Unpopularity = Weight Gain?
A new study conducted by a recent graduate of the Harvard School of Public Health has found that adolescent girls who view themselves as unpopular are 69% more likely to put on weight than girls who see themselves as more popular. Researchers believe the study helps demonstrate that winning the battle against obesity, which has been on the rise among children as well as adults, is not only about physical health. It’s also about mental health. Unfortunately, there is usually very little that parents can do to increase their child’s popularity or prevent bullying. But parents are still a powerful force in their children’s lives, and they have a large influence on their kids’ self-esteem and ability to manage stress in social situations with their peers. This topic has touched a nerve on the iVillage boards, and members have been quick to respond with suggestions to help kids who are struggling socially and with their weight.
Member 3_lil_monkeys keeps it straightforward by writing, “Keep reminding your [daughter] that she's a wonderful person with a lot of great attributes. Really play up her positives and praise her constantly.” Member mags_66 agrees, “I have told [my daughter] that being different isn’t bad … you shouldn’t have to try to be someone you are not, and if [the other kids] don’t like you, then it’s not worth even talking to those kids.”
Other members offer more specific advice. Member turtletime1 says, “I'd get [your daughter] into some interest-based activities that have their own culture and are known for accepting kids who are different. If the school situation can't be fixed, I'd consider moving her to a new school for the rest of the year. She may do well in an alternative type of school like a charter or magnet. Help her embrace her weirdness. When kids take pride in being different, they are no longer easy targets!” While member weberdns0 suggests reaching out to some of the friendlier girls in the class and organizing play dates outside of school and away from bullies. She also suggests acting out plausible scenarios. “You need to roll play activities on how your daughter will approach problems and bullies. This will help her find ways of dealing with [them]. My son found that humor was eventually the best way to deal with bullies in school.”
Member cl-emmas.mom even recommends a book that she found particularly valuable. “The only thing I can add to this conversation is to say that I found reading Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls to be very insightful … It includes chapters on how to deal with the schools and what to say/not say to help your [daughter].”
Even some teens have joined the conversation. 13-year-old member prudhommejames writes about her struggles, “I get picked on mercifully at school and made fun of because of my weight problem. I want to go on a diet, but I have no one to help me with it.” Member freelancemomma responds, “Could your parents help you with a diet? If not, perhaps a relative or family friend? Talk to your doctor to get started … You're at the most difficult social age. Kids your age can be mercilessly cruel. But it will get better, whether you lose the weight or not. Whatever you do, don't give up. There are marvelous, unique qualities inside you, just like there are in other people. Don't let some extra weight stop you from discovering who you are and from experiencing happiness. I promise you it's within your grasp.”
Is your child having at difficult time at school or with her weight? Did you struggle when you were an adolescent? Share your advice and experiences.
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Well growing up I always felt uncomfortable around the girls who ate what they want but had a skinny toned body. Yes they were athletic, on teams, and were popular! We are all beautiful in our own way because we have something that is distincitve. Now I realize that looks do play a role but that who you are is more important. In corporate America the beauty excecutive always excels. As Suzie Orman says, a successful woman is beautiful, graceful, confident, organized, and courageous. Look at the women you admire. Chances are they are not over weight and are dressed for success. If you are confident then you care about your appearance and this leads to beauty.
My daughter isn't one of those girls that wears a size 2, in fact at 16 she wears about a 10,11. (I am extremely over weight at 250 due to an auto accident several years ago.) She was saying she was getting "fat" and was one of the ugliness girls in school. I found a modeling school out of Chicago and sent her for classes. she found out that the average teen model in the Midwest for commercial and print, is a size 10, and that only runway models in Europe , and New York are a size 2. She finished her classes with the attitude of "I'm Awesome and I know it." she even went for Miss Teen Wisconsin this past year wearing her size 10 clothes.
I am 21 and in college now, but I was in this unpopular position not so long ago despite my academic success and musical talent. All I have to say is that (1)if your kid tells you that he/she's being made fun of, then treat it like it's really bad. It's an embarrassing problem, and kids aren't going to tell anyone unless they're next to desparate. (2)The consequences of being made fun of growing up can affect people for a very long time. I'm still feeling the rejection even though I am blessed with many friends who care.(3)Encourage your child to learn how to do things for themselves and for others. This promotes self esteem better than any haircut or outfit. (4)Be sure to emphasize that frequently, the people making fun will end up being losers in the next 5-10 years. I saw one of the girls who made fun of me today at Wal Mart w/ her dead-beat husband and 2 kids. My parents told me that and they were SO right. Just some thought for the parents out there trying to help their children.
I question the conclusion that the mental/emotional strain of being unpopular leads to weight gain. It seems more likely to me that the thinner girls either have extra confidence leading to their popularity or that the social circle of the popular girls may encourage dieting/weight management to a greater degree than other groups of students.
So Does it lead to obesity or anorexia?
I think the popular kids are popular because of their mental state. They have "friends" that make them popular. I thought the "popular" kids back in school were "stupid" most of them had low grades, but I found myself barely eating even though I was skinny looking back at those times. I find the kids today that it is more acceptable to be heavier though than it used to be. As for the midwest... yes... we are much heavier here than the rest of the country. I am a healthy person now average for my height around a size 5-7 and people tell me im skinny all the time. The dr told me I am right where I need to be. I think we all need to look at this from another angle.
So Does it lead to obesity or anorexia?
I think the popular kids are popular because of their mental state. They have "friends" that make them popular. I thought the "popular" kids back in school were "stupid" most of them had low grades, but I found myself barely eating even though I was skinny looking back at those times. I find the kids today that it is more acceptable to be heavier though than it used to be. As for the midwest... yes... we are much heavier here than the rest of the country. I am a healthy person now average for my height around a size 5-7 and people tell me im skinny all the time. The dr told me I am right where I need to be. I think we all need to look at this from another angle.