Results tagged “abandonment” from iVillage - Beehive

Over the last several weeks the iVillage community has been reacting to recent reports that some parents and guardians have opted to surrender children as old as 17 under a Nebraska safe haven law that is generating a lot of controversy. The first such case involved two boys, ages 11 and 15, who were taken to local hospitals in two separate incidents. This stirred a wave of comments, but the real shock came last week when many were stunned to hear that a Nebraska father dropped off all 9 of his children, ranging in age from 1 to 17, at an Omaha medical center. Reports say that the father was unable to cope with caring for all nine children, being a widower after his wife died of an aneurysm shortly after giving birth to the youngest child. Although it's hard to imagine being in this man's situation, critics have cited the safe haven laws themselves as contributing to these incidents.

All states have enacted some form of legislation that aims to prevent babies from being left in trash cans or similar scenarios, but Nebraska's law is broad enough to cover minor children of any age. Some argue that these broad safe haven laws may encourage overwhelmed parents to unnecessarily abandon older children. Others feel laws that might prevent any child from being put in harm's way, either emotionally or physically, is better than the alternative. iVillagers, while shocked at the idea of abandoning an older child, are markedly torn about these laws.

The moms on the Tons of Kids board know a thing or two about being overwhelmed from time to time, but wonder why there wasn't help before the situation got so bad: 

"He was in over his head and could have used help. It's better to give them up to people who could help than to abandon them with people who could help or abuse them. My heart goes out to everyone involved." -- boyzr4us

"Obviously he was in over his head, like many of us are from time to time. I admit there are times when I have seriously wanted to run away. I agree that I guess its better that he dropped them off where he knew they would be safe, instead of continuing to abuse them (if that's what was going on) or neglect them at home."  -- pink1blue3

"They must have been really desperate, in terrible circumstances. The whole family needs help. I don't want to judge this man without knowing the situation." -- enviromommy

"Wonder why family didn't step up to help before it got to this point?" -- laura_and_the_crew

On the Moms & Politics board, they are seeing some distinct positives about the law, but feel there need to be some adjustments to make it truly useful to families, including the kids involved:

"I see this law as having real benefits, but what I'd really like to see is a viable "cooling down" program that would allow families with severe behavioral issues to get a break... I know that it has the potential to be abused, but I think if even one kid was kept from harm by a program like this, it would be worth it, and it might actually help to make it more viable to keep severely disabled/emotionally disturbed people in their homes with their families, which would be a good thing." -- wallejos

"I'm not sure quite what to make of the law we have here in Nebraska - I don't quite understand why they made it so broad, but if it saves a child from being abused -- then it is a good thing.  However, like just about anything else, some will abuse it. It will be interesting to see how it shakes out, but I hope it doesn't become a 'bailout' for irresponsible parents." -- rtmom08

 

Some point out that a broader law might be able to help a larger number of kids -- but the states' systems are in no way equipped to handle the increased load. Here's one example of this stance from the Parenting Issues Debate board:

"Almost every state's foster care system is already stretched to the limit, and I fear stretching the safe haven law up to teenagers is only going to make that situation worse. While money is part of the issue with foster care, the bigger problem is that there simply aren't enough people out there willing to do foster care, especially for older kids." -- bunnierose

What do you think? Should safe haven laws like Nebraska's cover the surrender of older children? Or is there a better alternative? Do these laws only encourage parents to abandon kids prematurely? Sound off here with your take on this hot topic!