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Each year leading up to Thanksgiving, the iVillage message boards buzz with discussions of gratitude as our community takes time to share the things they appreciate in their lives. Most were grateful for their families, their health and homes. Several said they were also thankful for stable jobs and income in the rough economy. Many also cited their iVillage support network of friends as something to celebrate. From the serious to the sublime, here's a sampling of responses from across the iVillage community:

I am so very grateful for my husband. I am going to try harder to make sure he knows how much I love and appreciate him. I am thankful to be an American. We face tough times but I know we can muster our spirit to get us on the right track.  -- thebetty

I am thankful to my girlfriends (here and IRL) and my Mom and MIL for teaching me how to be a parent and then for knowing how to be a mommy. I am so thankful for Sara's smile. I am thankful for the Phillies winning the world series - goodness knows the rest of our teams stink!! -- cl-andibear

I'm thankful for: those ladies here who entertain me when I'm feeling like I'm completely lonely; our house, because it's something that we felt we couldn't reach at our age but it's our present now; the fact that we're financially ok and not in trouble -- cobixns

I'm thankful for my health, for the health of my loved ones, and for the many, many wonderful friends who have come into my life and have blessed me richly with such love.  -- mmshortcake

I am grateful that I didn't ring my child's neck when I saw thong underwear coming out of her backside when she bent over in a pair of jeans that were extremely low rise. And I am also grateful that neither of these items were something she owned and they will be immediately returned to whichever "loose" friend she borrowed them from. -- itsme_2005

I'm thankful for my daughter's teachers, for they have demonstrated their willingness to have shared success with Maddy this year -- goldilocks3m

I am grateful my Mom taught me to cook so well, I am able to feed my family on very little money, and they think it's good! I am grateful that I took a minute to stop and get my favorite ice cream last night. -- momofmegandkate

I'm thankful for my kids' sense of humor, they make me laugh every day when I don't expect it. -- cl-nykatyrose

I'm grateful for my job and the great families I have right now. I couldn't ask for any better. -- srmagoo

I'm grateful that Barack Obama won the US presidency! The volunteer work I did was not in vain! I made a difference. Words cannot express the gratitude I have for this historic event. -- hotcarmel12

I am grateful that I am starting to "re-emerge" after my move 18 months ago. I am finding my own way of living in the space I have and it is beginning to look like home. --ladybug987

I am thankful we are still here, still healthy and while not as financially secure as we used to be, not as bad off as others. --thatyank

I'm grateful that I have a home, and that it's not in jeopardy. I'm grateful that DH and I both have jobs we enjoy and they aren't in jeopardy. I'm grateful our kids and our parents are healthy and strong. -- ginger.cookie

A roof over my head and plenty to eat. (I help at our church's lunch program and see many who have neither!) -- nottoo

My dh and I celebrated 26 years of marriage this year *and* are experiencing a renewed love for each other!  -- brenbran

I am thankful for the challenges that I am facing, which are forcing me to awake dorment dreams, goals and objectives, re-think priorities, realize that anything is possible, realize that happiness cannot be not boxed. -- bebeabordo

My creativity, being able to write and imagine. -- suffy_78

I am thankful for French Silk pie. -- beepsmomx2

I am thankful that we are maintaining our jobs and our house in this crazy economy. I am thankful that gas is below $2. -- hlong842001

I am very thankful for my wonderful and caring family, their health. Very thankful that I am married to a good man and good provider and good father. -- ptbwbarb

I'm thankful for days off when I can sleep in and take my time in the morning, just puttering around and enjoying my coffee. -- cl-mom_to_travis

 

This year I'm thankful for my family and friends, my health and prosperity, the hilarity of The Office and 30 Rock, pomegranates, good music and the chance to work with such a great community each and every day. What are you thankful for? Share it with me here and check out the gratitude discussion on our Finding Your Best Life message board. 

If you're not already feeling the blows of economic hardship, I have some bad news for you, it might just be a matter of time. All it takes is a quick glance at the headlines: The unemployment rate is at a five-year high. Second quarter foreclosures have surged. It's not exactly a shocker to read that the US economy continues to be weak. Ok, we get it already, it's bad. Unfortunately avoiding the headlines won't make much difference to those that are already facing tough times due to a rising cost of living, stagnant job markets and in some cases, mortgage issues. Here are just a few stories from around the iVillage community... 

"I work as a waitress at the moment. Working nights is wreaking havoc on my family... It isn't enough to live off of but it is more than an hourly wage and you work less hours. I don't know if I will be able to support my family in a few years the way cost of living is going up." -- indiccarose

"I wish I could [get rid of my credit cards], but sometimes that is the only way I can buy groceries.  We just don't bring in enough to cover all our expenses." -- luvmypunkin

"In the last 3 years, my husband and I have had a combined 6 job losses (layoffs & contract jobs) thanks to the economy, that has caused our cc debt to spiral out of control to $65K." -- gachick08

"I have been online applying for anything I am qualified to do. Even if the job does not offer benefits. I don't care now.  I need a income coming in.  We barely can make it on [my husband's] disability check.  [He] has MS and is unable to work due to how bad his disability is. " -- carolwood

"There is a house on our street that was foreclosed, bought, rented out, foreclosed and is now for sale again all in the space of a year." -- pameleen

"Our house is in foreclosure status and we have no idea where we are going to live soon. For the last 2 weeks we have been eating PB&J and spaghetti. It is all very discouraging and it takes a big toll on every family that is going through similar problems." -- cl-yourhopeful_gigs

"I do know several people who have lost their jobs recently. Sadly, our state has lost a lot of its better jobs in recent years, with few decent replacements in sight, while pay has lagged inflation in most cases for the jobs that remain. Other people we know thought they had saved enough for retirement and have been forced to either delay retirement or get back into the workplace." -- akrogirl 

Are you struggling due to the weak economy? What is causing the most stress for you? How are you coping? Leave a comment and let me know how you're being affected, your strategy for survival and anything else you're seeing out there.

Speaking of, uh, buzz ... the debate over the use and legalization of medical marijuana often comes up on our message boards, spanning a wide variety of communities. cl-karen292 brings up the topic on the Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue board, where the subject often takes a more personal angle:

Montel Williams was at our state capital yesterday making a pitch for the medical use of marijuana to help with pain for people having debilitating diseases such as cancer, HIV/AIDS and Multiple Sclerosis. Williams was DXed with MS in 1999. He related that he has tried to manage his pain through prescription medications such as OxyContin to morphine only to damage his kidneys, leaving him incapacitated for awhile and still not managing his pain.

She goes on to say:

"I am for the use of marijuana for medical purposes, but believe that it becomes a prescription medication prescribed by a doctor. I have read where they want to allow the patient to be able to grow their own. I think that is opening a can of worms."

Other iVillagers share their opinions:

"I think it's sad that some of the current methods of pain control that we currently have available are much more dangerous and addictive than marijuana."

"I heard in the past that they were trying to produce a pill form of marijuana. That would be ideal if it actually works.

I believe inhaling smoke of any kind is not healthy. I know that marijuana fries brain cells. I've seen it."

"I used to be against this until I developed FMS. I am allergic to marijuana, but if I wasn't I would definitely try it. I do think it would need to be monitored very closely."

Another member offers this interesting theory:

" I don't think marijuana will be legalized in any form. The (illegal) drug syndicates stand to lose too much money. I bet they fund lobbyists to campaign against legalization."

What do you think? Should marijuana be a legal option for those patients in need of pain relief? Should it be a prescribed and controlled substance, or should patients just be allowed to grow their own? Is this just asking for trouble? Jump in and share your thoughts and concerns on this hot button issue!

Now really ... When will people learn to not mess with breastfeeding moms? I mean, haven't we gone through this song and dance before? Apparently the folks over at MySpace didn't get the memo. Amanda tipped me off to this story about moms who are outraged over the removal of photos depicting nursing infants. The pictures are reportedly considered "indecent" or "sexually suggestive". This is supposedly against the social networking site's "policies". Really? Tell that to "^~2Sexy4U~^" who, along with her leather-thonged bottom, is constantly asking to be my "friend". Plenty of iVillage moms are not amused, and you know the women posting to our playgroups and breastfeeding boards have a thing or two to say about this:

"How is breastfeeding sexual??!! Um, they need to take down all the girls showing their cleavage then and the other trampy pictures I see on there all the time."

More than one mom finds the double standard unacceptable: "It just doesn't make any sense, ESPECIALLY when they allow plenty of skin when the context is clearly sexual." Another writes: "Some people are so sensitive. I'm more covered up when breast feeding in public then some teenage girls out with their families, esp. in summer. I have a right to feed my child however I choose and I always cover up, in fact I probably have more cleavage showing when NOT nursing." Good point. More reaction:

"I can't even believe that there could be a debate about this! Some of the pictures they put on there are disgusting! I've seen more boobs on that board from women and cartoon pictures than you would ever see while breastfeeding! "

Many of the moms talking on our parenting message boards are also taking part in an online petition against the photo removals. One posted the letter she wrote to MySpace in protest. Here's a portion:

"Some of them show the crudest pictures or cartoons, but yet, you have the nerve to take on nursing mothers, calling us offensive and inappropriate. Well, shame on you.

YOU are now part of the problem that us nursing mothers face everyday. YOU are now part of the reason that we have to fight for the right to feed our children the way God intended without being harassed. YOU are now part of the reason women are being asked to leave planes for trying to feed their child."

Seriously, MySpace? You want to mess with these women? Do you not realize that along with being passionate moms they are also, in many cases, sleep-deprived?

What does everyone else think about this controversy? Have we still not come to a point where breastfeeding is a common, natural, everyday non-sexual occurrence? Or, do you think moms should cover up and keep their breasts offline? Give it to me straight and let me know your thoughts!

In his second-to-last State of the Union address last night, President Bush called for legislation addressing energy consumption, immigration, health care, education and other needs; reiterated his new strategy, including increased troop deployments, for Iraq; and, interestingly, called for reduced gas consumption. (And you wanted to watch American Idol instead? Ha!) So, what did you think of his speech?

Before President Bush’s State of the Union address, “nearly two-thirds of Americans appear to have given up on success in Iraq and also on his presidency,” according to this article by NBC news. And when we asked you all about Bush's plan for increased deployments in Iraq a few weeks ago, you responded in droves, leaving comments ranging the spectrum from “The president doesn't know what he is doing" to "Our president has a tough job... He is doing the best that he can."

Did the president's speech last night make you feel differently about the course in Iraq, the economy, healthcare, or the state of the union in general?

Can a marriage survive without romance? This is the topic of one of our newest boards. On it, nmsweetie posts: “I've been reading a lot about relationships lately...especially regarding the idea that women's expectations are wrong. We shouldn't EXPECT to be "romanced" once we’re in a long term-relationship. They say things like the initial romantic stage transitions into something else...but what is wrong with needing a little romance!!?”

What follows is an outpouring of personal stories, and some of these are real heartbreakers. Whenever there is a post having to do with romance-less marriages on one of our message boards, what surprises me most is the tone of the responses, which by and large tend to sound something like, “Oh yeah, of course. I don’t love my husband that way anymore, and he doesn’t love me that way either.” The resignation, the “of course.” It’s sad! I mean, of course a marriage mellows out from the initial lusty business… but do we really have to live our whole lives without romance?

Here are some of the stories.

“I was married before I met [my current husband], and by all accounts that marriage was successful. We had two perfect children together, we bought a house and made a home, we did things together as a family every weekend, he brought me flowers on Valentine's Day, even bought me a beautiful diamond ring... he did all the right things to make me feel good, but none of it worked because I didn't love him romantically. I felt like I was numb- I should be feeling so happy and alive and fulfilled, and I just felt sad and lonely. Leaving him was the best thing I ever did for myself and for my family. It was the hardest and worst thing, too, but I don't regret it for even a second. We were too young to understand how important it is to be true to oneself, and once I got the courage to lovingly let him go and free myself, I knew it was the right thing to do.

Here's the thing- in my first marriage, even when things were going GREAT and we were *happy*, I still felt so sad and lost. In my second marriage, when things are horrible and I feel like the world is ending because of financial or health issues or whatever... when we hit those horrible low spots that happen in a normal marriage, I still feel so blessed to be with my husband. I just don't feel lonely or lost, ever.”

“I talked to DH yesterday about it. He was adamant that ‘things change’ after a while, and that's just how it is. I asked him why that had to be. I reminisced about how nice it was when we were dating, and how nice it felt to be wanted and loved, and I asked him what romance meant to him. He said ‘flowers, limo, lots of money being spent!!!’ I told him he was NUTS if he thought that my feelings about romance were the same. He said that he only said it because he thought that's what I wanted. Strange, we never rented a limo when we were dating! LOL Why would he think that???”

“His idea of romance is us having sex every few days, which is basically the only time he touches me or shows me affection…He doesn't even tell me he loves me anymore. His thing is ‘well you know that already so why should I keep repeating myself?’ I feel stifled and honestly, if it wasn't for our 8-year old son, I'd be long gone.”

“I don't think a marriage can survive without romance. I've been married over 40 years, and have never been touched except during sex…As other posters have said, it doesn't take money, for heavens sake. Just holding hands in the mall, or a kiss now and then. I get nothing, and it has made me so lonely I really wonder how I can stand it.”

Some posters suggest therapy or talking to the husbands in question. But, as one woman writes, “After telling my husband what I need (affection, touches, kisses, kind words..) he is beginning to give them to me slowly. And part of me is thrilled and another part wonders if it's too little too late.”

How can a marriage survive the slumps? When is it too late? I get that you talk to your SO, you try to work it out. But what happens when one or both of you isn't willing to put in the work it takes to keep that spark alive? Staying in a loveless marriage seems harder to me than leaving one, but I see how fear and inertia could take hold.

So, what do you think?

Do not mess with breastfeeding moms.

Seriously. Our boards do not like it.

See also:
May Blossoms 2005 Board:
"I read this on another board, and wanted to share it...A New Mexico woman who was kicked off an airplane departing from Burlington International Airport after she breast-fed her 22-month-old daughter has filed a complaint against two airlines with the Vermont Human Rights Commission.'"

The June 2007 Expecting Club: "GRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe this happened in my town!!!!"

September Sprites 2005 Board: "That is totally absurd!"

July Fireflies 2004 board: "Breasts have been so sexualized by society that we no longer view them as what they are. They are intended for feeding babies. That's why we have them. How on Earth can that be offensive????!!!!"

People, look at that punctuation. These are some strong feelings.

So what exactly happened? According to the article: “Gillette said she was seated in the second-to-last row, next to the window, when she began to breast-feed her daughter. Breast-feeding helps babies with the altitude changes through takeoff and landings, Gillette said. She said she was being discreet -- her husband was seated between her and the aisle -- and no part of her breast was showing.

Gillette said that's when a flight attendant approached her, trying to hand her a blanket and directing her to cover up. Gillette said she told the attendant she was exercising her legal right to breast-feed, declining the blanket. That's when Gillette alleges the attendant told her, 'You are offending me,' and told her to cover up her daughter's head with the blanket.

…Gillette said she didn't raise her voice -- not wanting to make a scene in the current jumpy air travel atmosphere -- and complied with the ticket agent, crying as she exited the plane.”

I don’t know about you all, but I am so glad that our airlines’ employees are working so hard to protect us from these nefarious moms feeding, soothing, and possibly SNUGGLING their babies! Thank you, flight attendant! I, for one, feel much safer. There is nothing more menacing than the bond between a mother and her child, and certainly nothing that makes me feel more offended than a calm, well-fed, and beloved baby. Oh, and nothing that makes me feel better than a crying, shaken young mother.

Um, no, not really.

This is buzzing all across our boards. What are people around you saying?

As you know, here at the Beehive we bring you the most important buzz of the day – what women are talking about, and what you need to know.

That’s why today I’d like to call your attention to a very important issue.
These shoes:

This is not okay.

At least not according to cl-lisacap21, who writes: “When did wearing gardening shoes become a fashion??? I am seeing more and more people wearing these hideous (in my humble opinion anyway) bright colored clogs.”

biores reports that this trend has not hit her area yet, but lovesfashion30 confirms sightings in Arizona. pvilleprincess shares the virtual shudder-in-disgust: “deadly ugly.” ohiogin chimes in: “I agree UGLY UGLY UGLY... They are all over Ohio...” And I hate to be the one to say this, but I’m seeing them all over New York City. (Fashion capital, my eye.) What are these things and why are they taking over the country?

And then finally an honest poster confesses. “I agree, they are ugly,” admits offuttmom – “but I tried on a pair and fell in love with the comfort.”

Mmm-hmmm.

Admit it – you’re wearing them right now. You said you wouldn’t; you thought they were totes ugs…and then you tried them on and gosh darn were those things comfortable. But is it worth it? Please, help me to understand!

Ever read something on the message boards or blogs and think, "Hm! What the heck did that mean?" Here's a brief glossary of common abrevs. Uh, that's abbreviations.

Say, ladies, have you heard that poodle skirts are back in style? Why don't you meet me at the five-and-dime in for some egg creams and then maybe we can work on embroideries for our hope chests! Peachy keen! Because apparently it’s 1950. Which explains this article I just read that began: “Guys: A word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don't marry a woman with a career.”

This Forbes.com article (on some crazy newfangled thing called the “Inter Net”) goes on to say that marriages with one breadwinner are happier and less stressful than marriages with two (especially if – gasp – she makes more money than he does). After all, ambitious and confident career gals are just too darn picky – they expect so much of a guy! Plus they won’t always be as willing to have kids or stay home with said kids.

Well, golly.

Deciding whether to focus on career or family – because that’s what this ends up being about, isn’t it? – is one of the hardest choices a woman has to make. See also: this impassioned debate on the Stay-at-Home vs Work board. It’s gotten almost 1500 responses in just a few days. Uh, hit a nerve much?

Of staying home with the kids, traderjodie writes, “I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.” Innocent enough statement, right? Of course not. Tons of you have been jumping in with thoughts on career vs. family, the effects working has on the marriage and kids, and the effects not working has on the marriage and kids.

Of staying in the work world, kbmamm writes, “The cost to a woman taking time off are lifelong. That break in her career is echoed throughout the rest of her career when she returns to work. A woman who takes time off can expect to make about 60% of what she could have if she'd never taken a break. It's way more than just the lost wages from the years not worked.”

What’s interesting is that many women would actually like to stay home – but can’t afford it, either financially or experientially, and/or feel like they would be giving up too much of themselves in order to have that “one breadwinner” marriage. And if staying at home means giving up financial independence and/or self-confidence…how one earth is that going to make a marriage happier and more stable? What do you think? Do you think a marriage is happier when only one person works? Join the conversation.