- iVillage
- Beehive: The Buzz of the Day
Recently in money matters Category
NBC Nightly News explores how Bea Stotzer, one of the founders of New Economics for Women (NEW), is helping Latino women succeed.
Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy
What has been the key to your success? Tell us in the comments below.
For more from "A Woman's Nation," click here.
Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy
It's no secret that many women would love to have a little more help around the house. Whether it's washing the dishes or picking up after the kids, sharing the family chores is definitely a welcome relief, but can it also be a turn-on? According to a recent survey, husbands that get busy in the laundry room are more likely to be getting busy in the bedroom as well. The women of iVillage are willing to vouch for these findings:
I think it's a combination of (1) having more energy, (2) feeling more attractive myself (when I get a little break from housekeeping and parenting), and (3) feeling deep affection for DH when he shows through action that he loves and respects our family and our home. -- penn_girl
It's easier to focus on what's at hand if the house is picked up, and you're not tripping on your way to the bedroom, or thinking you have to change laundry afterward, before falling asleep so you have clothes for the next day. -- rasbet1999
When my [husband] helps more, there is less stress, resentment and fatigue on my part. It also makes me feel more loved and more than willing to reciprocate. -- lucita2k
While I don't consciously connect sex with housework, I am much more likely to be in the mood if the house is clean-- even better if I haven't been the one cleaning it. -- geschichtsgal
Some men, though, seem to be catching on:
[My husband] swears his extra help lately is just enlightened self-interest. If I nap while he does dishes, he figures then I have more energy for... uh... other priorities. He's a dreadful tease, but yes, I find the extra help to be a sign of love and what's sexier than a man who adores you? -- just_elsa
So obviously it's about more than just a clean house. How has this played out in your household? Have you been able to balance the household duties as well as time for romance? Or are you just too tired after juggling it all to even think about doing anything else in the bedroom besides catching up on sleep?
Read more of our community's reaction: Why housework and sex are connected and find out about the real lives of women in the workplace in our Woman's Nation coverage.
While the idea that women can choose to either stay at home with their children or be a part of the workforce is a perfectly wonderful concept, when you get down to reality, the fact is most women don't have the luxury of that choice, based on their financial situation or family structure. Of course this is a hotly-debated topic and one where we see moms facing off to defend their own choices -- or in most cases -- their basic realities. Is the whole idea that women today can "opt out" a myth? Here's what iVillage women (some moms, some not) are saying about the economics of opting out:
We need for me to work full time with the economy and [my husband's] job is in sales and not doing well at all. We are barely getting by and my hours are being cut at work from 20 hrs per week to about 12. Bad situation. So, reluctantly, we made the decision for me to go back FT. -- turkeybaster
It's really a necessity [for me to work]. I worked full time for a few years after my first son was born. [My husband] is a teacher, so we couldn't really pay the bills on his salary. After a few years of going green and living simply, I was able to quit my full time job and take on something part time so that I could spend more time with the kids. -- cl-kellie0901
Like so many women, there were financial obligations. Not returning was never an option. -- cl-ijanis51
Others feel that most women have a choice, it's just a matter of what sacrifices they're willing to make:
I think moms say (and feel) that they "have" to work because it assuages the guilt they feel about leaving their child in the hands of another. Well, I refuse to feel guilty for working, even though I could choose to stay at home. I wish we would all embrace our choices, stop feeling like victims of our circumstances, and, above all things, stop judging the choices of others.
And if you really feel like you have no other choice than to work (that you need the money), I encourage you to really explore whether this is true. You may be thinking, "If I don't work, we can't afford our mortgage. My kids can't go to camp. We can't go on vacations." Well, this is a choice. You could choose to move into a smaller house or a cheaper city or town. You could send your kids to public school; vacation at the lake instead of the beach, give up the Starbucks, etc. Heck, even if you are a single-mom, many choose to go on welfare rather than work. I'm not advocating either way, just saying there is always a choice, although I fully acknowledge that sometimes the alternatives are really unappealing. -- penn_girl
Another mom offers her take on the idea that choosing to work means not choosing your child:
I don't think that desiring help with infant care while I continued working was reason enough to not have had a child, or desiring to return to work and university after [my son] is in school is indicative of me choosing myself over him. [My husband] knows that he would not be able to handle spending all day at home, so he's never considered being a stay at home dad - yet I rarely hear dads being criticized for choosing their career over their child in the way that moms are. In our case, it isn't about choosing anything over our child, it's about being honest about our limitations and finding a solution that works for our family's best interest. There are always costs and benefits to analyze, but it is possible to strike a good balance between being parents and being individuals with roles outside the home. It's an issue that doesn't have to be all one way or the other, but one that people can adapt to work for their family as their needs change over the years, and that's something that the black and white debate misses out on. I think feeling that it has to be all or nothing contributes to so many families feeling stuck, rather than finding solutions and working toward them so that everyone involved benefits in some way. -- indgglow
Do you believe that opting out of work is a choice for all women? Regardless of income, is having a stay-at-home parent always the best scenario? How does this play out in your own life? We'd love to hear your comments on women in the workplace and your own experiences -- sound off below!
For more on how women are really balancing work, family, sex and home, visit A Woman's Nation.
Even though more and more women are becoming the primary or equal breadwinners in the workplace and for their families, does the rest of their life fall into such an equal balance? We asked iVillage women their work status compares to their ability to still do it all. Do women and men have an equal share of work when it comes to taking care of the household or the kids?
[My husband is] better than he used to be, but I still carry the load of the household chores and childcare. Even when I'm working at night or on weekends I still have to do the cooking and cleaning for the most part. -- shmear
My going back to work honestly doesn't make much of a difference with household duties. We both struggle to get them done because we're both very busy. I do more because I work less ... he works full time and when he is home has a part time job on top of that -- cl-yukonjoe
I work 40+ hours per week, have three kids and another one on the way. My husband also works too much. I handle most everything kid related and household-related (shopping/bills/etc.), but he steps in when I need him and he does the outside stuff, maintenance on cars and the house, etc. I handle homework and school-related stuff. We share bath duties & we both do bedtime (although his contribution is the last kiss & snuggle). He does morning duty and I go to work early, so I'm done when the kids get off school. It works, but we are exhausted most of the time! -- kelseys_mom1999
[My husband] and I definitely have some "defined" roles -- he does most of the "outdoor" work and I do more of the "indoor" work so to speak. It's just what works for us. Neither of us really complains about, it's just what we do. -- cl-foxies_lady
How do you balance work and home duty in your household? Do you feel things are equal? We'd love to hear your experience on this topic -- chime in below!
Find out more about A Woman's Nation: a groundbreaking study on women, work and family.
It's often said that education is a good investment, but with budget cuts happening at steady pace in light of the economic turmoil, many are wondering when our schools, teachers and students will find relief. Recently the Frugal Families community discussed a proposal in Florida that would allow districts to shorten the school week to four days in an effort to save operating costs. Saving money is one thing, but how does this impact the children and their families? These moms offer their reactions:
"As it is, there are all sorts of other budget cuts, but this possible new schedule is beginning to flash in neon lights. The kids are in school about 6 hours a day ,if the 4 day schedule goes through they would be in school an additional 1 hour and 15 minutes." -- jennebryan
"I could see how this could cause huge problems for families that don't have the flexibility that we have. It could be a drain on finances and add stress to those that need to arrange child care. I don't have a problem with it, but I also think if changes like that are to be implemented, more after-school care needs to be provided or employers need to pick up the slack. We need to improve that sector of American society." -- kw135705
"Parents are going to need to find child care. The kids who are older have more time to get into trouble. There are kids hanging [out] with nothing to do. My kids would probably just veg but some kids would be home alone. It can only be a bad thing. -- lisa19712003
"As a teacher, I am not in favor of it. My day is already long enough, and I don't know how I would get through the additional hour or two everyday. I give my students my all for 5 hours a day (plus I have 2 hours of planning/duty), and it would be very difficult to provide meaningful instruction for an additional 1-2 hours a day. I also believe my students (low level) would have trouble focusing and learning. I believe it's the students who will suffer in the end. Anyone who lives in this state knows that we need to ADD money, resources, and programs - not take away." -- lovingmytwoboys
"Moving to a 4 day week bothers me a lot. The day would be way too long for elementary kids. Plus, that is a huge burden on parents who work. Where are they supposed to find all day care for their kids just on Fridays? How is a working class parent supposed to pay for that?" -- addieandclairesmom
Rather than shorten the school week, some schools may be forced to close their doors altogether in an effort to consolidate classrooms and the amount of money it takes to run them. Are these changes only leading to overcrowding and bigger problems in the long run? iVillagers on the Education Issues Debate message board weigh in with their opinions:
While some iVillagers are mystified about how the stimulus package recently signed by President Obama will work, the US auto industry is looking for more assistance as the economic outlook continues to be bleak. But GM and Chrysler will have a little competition in the bailout department because there's someone else who's also seeking a little help to get by: none other than Nadya "Octomom" Suleman. The now-infamous mom of 14 (including the octuplets born January 26) is ready to accept donations from the public on her website. It's no surprise that the story of the octuplets, the circumstances of their conception, Suleman's existing number of children, her uncanny resemblance to Angelina Jolie and a multitude of other angles to this story have caused an uproar across our community, but the question of who is paying for all of this has tipped some over the edge into disbelief and outrage. iVillagers from the Debt Support Group (where we may see Suleman posting someday soon...) weigh in on whether or not they would donate to the Octomom fund:
"Never in a million years! I feel awful for those children of hers because there is no way that a single parent can provide the love, support, psychological/physiological needs that those children need. I'm sorry to say, the taxpayers of California where she lives will have to pick up the bill like they probably have started to already, seeing the cost of having those kids is in the millions." -- lulu1231
It's the most wonderful time of the year... unless you're broke. Sure, the holidays are about more than that Red Lobster gift card or the Snuggie that your mother-in-law may be pining for, but let's face it -- we definitely have a tradition of gift-giving this time of year and that usually means a trip to the mall. And that usually means shelling out lots of money. You remember money, right? That stuff that no one has right now? Needless to say this ends up causing a lot of folks a lot of stress and this year -- since we're all getting recession in our stockings -- those feelings have been loud and frequent themes on our boards.
The refrains of stress and guilt about holiday spending -- or the lack thereof -- are common on our Debt Support Group board, where many are sorting out the emotional impact of debt, as well as the practical management of their money. iVillager notsorich_yet asks "How much is too much for Christmas?" She received some great responses that touched on how we can rethink how spending is involved in celebrating the holiday:
"I've cut back on buying every relative a present. I'm making my closest friends each a cherry pie to die for. There aren't a lot of 'things' that can be bought for me that would make a huge difference in my life. I've learned that this is true of lots of people, not just me." -- herege
"Teaching your kids to live within their means is a great gift. I encourage you to give them the insight to determine needs vs. wants and to enjoy life's simple pleasures." -- dmh66
"We always do a gingerbread men decorating day with my sister, young niece, my neighbor and her young daughter. My son looks forward to that. I also do a large baking day and bake for family and co-workers. I want my kids to know those traditions over the ones that involve gifts." -- beepsmomx2
"With younger kids, quantity usually has a bigger impact than quality. Spending $10 for a bunch of little things is often better than a single $10 gift." -- karabella_mom
Of course this topic isn't just cropping up on the finance boards. Throughout the community iVillagers are dealing with emotional strain over holiday spending. Read how others are feeling and how they're coping with harsh financial realities during this season of giving:
