March 2008 Archives

Concern (and debate) over sex education is still alive and well in the country—and on the iVillage boards—especially in light of a recent government study which revealed that one in four teen girls has a sexually transmitted disease. But further fueling the sex-ed debate is a U.S. survey that revealed comprehensive sex education that includes discussion of birth control may help reduce teen pregnancies, while abstinence-only programs seem to fall short.

Even before the results of the sex education study were released, some iVillagers already have objections to abstinence-only programs, which receive $176 million in government funds annually. Member beaches59 on the Parenting Issues Debate board says, "My objection to abstinence-only health education is that I'd much rather have my children get the scientific information and [be able to] make knowledgeable choices."

Many iVillagers, such as member lyn0905 from the June 2006 Playgroup, feel schools should have a comprehensive sex ed program: "While I think teaching abstinence is so important... we also need to help protect those that don't choose abstinence. I'm not sure how I feel about schools handing out condoms but I do think it's important for parents and sex ed programs to not only teach abstinence as a form of protection... but also how to use condoms correctly!"

Some, however, such as member momathome91041, feel abstinence-only sex education is effective because it disregards what may be confusing information: "I favor abstinence-only because it is the only thing that is both safe and effective. I believe that [sex] education that includes birth control teaching can only confuse some kids and lull them into believing that birth control equals 'safe sex' equals infallible--which it's not. It's not 100% fool-proof, it's not 100% safe, either."

Member susananderek has an opposing view, and believes it's important to give as much information as possible: "The fact is, teenagers are making the decision to either have sex or to not have sex. I know that any decision I make is best made with all the available information. And this is such an important decision. So I think that yes, let's teach them about abstinence—give them the tools they need to say no, if that is what their choice is going to be. But lets also give them the birth control and STD information. Demystify it, teach it, and hopefully the kids will learn enough to make good decisions."

Another member, thatyank, agrees and also thinks that teaching responsibly means teaching a comprehensive sex education: "Teaching ONLY abstinence is, at best, negligent,and at worst, criminal as this generation appears to be sadly ignorant of how [sexually transmitted] diseases are transmitted, of how vulnerable they are, and of what to do when symptoms are noticed..."

Share your thoughts. Are you in favor of abstinence-only sex education? Do you think it's effective? Leave your comments below.

News that New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer has spent thousands of dollars on a high-priced prostitution service had the iVillage message boards buzzing with expressions of shock, outrage and disappointment.

Now, there's another revelation that has the community talking: "new" New York governor David Paterson admits he had marital affairs with several women, one a state employee.

Spitzer's Successor: Also a Cheater?

Gov. David Paterson's confession came a day after he took over from former Gov. Eliot Spitzer. Paterson said the affairs happened during a rough patch in his marriage, and that the employee did not work for him. He insisted that no campaign or state money was spent on the affairs.

An Beehive commenter has this to say: "Watching this thing unfold I'm beginning to think that ALL men cheat. But why? Why marry the woman, pledge to her your faithfulness and then cheat?" But cl-nwtreehugger think more people should applaud Gov. Paterson and his wife: "This couple learned from their mistakes. They went for counseling and saved their marriage."

Member mkatherine thinks he did the right thing by admitting his affairs: "I think he did the smart thing... admit to what happened and get it done with. He didn't abuse power, he didn't break any laws, he had a difficult marriage and they both went astray and found their way back."

Honesty may be the best policy in the new governor's case, but if you cheated would you tell your significant other even if the admission tears you apart?

Reactions to the Spitzer Scandal

The whole scandal still leaves a bad taste in many iVillagers' mouths. Members, such as raskolnikov_pliskin, have harsh words for the former governor—a staunch advocate of ethics reform—calling him a disgrace and a hypocrite. "I hope he is prosecuted for breaking the law and has to live with the consequences like any other John." Member susandoris also expresses her disappointment over the actions of Spitzer, a 48-year-old married man with three teenage daughters: "I'm sad for his family and disappointed by his own lack of responsibility towards me and all New Yorkers."

Members are also commenting on the governor's wife, Silda Wall Spitzer. Her appearance by her husband's side as he made his apology on Monday launched dozens of conversations. Why is she there? Should she be there? Several members, such as navygal06, don't think she should be at her husband's side. "I don't see how you could stand next to your husband while he apologizes for cheating on his family. In reality he's really only sorry because he got caught."

Member pamela.r.simpson also wonders why Sptizer's wife is standing by him. "I just wonder why political wives go along with it so consistently ... to save her [husband's] career, I suppose. Only, I wonder why there aren't more wives who decide that hubby—and his career—can go jump in the lake at that point."

Why do betrayed political wives stand by their man? Member fallenstar2005 thinks it's part of the "business arrangement" that constitutes most political marriages: "It's supposed to be sort of subliminal. See? He isn't so bad. His spouse is still supporting him. If she can forgive him why can't the voters? I really don't know how the spouses stand up to the pressure." She adds: "Actually, I do. When you first find out you have been betrayed, you are enveloped in a numbing confusion. My husband confessed to me on the morning of my son's graduation. I had to sit next to the man I loved and hated more than anything else in the world and deal with friends and family and the appearance of a normal happy event. You become numb. You know you are in no state to make any decisions, yet, and you just live minute by minute. It's horrible."

cl-vahalla31z from the Betrayed Spouses board says she would give Silda Wall Spitzer the same advice she gives on the support group: "[I'll tell her] to make sure she is putting herself and her children first. To think about what she wants out of life, a partner, and a marriage, and then look at her husband to see if she believes he is willing and able to give that to he. If she wants to remain married, then she should be looking to see if he is showing true remorse for the pain he has caused her, if he is taking full and complete responsibility for his choice to cheat, if he is showing through his actions that he will make changes in himself and his lifestyle, and that he will put in a lot of effort into working on the marriage."

Share you thoughts on the governor's resignation and fall from power. Should his wife Silda stand by him? Leave your comments below and watch the video: what to tell your children when a parent cheats.

Homeschooling has always been a hot topic in the iVillage community, but a recent California Court of Appeal ruling that says parents now need teaching credentials to homeschool their kids really had the message boards buzzing.

The ruling—which would make California the strictest on homeschooling—stemmed from a case involving a Los Angeles-area couple who homeschooled their eight children. One of the children claimed the father was physically abusive.

Not surprisingly, many iVillagers and homeschool advocates, such as member summerbaby99 are angry about the ruling, calling it flat-out wrong: "This is wrong on so many levels, I just can't believe that a judge, let alone a panel of three judges, have come to this decision. I fail to see how having a child taught by a credentialed teacher would protect them from abuse."

Member is_it_christmas_yet from the December 2006 Playgroup agrees, calling the ruling ridiculous: "Personally, I find it completely offensive that any state would force a parent to have a teaching certificate to teach their OWN child. What's next? A [psychology] degree before you can counsel your kid? A medical degree before you can stick on a Band-Aid? I would petition this law, and I would move if I had to. It's ridiculous to think that teachers know the best way to teach ... No one is better equipped to make decisions on a child than that child's parents."

Does the ruling actually intrude on parental rights? Many seem to think so. leoandnatesmom from the March 2006 Playgroup says: "People who choose to homeschool do so because some aspect of the public school system does not meet their needs. Maybe it is substance and maybe it is the quality of the teachers or the environment or some combination of these and many other factors. To require these parents to have the same credentials as public school teachers, which I presume is cost-prohibitive, is akin to outlawing homeschooling... On a more fundamental level, private school teachers don't have to have teaching degrees, so why should parents who homeschool?"

Some iVillagers, however, such as certified teacher dcnanny, agree with the ruling: "I have often wondered about so many children being homeschooled by parents who are wonderfully well-intentioned and loving, but not up to the challenge that is an inherent part of strong teaching. I worry about the rigor of home programs, I worry about the socialization, I worry about lags that students have shown when they come into my very own classroom after being homeschooled."

Member addieandclairesmom from the January 2007 Playgroup see the benefit in having standards (though not necessarily teaching credentials) followed for homeschooling: "I do support standards for homeschooled kids, making sure they are learning what they are supposed to [be learning] ... Despite the best intentions of homeschooling, parents just aren't capable of teaching their children. Sad but true. As a teacher, I've seen kids come back to public school after being homeschooled. Some have been ahead academically but a few were way behind. No parent sets out to do a bad job homeschooling, but it happens. I'm sure most homeschooling parents do their research, but some dont. And really, if you're not a teacher, how would you know what math skills a third-grader is supposed to know? If you dont research it to find out, or use a preplanned curriculum, how would you know?"

What are your thoughts on this issue? Do you think parents need teaching credentials to homeschool their children? Leave your commments below.