Recently in marriage Category

President Barack Obama shares how he and his wife Michelle balance work and family responsibilities, and offers some advice to new husbands on how to "negotiate" changing family roles.

 

Are you and your partner still "negotiating" your familial roles? For more from "A Woman's Nation," click here.

Men who grew up thinking that it was a man's world, "whose doors were just going to open because we have a Y chromosome," as one male interviewee said, are now grappling with women's increasing presence in the workplace.

 

Do you find this new power struggle confusing, as the men Maria Shriver interviewed do?

For more from "A Woman's Nation" click here.

On Nightly News with Brian Williams, Maria Shriver takes a look at the changing roles of men and women in the workplace. Are you the primary breadwinner in your family? Share your experience with us in the comments below. For more from "A Woman's Nation" click here.

Maria Shriver talks with men about the revolution at home and asks, "Who's in charge?"

 

Do you and your partner struggle over who's in charge in your home? Tell us in the comments below. For more from "A Woman's Nation" click here.

 

While the idea that women can choose to either stay at home with their children or be a part of the workforce is a perfectly wonderful concept, when you get down to reality, the fact is most women don't have the luxury of that choice, based on their financial situation or family structure. Of course this is a hotly-debated topic and one where we see moms facing off to defend their own choices -- or in most cases -- their basic realities. Is the whole idea that women today can "opt out" a myth? Here's what iVillage women (some moms, some not) are saying about the economics of opting out:

We need for me to work full time with the economy and [my husband's] job is in sales and not doing well at all.  We are barely getting by and my hours are being cut at work from 20 hrs per week to about 12. Bad situation. So, reluctantly, we made the decision for me to go back FT.  -- turkeybaster

It's really a necessity [for me to work]. I worked full time for a few years after my first son was born. [My husband] is a teacher, so we couldn't really pay the bills on his salary. After a few years of going green and living simply, I was able to quit my full time job and take on something part time so that I could spend more time with the kids. -- cl-kellie0901

Like so many women, there were financial obligations. Not returning was never an option. -- cl-ijanis51

Others feel that most women have a choice, it's just a matter of what sacrifices they're willing to make:

I think moms say (and feel) that they "have" to work because it assuages the guilt they feel about leaving their child in the hands of another. Well, I refuse to feel guilty for working, even though I could choose to stay at home. I wish we would all embrace our choices, stop feeling like victims of our circumstances, and, above all things, stop judging the choices of others. 

And if you really feel like you have no other choice than to work (that you need the money), I encourage you to really explore whether this is true. You may be thinking, "If I don't work, we can't afford our mortgage. My kids can't go to camp. We can't go on vacations." Well, this is a choice. You could choose to move into a smaller house or a cheaper city or town. You could send your kids to public school; vacation at the lake instead of the beach, give up the Starbucks, etc. Heck, even if you are a single-mom, many choose to go on welfare rather than work. I'm not advocating either way, just saying there is always a choice, although I fully acknowledge that sometimes the alternatives are really unappealing. -- penn_girl

 

Another mom offers her take on the idea that choosing to work means not choosing your child:

I don't think that desiring help with infant care while I continued working was reason enough to not have had a child, or desiring to return to work and university after [my son] is in school is indicative of me choosing myself over him. [My husband] knows that he would not be able to handle spending all day at home, so he's never considered being a stay at home dad - yet I rarely hear dads being criticized for choosing their career over their child in the way that moms are. In our case, it isn't about choosing anything over our child, it's about being honest about our limitations and finding a solution that works for our family's best interest. There are always costs and benefits to analyze, but it is possible to strike a good balance between being parents and being individuals with roles outside the home. It's an issue that doesn't have to be all one way or the other, but one that people can adapt to work for their family as their needs change over the years, and that's something that the black and white debate misses out on. I think feeling that it has to be all or nothing contributes to so many families feeling stuck, rather than finding solutions and working toward them so that everyone involved benefits in some way. -- indgglow

 

Do you believe that opting out of work is a choice for all women? Regardless of income, is having a stay-at-home parent always the best scenario? How does this play out in your own life? We'd love to hear your comments on women in the workplace and your own experiences -- sound off below!

For more on how women are really balancing work, family, sex and home, visit A Woman's Nation.   

Even though more and more women are becoming the primary or equal breadwinners in the workplace and for their families, does the rest of their life fall into such an equal balance? We asked iVillage women their work status compares to their ability to still do it all. Do women and men have an equal share of work when it comes to taking care of the household or the kids?

[My husband is] better than he used to be, but I still carry the load of the household chores and childcare.  Even when I'm working at night or on weekends I still have to do the cooking and cleaning for the most part. -- shmear

My going back to work honestly doesn't make much of a difference with household duties. We both struggle to get them done because we're both very busy. I do more because I work less ... he works full time and when he is home has a part time job on top of that -- cl-yukonjoe

I work 40+ hours per week, have three kids and another one on the way.  My husband also works too much. I handle most everything kid related and household-related (shopping/bills/etc.), but he steps in when I need him and he does the outside stuff,  maintenance on cars and the house, etc. I handle homework and school-related stuff.  We share bath duties & we both do bedtime (although his contribution is the last kiss & snuggle).  He does morning duty and I go to work early, so I'm done when the kids get off school.  It works, but we are exhausted most of the time! -- kelseys_mom1999

[My husband] and I definitely have some "defined" roles -- he does most of the "outdoor" work and I do more of the "indoor" work so to speak. It's just what works for us. Neither of us really complains about, it's just what we do. -- cl-foxies_lady

 

How do you balance work and home duty in your household? Do you feel things are equal? We'd love to hear your experience on this topic -- chime in below!

Find out more about A Woman's Nation: a groundbreaking study on women, work and family.

 

It's no secret that any news of a politician's infidelity is an instant scandal that almost everyone has an opinion on. We saw a tidal wave of reaction to the Eliot Spitzer prostitution story, and the news that former Senator John Edwards had an affair with a campaign aide has set the iVillage community ablaze with commentary, disgust and some really interesting angles on this story.

On the Betrayed Spouses Support board, member carpenchri shares what many of us are probably thinking:

"Well...front page news again. Another person trying to gain our trust comes out as cheating on his family.  Cheating on his wife — while she's busting her butt on the campaign trail for him — while battling cancer ... what could have been SO horrible that he had to do that to her?!?!"

For the most part, we often see some degree of distrust for political figures. But what is interesting about this case is that John Edwards, by most accounts (well, at least until now), was beyond that, with his clean image, his value-based talking points and, perhaps most notable, his wife's struggle with cancer, which has played out often on the campaign trail and in the news. It's exactly this, though, that has created such a stir in a wide variety of communities. While the outrage is predictable, some of the secondary conversations have taken a tone that is more considered and curious. Some are even questioning who knew what and when... and how much a person is responsible for their family when they're living their life so much in the public eye.

From the All Sides of an Affair board fallenstar2005 also wonders:

"I question whether Elizabeth Edwards knew about the affair in 2006. Would you agree to be part of a national presidential campaign knowing that there was someone out there who could publicly, on a whim, destroy you and your children's world? Not to mention the arrogance of John Edwards putting his political party at risk if he had actually won the nomination. Something just doesn't seem right..."

Remember when Marilyn McCoo sang about her Wedding Bell Blues with The 5th Dimension back in the 60s? No? Ok maybe I wasn't around in the 60s, but I listened to the tune recently and think Marilyn and Co. may have been onto something. While she sang about wanting to end her long engagement and have her wedding post-haste, I've been thinking more about a different kind of wedding bell blues -- the kind that comes after the I dos have been said, after the cake is cut and the rice tossed. The kind that comes with the excitement and stress of planning such a big day for months, sometimes years on end, and then suddenly that rush of excitement is over, leaving you returning to paying off that wedding, returning to work and all the mundane tasks that are just simply fact of life. 

Of course I'm speaking from experience here -- as some of you know, I recently got married (about 3 weeks ago, in fact). The wedding was really quite perfect, a touching and fun celebration with all of our family and closest friends; there's nothing about it I would do differently and I'm absolutely happy being married -- my husband is a true doll. (Lest you all come out with your marriage counseling guns a-blazing!) But I do admit that there was a bit of a letdown after the big day came and went and we returned from our honeymoon, easing back into the daily grind, far away from the gussied up superstars we were at the wedding. Perhaps it's just an imbalance of excitement or a predictable crash that can come after planning any big event or going through a major change. I thought it might be just a case of me being spoiled, but even my groom felt it a bit, saying that after we left the wedding it was a little strange to think we'd just go back to being ordinary people and no one would be the wiser to our heretofore superstar status. I think this might have been right around the time that we pulled into Taco Bell for a quick lunch the next day.

Apparently we're not the only ones.

As someone who will be planning a wedding soon, it was probably only a matter of time before this discussion caught my eye on The Bride-to-Be message board. It's no secret that weddings are big business and can cost a small fortune -- or in some cases, a large one. One iVillage bride-to-be offers her opinion:

"I really don't like big weddings. My best friend in college had a huge 30 thousand dollar wedding and I thought it was just ridiculous. I am morally opposed to spending so much money on one day, on one party, just because society and the wedding industry tell women that they should. I have no fantasies about being a princess or anything like that. If it were entirely up to me, we would just get married on the beach on the first day of the honeymoon, or at a JOP so our parents could be there."

Are huge weddings getting out of control? Between the showers, the rehearsals, the wedding itself and the reception -- it's expensive to even be in the outer realm of a wedding party, let alone to be the bride or groom. Is this just a matter of personal preference or are extravagant weddings a big waste of money? Does a pricey wedding start a couple off on the wrong foot? Let me know what you think -- and feel free to share your own outrageous wedding experiences.