April 2008 Archives

In the last few weeks, a controversy has erupted over one New York City mother's decision to let her fourth grader ride the subway unaccompanied. The mom, a columnist for the New York Sun, wrote about her son's trip in a column in early April. She was surprised when most of her readers responded critically. Many were horrified that a 9 year old was permitted that kind of independence, especially in such a big city. But the writer and mom whose decision has come under fire believes that modern kids are being coddled and that as a society we're doing ourselves as well as our children a disservice. She's even started a blog, Free Range Kids, where she promotes the notion that today's kids ought to be given more of the same freedoms that her generation enjoyed. Interestingly, however, iVillagers don't agree; the overwhelming majority thinks the New York City mom made an egregious error in judgment.

Member isysmoon writes: "OMG no! It's questionable whether or not adults are safe in the city alone." Member rlch strongly agrees: "NO WAY IN HELL I would leave [my daughter] alone in a CITY TO FIND HER WAY HOME!!!!!!!!!!" Member cl-west1745 feels similarly and is happy to embrace her protective tendencies: BUT OMG -- to allow any kid to be by himself on a subway in NYC at that age -- I think that is just crazy and do not really believe that story. We are suburbia types, anyway, so a whole different world. Clean, coddled, cozy and I like it that way!"

While Member jenna_luvsher_labs agrees with her fellow iVillagers, she also explains why she think 9 years old is too young: "I feel it is my responsibility to teach [my daughter] how to be home alone. But, I would never put her outside in public like [the boy in New York City] was. Until they are 12 or 13, kids don't have the reasoning skills to avoid harmful situations in public."

One young member, missnmyarmyman, who is not yet a parent, was compelled to chime in, too: "I don't have children so my comment might not count, but I can't believe [that mother] did that. I myself wouldn't even want to walk back to my house or use public transportation alone in a big city. There are too many weirdos out there that you can't trust. Anything could have happened to him." Member navywife76 does have children, and she, too, was shocked: "ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... She did this in New York City?!!!!!! Is this woman out of her flippin' mind?!?! I think she should be turned in to CPS. No decent mother would do that. Yeah, kids are always going to want their independence. They ALL do. It's in their nature. [That mother] should feel VERY lucky that she still has a child to want independence. There are too many things that could happen to a child that young in such a large city (in ANY city, actually) for her to just let him go off on his own." Member cl-clabk had a similar reaction:  "All I can say is NO WAY!  Not unless I had an undercover cop watching his every move from point A to point B. I don't even let my 10 year old go two blocks to the high school to ride his bike by himself."

Member natesmom_2004 is equally upset, but she also points out another situation the New York City mom may have inadvertently created: "My question is where does [this mom] go from here? Most parents give their children a little bit of independence at a time, gradually increasing the luxury when the child proves he is responsible enough for more. She gave him the whole hog at one time. Now it's going to be, 'I proved I can ride the subway alone; I want to go to a rock concert in Jersey by myself.' What 'parent card' does she play then? Yes, the child did prove he was responsible enough and mature enough to handle himself in this situation, but now what?"

What do you think? Did the mom in New York City make a bad decision? Or, do you think that parents raising kids today are overly cautious? Share your thoughts.

Should patients pay several thousands of dollars a month for the medicine they need? When a recent New York Times article reported that health insurance companies are adopting a new pricing system that will drastically hike up the amount of co-payments, iVillage members were outraged.

With the new pricing system, insurers abandoned the traditional arrangement that has patients pay a fixed amount, like $10, $20 or $30 for a prescription, no matter what the drug’s actual cost. Instead, they are charging patients a percentage of the cost of certain high-priced drugs, usually 20 to 33 percent, which can amount to thousands of dollars a month.

Many iVillagers, including catwoman1977, can't help but express their disdain over the new pricing system: "We're already paying several hundred dollars a month in co-pays and now it might go into the thousands? There's no way the average American taxpayer can afford to be ill!"

And not surprisingly, members who already have medical and health issues to deal with, are doubly concerned. Says member ellamenopea: "This can't possibly be true, can it? My husband takes medication for asthma and if we had to pay more than the current co-pay, which is already $50, we'd have to change our style of living. Some of his medications are very, very expensive ... What the heck is wrong with this country that we can't provide for those who need care? And why can't the drug companies eat some of this cost?"

Member 3_lil_monkeys feel the same way: "I've been diagnosed with severe allergies as well as skin cancer, so I've had more office visits with specialists (co-pays for office visits to specialists have doubled) as well as medications that we didn't expect to have to purchase. We've already depleted our flex account for the entire year and will now need to pay any costs for the remaining 8 months of this year from out of our pockets."

It seems everyone has the same question. Asks member nightandday: "What's the point in having insurance and paying the ridiculously high premiums if we're going to have to pay for the drugs we need anyway?"

Share your thoughts on this issue, how will you be affected by the rise of co-payments?

It’s no secret that thin is in, and overweight people have long felt condemned because of their size. Now, a new study from Yale University confirms that weight discrimination, or “fatism,” is indeed rampant in America. The researchers found that discrimination based on weight occurs frequently in both professional and social settings.

Not surprisingly, the study opened a floodgate of perspectives and emotions within the iVillage community. Many members welcomed a scientific acknowledgement that the discrimination they feel in their daily lives is not a figment of their imagination. Member ladyirish317 shared her experience, “People who wouldn't dream of putting me down for my religion, age or gender think nothing of trampling on me for my weight … I had a little girl tell me once, ‘You're not my friend; you're fat!’ Guys in cars have sped past me yelling insults. Once a boy on a city bus leaned out of the window and shouted at me that I should lose weight because ‘You really are ugly.’ I've been turned down for jobs because of my weight, too, though it's never phrased that way.” Another member, mom_rileymm, who has been thin as well as heavy, agreed. “I do notice a difference in how people treat me; it is night and day. One time I got a flat tire, and I had 4 people stop and help. Another time I was crying waiting for AAA for 45 minutes on the side of the road without a single person stopping. Guess what? The second time I was heavy.” Interestingly, mom_rileymm goes on to admit that not only has she experienced weight discrimination, but she herself has also judged overweight people harshly, “And I have to say that I’m even guilty of [weight discrimination, too] when I’m skinny.”

But she’s not the only one. Many members say that they look at heavy people differently than thin people. While member upanddownunder believes that cruelty towards overweight people is wrong in a social environment, she believes that sometimes employers should consider a potential hire’s weight. “In the job market there are definitely grounds for discriminating against fat people, and by that I mean obese people. There are many health problems related to obesity, which can mean that a fat person will need to take time off work or be unable to do their job to the highest level—putting a strain on the employer's business.”

Member jenl703 writes that she also judges people by their size. “I will admit that I DO judge people before I know them based on their appearance (weight, cleanliness and clothes). I am not proud of it, but I know I do it. I have many friends who are very overweight, and it doesn't bother me with them at all.... I don't even notice it. However, if I see someone I don't know and notice that they are very overweight, my first thought is that they probably eat the wrong food and don't exercise.” Several members acknowledged that, like jenl703, they have heavyset friends who they’d never judge, but they don’t hesitate to be critical of overweight strangers. Member esita writes, “I do get annoyed when I see someone who is obviously overweight, gorging on greasy takeaway. I get annoyed when a fat person sits next to me on the train, and I'm squished against the window … I certainly don't hate fat people. I mean, I have a couple 'fat' friends. I don't see them as fat, though. I just see them as my friends.”

Weight discrimination appears to be acceptable in part because many believe that heavy people are choosing to be fat. Member leeya98 says, “I think it sucks that someone could potentially not get hired because of her weight, but like my grandmother used to say, ‘Don’t give people a stick to crack you over the head with!’ Very few people that struggle with weight do so because of medical conditions; usually, it’s a choice!” Member lv2breathe feels similarly, “It is something you can do something about, and it's a reflection of your values and lifestyle. It can be a reflection of eating too much and not exercising. These things aren’t appealing and so no one should be surprised if others don't react positively to them [because they are unfit].” Member mama_lah, however, disagrees. “I totally think that there’s a huge problem with weight-ism in America. I am overweight, and … I think the thing people need to understand is that people don't want to be overweight. It is an eating disorder, just like anorexia or bulimia.”

What do you think? Do you believe that weight discrimination is a problem? Have you experienced it or seen it  happen to someone else? Share your thoughts.