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It's no secret that men and women communicate differently, but how does that affect workplace dynamics?

 

Do you find it hard to communicate with men at work? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below. For more from "A Woman's Nation," click here.

Men who grew up thinking that it was a man's world, "whose doors were just going to open because we have a Y chromosome," as one male interviewee said, are now grappling with women's increasing presence in the workplace.

 

Do you find this new power struggle confusing, as the men Maria Shriver interviewed do?

For more from "A Woman's Nation" click here.

It's no secret that many women would love to have a little more help around the house. Whether it's washing the dishes or picking up after the kids, sharing the family chores is definitely a welcome relief, but can it also be a turn-on? According to a recent survey, husbands that get busy in the laundry room are more likely to be getting busy in the bedroom as well. The women of iVillage are willing to vouch for these findings:

I think it's a combination of (1) having more energy, (2) feeling more attractive myself (when I get a little break from housekeeping and parenting), and (3) feeling deep affection for DH when he shows through action that he loves and respects our family and our home. -- penn_girl

It's easier to focus on what's at hand if the house is picked up, and you're not tripping on your way to the bedroom, or thinking you have to change laundry afterward, before falling asleep so you  have clothes for the next day. -- rasbet1999

When my [husband] helps more, there is less stress, resentment and fatigue on my part.  It also makes me feel more loved and more than willing to reciprocate.  -- lucita2k

While I don't consciously connect sex with housework, I am much more likely to be in the mood if the house is clean-- even better if I haven't been the one cleaning it. -- geschichtsgal

Some men, though, seem to be catching on:

[My husband] swears his extra help lately is just enlightened self-interest. If I nap while he does dishes, he figures then I have more energy for... uh... other priorities. He's a dreadful tease, but yes, I find the extra help to be a sign of love and what's sexier than a man who adores you? -- just_elsa

So obviously it's about more than just a clean house. How has this played out in your household? Have you been able to balance the household duties as well as time for romance? Or are you just too tired after juggling it all to even think about doing anything else in the bedroom besides catching up on sleep? 

Read more of our community's reaction: Why housework and sex are connected and find out about the real lives of women in the workplace in our Woman's Nation coverage.

Referring to the research conducted by Maria Shriver for "A Woman's Nation," David Gregory asks, "When will poltics reflect the change that we're seeing in this report?"

 

Do you think women have enough representation in politics?

To see more from "A Woman's Nation" click here.

While the idea that women can choose to either stay at home with their children or be a part of the workforce is a perfectly wonderful concept, when you get down to reality, the fact is most women don't have the luxury of that choice, based on their financial situation or family structure. Of course this is a hotly-debated topic and one where we see moms facing off to defend their own choices -- or in most cases -- their basic realities. Is the whole idea that women today can "opt out" a myth? Here's what iVillage women (some moms, some not) are saying about the economics of opting out:

We need for me to work full time with the economy and [my husband's] job is in sales and not doing well at all.  We are barely getting by and my hours are being cut at work from 20 hrs per week to about 12. Bad situation. So, reluctantly, we made the decision for me to go back FT.  -- turkeybaster

It's really a necessity [for me to work]. I worked full time for a few years after my first son was born. [My husband] is a teacher, so we couldn't really pay the bills on his salary. After a few years of going green and living simply, I was able to quit my full time job and take on something part time so that I could spend more time with the kids. -- cl-kellie0901

Like so many women, there were financial obligations. Not returning was never an option. -- cl-ijanis51

Others feel that most women have a choice, it's just a matter of what sacrifices they're willing to make:

I think moms say (and feel) that they "have" to work because it assuages the guilt they feel about leaving their child in the hands of another. Well, I refuse to feel guilty for working, even though I could choose to stay at home. I wish we would all embrace our choices, stop feeling like victims of our circumstances, and, above all things, stop judging the choices of others. 

And if you really feel like you have no other choice than to work (that you need the money), I encourage you to really explore whether this is true. You may be thinking, "If I don't work, we can't afford our mortgage. My kids can't go to camp. We can't go on vacations." Well, this is a choice. You could choose to move into a smaller house or a cheaper city or town. You could send your kids to public school; vacation at the lake instead of the beach, give up the Starbucks, etc. Heck, even if you are a single-mom, many choose to go on welfare rather than work. I'm not advocating either way, just saying there is always a choice, although I fully acknowledge that sometimes the alternatives are really unappealing. -- penn_girl

 

Another mom offers her take on the idea that choosing to work means not choosing your child:

I don't think that desiring help with infant care while I continued working was reason enough to not have had a child, or desiring to return to work and university after [my son] is in school is indicative of me choosing myself over him. [My husband] knows that he would not be able to handle spending all day at home, so he's never considered being a stay at home dad - yet I rarely hear dads being criticized for choosing their career over their child in the way that moms are. In our case, it isn't about choosing anything over our child, it's about being honest about our limitations and finding a solution that works for our family's best interest. There are always costs and benefits to analyze, but it is possible to strike a good balance between being parents and being individuals with roles outside the home. It's an issue that doesn't have to be all one way or the other, but one that people can adapt to work for their family as their needs change over the years, and that's something that the black and white debate misses out on. I think feeling that it has to be all or nothing contributes to so many families feeling stuck, rather than finding solutions and working toward them so that everyone involved benefits in some way. -- indgglow

 

Do you believe that opting out of work is a choice for all women? Regardless of income, is having a stay-at-home parent always the best scenario? How does this play out in your own life? We'd love to hear your comments on women in the workplace and your own experiences -- sound off below!

For more on how women are really balancing work, family, sex and home, visit A Woman's Nation.   

Even though more and more women are becoming the primary or equal breadwinners in the workplace and for their families, does the rest of their life fall into such an equal balance? We asked iVillage women their work status compares to their ability to still do it all. Do women and men have an equal share of work when it comes to taking care of the household or the kids?

[My husband is] better than he used to be, but I still carry the load of the household chores and childcare.  Even when I'm working at night or on weekends I still have to do the cooking and cleaning for the most part. -- shmear

My going back to work honestly doesn't make much of a difference with household duties. We both struggle to get them done because we're both very busy. I do more because I work less ... he works full time and when he is home has a part time job on top of that -- cl-yukonjoe

I work 40+ hours per week, have three kids and another one on the way.  My husband also works too much. I handle most everything kid related and household-related (shopping/bills/etc.), but he steps in when I need him and he does the outside stuff,  maintenance on cars and the house, etc. I handle homework and school-related stuff.  We share bath duties & we both do bedtime (although his contribution is the last kiss & snuggle).  He does morning duty and I go to work early, so I'm done when the kids get off school.  It works, but we are exhausted most of the time! -- kelseys_mom1999

[My husband] and I definitely have some "defined" roles -- he does most of the "outdoor" work and I do more of the "indoor" work so to speak. It's just what works for us. Neither of us really complains about, it's just what we do. -- cl-foxies_lady

 

How do you balance work and home duty in your household? Do you feel things are equal? We'd love to hear your experience on this topic -- chime in below!

Find out more about A Woman's Nation: a groundbreaking study on women, work and family.

 

If you're not already feeling the blows of economic hardship, I have some bad news for you, it might just be a matter of time. All it takes is a quick glance at the headlines: The unemployment rate is at a five-year high. Second quarter foreclosures have surged. It's not exactly a shocker to read that the US economy continues to be weak. Ok, we get it already, it's bad. Unfortunately avoiding the headlines won't make much difference to those that are already facing tough times due to a rising cost of living, stagnant job markets and in some cases, mortgage issues. Here are just a few stories from around the iVillage community... 

"I work as a waitress at the moment. Working nights is wreaking havoc on my family... It isn't enough to live off of but it is more than an hourly wage and you work less hours. I don't know if I will be able to support my family in a few years the way cost of living is going up." -- indiccarose

"I wish I could [get rid of my credit cards], but sometimes that is the only way I can buy groceries.  We just don't bring in enough to cover all our expenses." -- luvmypunkin

"In the last 3 years, my husband and I have had a combined 6 job losses (layoffs & contract jobs) thanks to the economy, that has caused our cc debt to spiral out of control to $65K." -- gachick08

"I have been online applying for anything I am qualified to do. Even if the job does not offer benefits. I don't care now.  I need a income coming in.  We barely can make it on [my husband's] disability check.  [He] has MS and is unable to work due to how bad his disability is. " -- carolwood

"There is a house on our street that was foreclosed, bought, rented out, foreclosed and is now for sale again all in the space of a year." -- pameleen

"Our house is in foreclosure status and we have no idea where we are going to live soon. For the last 2 weeks we have been eating PB&J and spaghetti. It is all very discouraging and it takes a big toll on every family that is going through similar problems." -- cl-yourhopeful_gigs

"I do know several people who have lost their jobs recently. Sadly, our state has lost a lot of its better jobs in recent years, with few decent replacements in sight, while pay has lagged inflation in most cases for the jobs that remain. Other people we know thought they had saved enough for retirement and have been forced to either delay retirement or get back into the workplace." -- akrogirl 

Are you struggling due to the weak economy? What is causing the most stress for you? How are you coping? Leave a comment and let me know how you're being affected, your strategy for survival and anything else you're seeing out there.

It's no secret that the poor economy is doing a number on most all of us -- but after years of struggling for equality in the workplace, the realization that women are suffering from layoffs, downsizing, outsourcing and flatlining wages in much the same way as men is disheartening. What's more concerning is that according to a recent study from the Joint Economic Committee of Congress women are also dropping out of the workforce as a response to these tough times.  While some women have opted to stay at home to raise the kids or for other family reasons, the study showed that many are taking a break from work because they are unable to find jobs comparable to the ones they've lost, impacting not only their bottom line, but likely their emotional well-being, too.

In most of the stories posted on our message boards, it seems that iVillage women find it necessary to take part-time jobs or freelance work to supplement their income while they look for another job. For some, this may be a long-term solution as they try to wait out the economic downturn. After reading through the comments from our users, I'm not sure that leaving the workforce altogether is a practical option for many women, especially those who are the sole provider for the family and those who are single with no other source of income. Many families are also finding themselves in debt and seek out advice from our Debt Support Group, where colomom99's story is becoming a frighteningly common refrain:  

"I am a journalist and newspapers have lost thousands and thousands of very talented people in the past year who have nowhere to go. My lay off was not completely unexpected -- we knew it was a remote possibility -- but that did not make it any easier when I got the tap on my shoulder the day we returned from vacation. 

Our family is really struggling, losing money every month but still hanging on. We have a terrifying amount of debt which I am trying to tackle as I can. I write from home now and have had some luck in freelancing but it is sporadic and nowhere near what I was making before. The scary thing is my husband is also a journalist. His job is secure for now but who knows."

Throughout the iVillage community many women are struggling with the choice of working to earn money for their family -- or staying at home to avoid the rising cost of childcare. This is not an entirely new conundrum, but in light of has raised this conversation to a new level our Stay at Home vs. Work Debate message board, where some moms are saying the income from their jobs and the price of daycare is practically a wash. Member mm05 shares her experience:

"In June I quit my job. After returning to work from [maternity] leave and having to pay $600 every two weeks for 3 children, I said NO WAY! My pay cheque was only $645-$650 every 2 weeks. That left me with $50. It made absolutely no sense."

In a recent poll, 56% of iVillage users felt that childcare should be a benefit offered by employers. With more families facing hard choices, it may be critical for many companies to work with their employees to come up with a solution that works for everyone. 

Still, in other cases, women from our communities are deciding to go back to work -- even if only part-time, to help the family's bottom line -- either due to rising costs or, unfortunately, due to a partner's loss of work.  

While the Congressional study of women in the workforce has uncovered an interesting trend, the reality for many women (and men) is much more complicated than just "dropping out".  How are you coping with the poor economy -- both financially and emotionally? Have you suffered from a layoff or pay cut -- or are you sensing your job is in jeopardy? 

Is opting to be a stay at home mom a risky business? Of course there are the day to day struggles and the dangers of being eternally exhausted - not to mention ending up on the receiving end of projectile vomit, stray Legos and mountains of laundry. But are there bigger issues lurking under the surface for women who put their careers on hold for motherhood? Just when you think there couldn't be more to add to this long-running debate, enter The Feminine Mistake. Ostensibly a sardonic twist on Betty Friedan's Feminine Mystique, The Feminine Mistake offers a grave warning to moms who leave the breadwinning up to dad: by choosing to shelve your career, you are also shelving your ability to provide financially for your children in the event of being widowed or divorced. Author Leslie Bennetts discussed her book last week on the Today Show, and as you can probably imagine, it's stirred up quite a bit of discussion on our message boards.

Of course they're talking about this on the Feminism Today board. There's no shortage of opinions or side debates here:

"I'm so happy to see someone brave enough to publish this information. I've been saying this for years, it's a very unpopular position. I think every woman should know the economic risks to both herself and her children should she choose to be a stay at home parent."

"I think both parents ought to be capable of caring for their child(ren) (financially, physically, emotionally, etc.) on one's own should the other spouse suddenly be out of the picture for whatever reason."

"I'm grateful that my mother continued working so she could fund my college education, and so she could retire at age 57 and care for my ailing father, rather than having to continue to work and putting him in a nursing home. I'm failing to see how funding one's children's education and preparing for retirement so one's children don't need to support their parents in their old age can be considered selfish. If my mother had chosen to SAH, I certainly would have paid the price -- literally."

"Too many kids are being raised by outside forces such as daycare programs and after care. Kids end up away from home more than they are in it. If this can be avoided society as a whole will benefit. Kids are worth the risk and sacrifice. "

The responses on the Current Debates board tend to be less forgiving to Bennetts, but the reactions vary:

"As far as what I've read so far in that book, I find it very fear based and "what if" based and I don't think that's anyway to live your life. There are many benefits to staying at home and although she might cringe at the idea it works well for a lot of families."

"After seeing the interview with Ann Curry, I have no doubt author Bennetts is simply trying to hit the best-seller list. She has to be aggressive and closed-minded to SAHMs."

"Every mother has to make those kinds of choices for themselves and if you are happy working outside the home then do it, if you want to be a SAHM and can make it work, that's wonderful. To say that Motherhood is a Feminine Mistake is very offensive to me."

"Even women who choose to stay home should know the possible consequences, and take steps to minimize their impact on their families, and their own future lives. Unfortunately it has become taboo to bring up any possible negative consequences of choosing to stay home. It's "an attack on the family"."

Family finances are a big topic on the Frugal Living message board and the moms there offer their own experiences and worries regarding staying at home and planning a future:

"I think everyone must take into account her own goals. I agree that completely relying on a husband (or anyone) to take care of you forever is a mistake."

"I think ultimately it's extremely difficult when divorce, death or disability happens and it doesn't matter whether you are at home or working full-time."

"Don't come into being a SAHM or an adult for that matter without a plan for the things in life that can take us by surprise."

"I think every mom needs a back up plan. I have a graduate degree and I worked full time before my daughter was born. The plan was for me to stay home full time. Then our financial situation changed and I had to go back to work part time when our daughter was 18 months old. A short time later DH and I separated and I had to go back to work full time. It's not what I planned."

For even more on the book and the debate, you can catch an exclusive interview with Bennetts right here on iVillage. What are your thoughts? Is The Feminine Mistake an important wake-up call for moms? Or just a superfluous missive of doom and gloom? Chime in here with your reactions and share your own experiences on this issue.

Back in college (ages ago), I collected a lot of those quirky buttons ... you know, the kind with sassy little sayings that you could pin to your backpack. One of my favorites was the one with big goofy red letters that read "LOVE IT! (love your job!)" I really appreciated the random sarcasm held in its 1 1/2 inch diameter. I was working at the bookstore just off campus and while I did love the textbook discount, I most certainly did not love my job. Then again, there's a big difference in working a part time job for party money -- I mean -- laundry money during college and working 40 some odd hours a week in your career. Sometimes, though, it can be a lo-oong 40 hours. We've all been there, no matter how great your job is ... work can be a lot of ... well, erm ... work. If you really love your job, it can ease the pinch of the workweek but should you necessarily have a hot burning passion for what you do? Or is making ends meet (and maybe then some) enough? How does this factor in when college students are selecting a field on their parents' dime -- should the parent push them towards a steady, lucrative career -- or should the kid just be allowed to follow his or her passion? These same questions sparked a flurry of responses on the Stay at Home vs. Work board when one iVillager asked, "isn't it okay for a student or employee to like, but not love, one's chosen field, and reserve his or her passion for relationships, hobbies, faith or other non-income earning activity?" Check out some of the responses:

"I don't have a passion for what I do, I have a passion for living and this job lets me do that by providing a roof over my head and food to eat."

"I am never going to be rich being a vet tech, but I LOVE the job. I could make a lot more money doing something else, and cry less too I'm sure but I could never leave it. As long as the bills are paid I can do without a lot of extras if I love what I'm doing."

"I flat out could not work at a job I just "liked" ...but that's just ME ...and the way I was raised. I love the theater even though it means I scrape by and I do without."

"I am not sure my older son will be ready for college as soon as he graduates high school, which means that I am not willing to pay for an education for somebody who isn't going to benefit from it or appreciate it."

"You can do whatever you want with your passion, but if, for example, my child has a passion for writing and he wants to pursue that as a career, I would never think of telling him that I'll only pay his tuition if he pursues a degree in business. Personally, I think life is way too short to spend it doing something you hate instead of pursuing what you love."

"The whole thing about having a passion, especially wrt college-age kids, is nothing more than a trite cliche, imo, especially when it appears to cover everything from a keen interest in collecting bottle caps to laying one's life on the line through something like Medecins Sans Frontiers. Just yuppie media hyperbole. God forbid an 18yo should say he/she wants a career in accountancy because it's a steady job."

Yowch.

What about you? Are you doing what you love? Loving what you do? Let's face it, some of us are doing good just to get to the end of the week in one piece. (Not me, of course, because I! love! my! job!! PS: My boss is reading this.) But seriously, what do you think? Should a person have a real passion for their jobs to be happy or to be good at what they do? Should this factor into a kid's college tuition deal? Tell me what you really think, and don't worry, I won't tell your boss...