Member isysmoon writes: "OMG no! It's questionable whether or not adults are safe in the city alone." Member rlch strongly agrees: "NO WAY IN HELL I would leave [my daughter] alone in a CITY TO FIND HER WAY HOME!!!!!!!!!!" Member cl-west1745 feels similarly and is happy to embrace her protective tendencies: BUT OMG -- to allow any kid to be by himself on a subway in NYC at that age -- I think that is just crazy and do not really believe that story. We are suburbia types, anyway, so a whole different world. Clean, coddled, cozy and I like it that way!"

While Member jenna_luvsher_labs agrees with her fellow iVillagers, she also explains why she think 9 years old is too young: "I feel it is my responsibility to teach [my daughter] how to be home alone. But, I would never put her outside in public like [the boy in New York City] was. Until they are 12 or 13, kids don't have the reasoning skills to avoid harmful situations in public."

One young member, missnmyarmyman, who is not yet a parent, was compelled to chime in, too: "I don't have children so my comment might not count, but I can't believe [that mother] did that. I myself wouldn't even want to walk back to my house or use public transportation alone in a big city. There are too many weirdos out there that you can't trust. Anything could have happened to him." Member navywife76 does have children, and she, too, was shocked: "ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... She did this in New York City?!!!!!! Is this woman out of her flippin' mind?!?! I think she should be turned in to CPS. No decent mother would do that. Yeah, kids are always going to want their independence. They ALL do. It's in their nature. [That mother] should feel VERY lucky that she still has a child to want independence. There are too many things that could happen to a child that young in such a large city (in ANY city, actually) for her to just let him go off on his own." Member cl-clabk had a similar reaction:  "All I can say is NO WAY!  Not unless I had an undercover cop watching his every move from point A to point B. I don't even let my 10 year old go two blocks to the high school to ride his bike by himself."

Member natesmom_2004 is equally upset, but she also points out another situation the New York City mom may have inadvertently created: "My question is where does [this mom] go from here? Most parents give their children a little bit of independence at a time, gradually increasing the luxury when the child proves he is responsible enough for more. She gave him the whole hog at one time. Now it's going to be, 'I proved I can ride the subway alone; I want to go to a rock concert in Jersey by myself.' What 'parent card' does she play then? Yes, the child did prove he was responsible enough and mature enough to handle himself in this situation, but now what?"

What do you think? Did the mom in New York City make a bad decision? Or, do you think that parents raising kids today are overly cautious? Share your thoughts.

It’s no secret that thin is in, and overweight people have long felt condemned because of their size. Now, a new study from Yale University confirms that weight discrimination, or “fatism,” is indeed rampant in America. The researchers found that discrimination based on weight occurs frequently in both professional and social settings.

Not surprisingly, the study opened a floodgate of perspectives and emotions within the iVillage community. Many members welcomed a scientific acknowledgement that the discrimination they feel in their daily lives is not a figment of their imagination. Member ladyirish317 shared her experience, “People who wouldn't dream of putting me down for my religion, age or gender think nothing of trampling on me for my weight … I had a little girl tell me once, ‘You're not my friend; you're fat!’ Guys in cars have sped past me yelling insults. Once a boy on a city bus leaned out of the window and shouted at me that I should lose weight because ‘You really are ugly.’ I've been turned down for jobs because of my weight, too, though it's never phrased that way.” Another member, mom_rileymm, who has been thin as well as heavy, agreed. “I do notice a difference in how people treat me; it is night and day. One time I got a flat tire, and I had 4 people stop and help. Another time I was crying waiting for AAA for 45 minutes on the side of the road without a single person stopping. Guess what? The second time I was heavy.” Interestingly, mom_rileymm goes on to admit that not only has she experienced weight discrimination, but she herself has also judged overweight people harshly, “And I have to say that I’m even guilty of [weight discrimination, too] when I’m skinny.”

But she’s not the only one. Many members say that they look at heavy people differently than thin people. While member upanddownunder believes that cruelty towards overweight people is wrong in a social environment, she believes that sometimes employers should consider a potential hire’s weight. “In the job market there are definitely grounds for discriminating against fat people, and by that I mean obese people. There are many health problems related to obesity, which can mean that a fat person will need to take time off work or be unable to do their job to the highest level—putting a strain on the employer's business.”

Member jenl703 writes that she also judges people by their size. “I will admit that I DO judge people before I know them based on their appearance (weight, cleanliness and clothes). I am not proud of it, but I know I do it. I have many friends who are very overweight, and it doesn't bother me with them at all.... I don't even notice it. However, if I see someone I don't know and notice that they are very overweight, my first thought is that they probably eat the wrong food and don't exercise.” Several members acknowledged that, like jenl703, they have heavyset friends who they’d never judge, but they don’t hesitate to be critical of overweight strangers. Member esita writes, “I do get annoyed when I see someone who is obviously overweight, gorging on greasy takeaway. I get annoyed when a fat person sits next to me on the train, and I'm squished against the window … I certainly don't hate fat people. I mean, I have a couple 'fat' friends. I don't see them as fat, though. I just see them as my friends.”

Weight discrimination appears to be acceptable in part because many believe that heavy people are choosing to be fat. Member leeya98 says, “I think it sucks that someone could potentially not get hired because of her weight, but like my grandmother used to say, ‘Don’t give people a stick to crack you over the head with!’ Very few people that struggle with weight do so because of medical conditions; usually, it’s a choice!” Member lv2breathe feels similarly, “It is something you can do something about, and it's a reflection of your values and lifestyle. It can be a reflection of eating too much and not exercising. These things aren’t appealing and so no one should be surprised if others don't react positively to them [because they are unfit].” Member mama_lah, however, disagrees. “I totally think that there’s a huge problem with weight-ism in America. I am overweight, and … I think the thing people need to understand is that people don't want to be overweight. It is an eating disorder, just like anorexia or bulimia.”

What do you think? Do you believe that weight discrimination is a problem? Have you experienced it or seen it  happen to someone else? Share your thoughts.

In several of our message board communities moms are talking about a recent move in Denver high schools that would allow up to four weeks of maternity leave for new teen moms. This coming after many teen mothers were forced to return to school immediately after being discharged from the hospital or face truancy violations. Moms and medical professionals alike agree that new mom aftercare is critical to not only the health of the mother and child, but key in forming the relationship of the new family -- in whatever form that emerges. Shouldn't we give the same consideration to teen moms or is this only condoning teen pregnancy altogether?

On the Feminism Today board, deutche_mama recently posted "I can't see anything negative with schools helping out young mothers.  By securing their education these girls are making huge advances for their future.  How can that be bad???

By allowing these girls time off to heal, mentally and physically from birth, is a step in the right direction.  They can then return to school and truly concentrate on their studies." 

However, ginnyinnc countered with her opinion: "The fact is teenage mothers consciously make the decision to become parents. I believe we need to show them that it's not the BEST idea for them or for the child. We should not encourage it or pat them on the head when it happens. It's a bad idea that will forever alter their lives."

In a discussion on the Parents of Ten- to Fourteen-Year Olds message board janetis40 isn't on board with this plan just yet, either: "The cold hard facts are ... schools are not put into place to work around teenage Mothers ... they are there to educate children." There does seem to be some fear that giving teen moms more opportunity to settle in to their new roles may make teen pregnancy less off-putting. Others would argue that not helping these young moms adjust only increases their likelihood of dropping out of school. 

Member bradleyteach offers her thoughts: "I believe that these young women should be able to have a doctors note excusing them for an appropriate period of time postpartum.  Or, they can be excused from school the rest of the school year and re=enroll for the next school year but treating them as truancy cases is inappropriate.  They've got enough going against them to be a teenager and have a baby, but to make it so that they must choose between abandoning their baby to the care of someone else before their milk even comes in and then come home to HS level homework - it is the baby who will suffer - and dropping out so that their chances of making a decent living for themselves and their babies is just not in anyone's best interest."

tamtamm agrees, saying, "Childbirth is a major medical event. I can't imagine anyone going back to work/school 2 days after giving birth. I agree that a doctor's note should be sufficient in excusing the child from school for a period of time."

A school's involvement in what happens well before teens give birth is also stirring up controversy. A Howard County Maryland school board has approved a written policy that requires staff to inform parents of their pregnant daughter's status. This news has fueled a discussion over privacy, parental rights and more.  thefeministbreeder says, "I don't think a teenager has any right to privacy in this way.  I'm glad they make cell phones with GPS in them now so when my kids are teenagers, I'll be able to track their every movement.  Kids have poor judgment, and do stupid things.  Even kids raised in the best environments."

iblondie2004 doesn't see this as a completely black and white topic: "I'm torn on this issue. The right thing to do wars with my personal beliefs. Unfortunately, I just don't think its practical to require that parents will be notified. It will deter teenagers from receiving the services they so desperately need. Although I do have a HUGE problem with minors receiving medical services of any kind without parents approval and knowledge."

While everyone seems to feel it would be best if more parents had better relationships with their teens that would result in them coming forward on their own or help to avoid the situation altogether, many fear that this policy will only result in more teens in trouble not getting any help or support at all. Looking at this debate from the perspective of a mom, you can't help but feel anything that would connect the parent to what is really happening would only help, but as acacia_verain points out, no matter how difficult it might be, we have to also look at this from the view of the teen: "I think there are many instances where it is better for the parent not to know.  If I had become pregnant when I was a minor, I would have done anything to keep that from my parents to the point of risking or sacrificing my own life.  Teenagers filled with desperation and recklessness are capable of many terrible things.  I remember what that felt like....having no freedom....that feelings of helplessness. You couldn't pay me to go through that again.  This is part of the reason I feel it is vitally important for a teenager to have access the confidential medical treatment."

What do you think about these issues? Should teens have access to a school-approved maternity leave? Are schools obligated to notify a parent about a teen's pregnancy? Share your thoughts on these stories and let us know how you feel. 

So is Iraq the big issue for this election, when many voters are looking for a change in domestic policy as well as foreign affairs? The war in Iraq is always a hot subject of discussion on the Current Debates board and in many of our military communities, this issue hits closer to home than many of us can fathom. Although Iraq is a hot-button issue for many, the state of the U.S. healthcare system and the struggling economy have definitely become top of mind issues for many iVillage members, who feel the pinch of these for their families on a daily basis. On our Hot Topics in Health message board, member clear_victory laments:

"Health care seems to have slipped below the radar, all of a sudden it's "about the economy, stupid", you know? If we can't stay healthy, the economy has little meaning. I'm so sick of seeing overcrowded ERs because so many have no health insurance." 

Member rebainmi asked: “I had a first date with a guy tonight and somehow we got to talking about the Suze Orman show, 401k, and he [started asking] me questions like ‘What's your credit score?’ and ‘What's your credit limit?’ … Thoughts?

Not surprisingly, more than 90% of poll-taking iVillagers responded that the questions were downright rude, and that rebainmi's financial info is none of the guy’s business. “Asking about your credit score and credit limit is completely inappropriate,” says member u_grad_lady. “He's got some nerve.”

Member smartypantz81 agrees: “I think that is just wrong! I could [understand] if you guys were in a serious relationship and talking about a future together… but on a first date? BUZZER! Maybe he is a gold digger?”

Smartypantsz81 was not the only one questioning the guy’s motives. Member wishful78, who’s had a similar experience, says: “I had a first date similar to yours and he went as far as to ask me how much money I make annually. I didn't tell him, of course. I [found] out later that he had horrible credit and was filing bankruptcy against his credit cards… I'm not dumb and I knew what he was after. You ain't living off of me buddy! ”

Member completelyuncalled4 offers some additional insight--and a warning: “He probably asks that of all his first dates… He's ‘fishing’ for something, probably some woman with good credit that he can use in the long run to co-sign for things like a cell phone, a car, etc. You might think 'It won't be me' now, but when you deal with a professional manipulator, you never see it coming until it's too late.”

Some iVillagers, such as loriannedz, however, were willing to give the nosey date the benefit of the doubt: “I personally would never ask someone this kind of stuff even after the 10th date … [but] maybe he was just nervous and trying to make conversation and since the topic of the evening was finances and mortgages, he thought, for some reason, it would be appropriate to ask that.”

Rebainmi (the original poster), ended up not answering her date’s prying questions but she did come to an important realization at the end of the night: “I hate dating.”

Share your thoughts on this awkward dating situation. What would you have said? And share your own first-date turn-offs and tales of first dates gone wrong.

Kids grow so fast, and for parents of two or more children, hand-me-down clothes are great time- and money-savers. But is it a good idea for parents to let their younger kids use their siblings' outgrown underwear? This question recently sparked animated discussions on the iVillage message boards, and one buzz-worthy debate.

Some iVillagers were quick to describe hand-me-down underwear as “eww, a thousand times eww”, “nasty” and just plain “gross.” They, like member crunchy_ananas, think parents shouldn’t have to scrimp when it comes to personal necessities such as underpants: "Underwear is cheap, seriously. There's no reason to hand them down." Member tsarina_andais agrees: “I am an only child with only one son but I think hand-me-down underwear is gross. Underwear is seriously not that expensive. I think I would have issues if I couldn't even have new underwear. I asked my mom about it, who is the youngest of six, and she was horrified. She says all she wore were hand-me-downs, but she always had new underwear and socks. [Hand-me-down underwear] gets a definite ‘No’ vote from this camp.”

iVillagers also pointed out the “ick factor” associated with hand-me-down underwear. Member ashmama says: "Microbiologists in studies have found fecal matter on clean underwear, so I wouldn't do it … I don't think everything has to be perfectly sterile--a certain amount of germs can be good for your immune system--but there is something a little bit nasty about wearing undies with other people's poo on them, know what I mean?”

But some members, such as lois15354, point out that siblings already share germs anyway, so hand-me-down underwear is completely harmless: “ We hand down underwear. I can't see any reason why not… My husband and I are not exactly living in penury, but there are days when one of the kids will holler out that he's out of underpants, and I tell him to go get a pair out of his brother's drawer. Heck, they share a toilet, which I am dead sure is not exactly super hygienic all of the time … They pull toilet paper off the same roll. I'm quite clear on the fact that they are exposed to each other's fecal germs on a semi-regular basis.”

Are the grossed-out parents being too squeamish, too fearful of germs? Member anotherheater thinks so: “ If you sit on the same toilet seat as other people (even your own family members) then you are in contact with lots of germs right there on your hiney. Do you have a separate toilet seat for every member of your family? A separate washing machine? A separate hermetically-sealed spot for toothbruses? Are we truly so germaphobic that we can't be reasonable?”

Some iVillagers also point out one advantage of hand-me-down underwear: it’s good for the environment. Says member jennagreen: “I don't see anything wrong with [hand-me-down undies] as long as they are washed in hot water, bleached, and unstained. Hand-me-downs save money and are better for the environment. We are such a throwaway society!”

Parents, have your say. Do you let your younger kids use their siblings’ outgrown underwear? Do you think hand-me-down undies are a great way to re-use and recycle, or are they just plain unsanitary? Share your thoughts below.

Pain is no deterrent for member themodernmother, who writes, “The epidural is the only reason to go to the hospital, and for me, that's just not enough. I've [given birth] every way except a c section (hosp/epi, birth center, hospital/induced/epi and home), and home was by far the best because of being able to be left alone after.” Member digitalbaby agrees. She even feels that a home birth can be less painful. “Birth at a hospital, in my experience, is more painful. ESPECIALLY if you're given pitocin. At home, you're more relaxed, and it's an environment you know. I'm not going to say labor doesn't hurt, but for me at least, it's magnitudes more manageable than at a hospital.”

For some mothers a home birth is preferable, because their comfort and their desires are a priority. Member cartuin8 says, “I love the idea of not having to worry about making it to the hospital. Of having everything ready to go in your house and not having to go to a hospital full of sick people. Not being pressured to have drugs or to be able to do this on your own. Having someone there just for you instead of sharing nurses with everyone in labor.” Member marissamom believes there is no comparison between a hospital and a home delivery. “For me, it's the hospital that is too dangerous to give birth in. There are far too many interventions that are considered routine and harmless. None of those interventions have ever been shown to improve fetal or maternal outcome. But they have been shown to increase complications and c-sections. There is also a far greater chance of infection in a hospital.”

But not all moms feel the same. Some members, like mommy_nan, know that a home birth is not the right choice for them. “I think the idea of a home birth is wonderful. However, I would never be able to do it. I loved the security of being at the hospital and knowing if something did happen to my baby or me, there was immediate care available to us. If I had a home birth and something went wrong and something happened to my baby because I chose to not go to the hospital, I would never forgive myself.” Member leigh9781 also appreciates the security a hospital can provide. “I totally see the appeal of a home birth and everything, but when you haven't done it before you have no idea how you will react to the birthing process. You may just want to have the safety and security of being in the hospital for your first [baby].”

Money is another concern for some mothers. Member Joshsmomme writes, “For us to have a hospital birth we only pay a small co pay; a home birth we have to pay for everything out of pocket, which is not an option for us.” Member threekangas_plus1, who lives in Australia, has a similar view. “The other great thing about hospital birthing for us was that we had no out of pocket expenses. I love that for the couple of days I stayed, my meals arrived, my baby's laundry was done and the only thing I had to do was care for my baby. I also appreciated the very close breastfeeding support.”

There is, however, an alternative to both home and hospital births for those who aren’t comfortable with either one: a birthing center. Member marrymeflyfree has decided to give birth at a birthing center. “We are [using a birthing center], and I'm really looking forward to it. I would have considered birthing at home, but [my boyfriend] was really not up for that—so this is a perfect compromise for us ... And it's directly across the street from the hospital if a problem should come up.”

Expectant mothers, check out this iVillage quiz and find out which childbirth method is right for you.

What do you think? How did you choose to give birth? Do you have any regrets? Share your thoughts below.

Member 3_lil_monkeys keeps it straightforward by writing, “Keep reminding your [daughter] that she's a wonderful person with a lot of great attributes. Really play up her positives and praise her constantly.” Member mags_66 agrees, “I have told [my daughter] that being different isn’t bad … you shouldn’t have to try to be someone you are not, and if [the other kids] don’t like you, then it’s not worth even talking to those kids.”

Other members offer more specific advice. Member turtletime1 says, “I'd get [your daughter] into some interest-based activities that have their own culture and are known for accepting kids who are different. If the school situation can't be fixed, I'd consider moving her to a new school for the rest of the year. She may do well in an alternative type of school like a charter or magnet. Help her embrace her weirdness. When kids take pride in being different, they are no longer easy targets!” While member weberdns0 suggests reaching out to some of the friendlier girls in the class and organizing play dates outside of school and away from bullies. She also suggests acting out plausible scenarios. “You need to roll play activities on how your daughter will approach problems and bullies. This will help her find ways of dealing with [them]. My son found that humor was eventually the best way to deal with bullies in school.”

Member cl-emmas.mom even recommends a book that she found particularly valuable. “The only thing I can add to this conversation is to say that I found reading Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls to be very insightful … It includes chapters on how to deal with the schools and what to say/not say to help your [daughter].”

Even some teens have joined the conversation. 13-year-old member prudhommejames writes about her struggles, “I get picked on mercifully at school and made fun of because of my weight problem. I want to go on a diet, but I have no one to help me with it.” Member freelancemomma responds, “Could your parents help you with a diet? If not, perhaps a relative or family friend? Talk to your doctor to get started … You're at the most difficult social age. Kids your age can be mercilessly cruel. But it will get better, whether you lose the weight or not. Whatever you do, don't give up. There are marvelous, unique qualities inside you, just like there are in other people. Don't let some extra weight stop you from discovering who you are and from experiencing happiness. I promise you it's within your grasp.”

Is your child having at difficult time at school or with her weight? Did you struggle when you were an adolescent? Share your advice and experiences.