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Wedding Bell Blues
Remember when Marilyn McCoo sang about her Wedding Bell Blues with The 5th Dimension back in the 60s? No? Ok maybe I wasn't around in the 60s, but I listened to the tune recently and think Marilyn and Co. may have been onto something. While she sang about wanting to end her long engagement and have her wedding post-haste, I've been thinking more about a different kind of wedding bell blues -- the kind that comes after the I dos have been said, after the cake is cut and the rice tossed. The kind that comes with the excitement and stress of planning such a big day for months, sometimes years on end, and then suddenly that rush of excitement is over, leaving you returning to paying off that wedding, returning to work and all the mundane tasks that are just simply fact of life.
Of course I'm speaking from experience here -- as some of you know, I recently got married (about 3 weeks ago, in fact). The wedding was really quite perfect, a touching and fun celebration with all of our family and closest friends; there's nothing about it I would do differently and I'm absolutely happy being married -- my husband is a true doll. (Lest you all come out with your marriage counseling guns a-blazing!) But I do admit that there was a bit of a letdown after the big day came and went and we returned from our honeymoon, easing back into the daily grind, far away from the gussied up superstars we were at the wedding. Perhaps it's just an imbalance of excitement or a predictable crash that can come after planning any big event or going through a major change. I thought it might be just a case of me being spoiled, but even my groom felt it a bit, saying that after we left the wedding it was a little strange to think we'd just go back to being ordinary people and no one would be the wiser to our heretofore superstar status. I think this might have been right around the time that we pulled into Taco Bell for a quick lunch the next day.
Apparently we're not the only ones.
Newlywed ceinwyne shares her experience of taking the big step to change her name and finding it rather unceremonious:
"I went to the social security office to add DH's name to mine yesterday. Of course, it's a dreary government office, and the woman at the counter just typed in the info and bam, I have a new name. Next! I should have brought a handful of confetti or something. :) It's just so weird to do something so huge and no one cares. "
On Wedding Withdrawals, passion83 sums up what I think a lot of brides (and I'm sure grooms) feel after it's all said and done, but don't likely talk about much:
"I was the center of attention in both families. All conversations were about our wedding planning and all weekends was filled with our wedding planning. None of our friends was getting married so ours was THE wedding of the year. I was enjoying my time being the "bride-to-be".
After all the planning, the shopping, the parties, the wedding day came and was gone in a blink of an eye!"
rachellong82 felt the same way (and was glad to find a sympathetic ear):
"Finally, someone who understands!!! I planned for 2 years as well! It was my life. And the day after the wedding was over. I was so bummed! So I totally understand. I should have been so excited! I just got married! Going on our honeymoon! But I was a lil' depressed. Nothing to plan for!"
cl-heidi_hibbit offers this advice:
"I know how you feel...it's nice being the center of attention...and it can leave you a bit empty when it's all over with.
What helped us (yes hubby had it also) was to throw ourselves into other big projects to help pass the time."
Member thousandays concurs:
"All advice is pretty much the same - throw yourself into other projects. For me, it was finding a hobby. I discovered scrapbooking. And I've also gotten back into my figure skating. And planning vacations. You can spend almost as much time planning a wedding as you do researching vacations - it's crazy! Also, decorating my house took a lot of time, picking paint colors, fabrics, decor, etc."
For others, post-wedding blues are less about post-event letdown and more about the reality of adjusting to living together, dealing with the in-laws or more serious relationship issues. Maybe all of these feelings are due to the enormous pressure we put on one big day, as weddings tend to spiral a bit out of control. While there may be those that say too much emphasis is put on the wedding and not on the marriage itself, I am inclined to think that no matter what sort of wedding you have or where you're putting your emphasis, a little bit of letdown is normal. I find that reliving the moment with friends and family -- including my new husband -- laughing about the unexpected things, patting ourselves on the back for what went smoothly and relishing the whole experience truly helps. As does forcing anyone in a 100-yard radius to look at our wedding pictures.
What do you think about all of this post-wedding blues business? A bunch of imaginary hoopla or something you can relate to? Share your wedding (and post-wedding) stories here and how you've adjusted to newlywed life.
And enjoy the obligatory wedding snapshot ... in the name of helping me through my post-wedding recovery period, of course.
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I didn't have a wedding, but my sisters both did and both felt very let down afterwards when all the planning was done and the spotlight shone on someone else again. Both had major postnuptial depression for several weeks after, which they each cured by throwing themselves into the planning of friends' weddings, bridal showers, and baby showers.
I remember very clearly, even though it was some 14 years ago, being on our honeymoon, lounging at the hotel pool and having it suddenly hit me that it was over. No more planning, no more anticipation and I suddenly felt a little sad that it had passed by in such a blur. Then we came home, picked the proofs up from the photographer and got to relive the entire day all over again. Hang in there!
Why I believe that my get married in my mom's living room with 25 CLOSE friends and family was the best option. We were never focused on the wedding and would have gotten married at the court house had my mom not BEGGED us to get married ANYWHERE else.
I think too many people put so much hope and bliss on to that ONE day of your life that they are bound to be let down afterward. Focus on the marriage and not the wedding.
Maybe the past year or 2 years (2 years?!?!?!) or however long shouldn't have been 100% focused on 1 day, but focused on the rest of your life. Too many brides bask in the "it's all about me", "I'm the center of attention" and it's perfect for brewing a bridezilla and a major let down afterwards. Yes it's a special day, but your special day is just that one day to everyone else. So many think it's a special week, month, year.
Also, make sure not to alienate anyone during your marathon planning sessions. I've known so many brides who have no one to turn to after the wedding and the wedding bell blues set in, because they only focused on 1 day for so long. Don't neglect the rest of your life, and your life will still be happy the day after your wedding and the many days to come.
I found that with all the planning, how much I enjoyed it! So I decided to start a "mini" business in Wedding Planning & Coordinating! So I totally agree with the sentiment about throwing yourself into another project! This would be mine! I kept telling my new husband that I wanted to do it again! And the more I thought about it, this was the way I could at least be involved someone elses! I have 4 under my belt since my 1 year anniversary that will be 8/18/08! So it's a start and everyone of them has made me relive my special day! And I hope that their day was just as grand as mine (ours, lol)!