January 2008 Archives
Kids grow so fast, and for parents of two or more children, hand-me-down clothes are great time- and money-savers. But is it a good idea for parents to let their younger kids use their siblings' outgrown underwear? This question recently sparked animated discussions on the iVillage message boards, and one buzz-worthy debate.
Some iVillagers were quick to describe hand-me-down underwear as “eww, a thousand times eww”, “nasty” and just plain “gross.” They, like member crunchy_ananas, think parents shouldn’t have to scrimp when it comes to personal necessities such as underpants: "Underwear is cheap, seriously. There's no reason to hand them down." Member tsarina_andais agrees: “I am an only child with only one son but I think hand-me-down underwear is gross. Underwear is seriously not that expensive. I think I would have issues if I couldn't even have new underwear. I asked my mom about it, who is the youngest of six, and she was horrified. She says all she wore were hand-me-downs, but she always had new underwear and socks. [Hand-me-down underwear] gets a definite ‘No’ vote from this camp.”
iVillagers also pointed out the “ick factor” associated with hand-me-down underwear. Member ashmama says: "Microbiologists in studies have found fecal matter on clean underwear, so I wouldn't do it … I don't think everything has to be perfectly sterile--a certain amount of germs can be good for your immune system--but there is something a little bit nasty about wearing undies with other people's poo on them, know what I mean?”
But some members, such as lois15354, point out that siblings already share germs anyway, so hand-me-down underwear is completely harmless: “ We hand down underwear. I can't see any reason why not… My husband and I are not exactly living in penury, but there are days when one of the kids will holler out that he's out of underpants, and I tell him to go get a pair out of his brother's drawer. Heck, they share a toilet, which I am dead sure is not exactly super hygienic all of the time … They pull toilet paper off the same roll. I'm quite clear on the fact that they are exposed to each other's fecal germs on a semi-regular basis.”
Are the grossed-out parents being too squeamish, too fearful of germs? Member anotherheater thinks so: “ If you sit on the same toilet seat as other people (even your own family members) then you are in contact with lots of germs right there on your hiney. Do you have a separate toilet seat for every member of your family? A separate washing machine? A separate hermetically-sealed spot for toothbruses? Are we truly so germaphobic that we can't be reasonable?”
Some iVillagers also point out one advantage of hand-me-down underwear: it’s good for the environment. Says member jennagreen: “I don't see anything wrong with [hand-me-down undies] as long as they are washed in hot water, bleached, and unstained. Hand-me-downs save money and are better for the environment. We are such a throwaway society!”
Parents, have your say. Do you let your younger kids use their siblings’ outgrown underwear? Do you think hand-me-down undies are a great way to re-use and recycle, or are they just plain unsanitary? Share your thoughts below.
The actress and former talk show host, Ricki Lake, is worried that moms-to-be aren’t as educated about the birthing process as they should be. With her new documentary, “The Business of Being Born,” Lake raises questions about obstetrics and whether or not mothers and their babies are being serviced as well as they should be. Lake, who delivers her second son at home and on camera in the film, is an advocate of home births. Many moms feel passionately about this topic and were quick to join the debate on our message boards.
Pain is no deterrent for member themodernmother, who writes, “The epidural is the only reason to go to the hospital, and for me, that's just not enough. I've [given birth] every way except a c section (hosp/epi, birth center, hospital/induced/epi and home), and home was by far the best because of being able to be left alone after.” Member digitalbaby agrees. She even feels that a home birth can be less painful. “Birth at a hospital, in my experience, is more painful. ESPECIALLY if you're given pitocin. At home, you're more relaxed, and it's an environment you know. I'm not going to say labor doesn't hurt, but for me at least, it's magnitudes more manageable than at a hospital.”
For some mothers a home birth is preferable, because their comfort and their desires are a priority. Member cartuin8 says, “I love the idea of not having to worry about making it to the hospital. Of having everything ready to go in your house and not having to go to a hospital full of sick people. Not being pressured to have drugs or to be able to do this on your own. Having someone there just for you instead of sharing nurses with everyone in labor.” Member marissamom believes there is no comparison between a hospital and a home delivery. “For me, it's the hospital that is too dangerous to give birth in. There are far too many interventions that are considered routine and harmless. None of those interventions have ever been shown to improve fetal or maternal outcome. But they have been shown to increase complications and c-sections. There is also a far greater chance of infection in a hospital.”
But not all moms feel the same. Some members, like mommy_nan, know that a home birth is not the right choice for them. “I think the idea of a home birth is wonderful. However, I would never be able to do it. I loved the security of being at the hospital and knowing if something did happen to my baby or me, there was immediate care available to us. If I had a home birth and something went wrong and something happened to my baby because I chose to not go to the hospital, I would never forgive myself.” Member leigh9781 also appreciates the security a hospital can provide. “I totally see the appeal of a home birth and everything, but when you haven't done it before you have no idea how you will react to the birthing process. You may just want to have the safety and security of being in the hospital for your first [baby].”
Money is another concern for some mothers. Member Joshsmomme writes, “For us to have a hospital birth we only pay a small co pay; a home birth we have to pay for everything out of pocket, which is not an option for us.” Member threekangas_plus1, who lives in Australia, has a similar view. “The other great thing about hospital birthing for us was that we had no out of pocket expenses. I love that for the couple of days I stayed, my meals arrived, my baby's laundry was done and the only thing I had to do was care for my baby. I also appreciated the very close breastfeeding support.”
There is, however, an alternative to both home and hospital births for those who aren’t comfortable with either one: a birthing center. Member marrymeflyfree has decided to give birth at a birthing center. “We are [using a birthing center], and I'm really looking forward to it. I would have considered birthing at home, but [my boyfriend] was really not up for that—so this is a perfect compromise for us ... And it's directly across the street from the hospital if a problem should come up.”
Expectant mothers, check out this iVillage quiz and find out which childbirth method is right for you.
What do you think? How did you choose to give birth? Do you have any regrets? Share your thoughts below.
A new study conducted by a recent graduate of the Harvard School of Public Health has found that adolescent girls who view themselves as unpopular are 69% more likely to put on weight than girls who see themselves as more popular. Researchers believe the study helps demonstrate that winning the battle against obesity, which has been on the rise among children as well as adults, is not only about physical health. It’s also about mental health. Unfortunately, there is usually very little that parents can do to increase their child’s popularity or prevent bullying. But parents are still a powerful force in their children’s lives, and they have a large influence on their kids’ self-esteem and ability to manage stress in social situations with their peers. This topic has touched a nerve on the iVillage boards, and members have been quick to respond with suggestions to help kids who are struggling socially and with their weight.
Member 3_lil_monkeys keeps it straightforward by writing, “Keep reminding your [daughter] that she's a wonderful person with a lot of great attributes. Really play up her positives and praise her constantly.” Member mags_66 agrees, “I have told [my daughter] that being different isn’t bad … you shouldn’t have to try to be someone you are not, and if [the other kids] don’t like you, then it’s not worth even talking to those kids.”
Other members offer more specific advice. Member turtletime1 says, “I'd get [your daughter] into some interest-based activities that have their own culture and are known for accepting kids who are different. If the school situation can't be fixed, I'd consider moving her to a new school for the rest of the year. She may do well in an alternative type of school like a charter or magnet. Help her embrace her weirdness. When kids take pride in being different, they are no longer easy targets!” While member weberdns0 suggests reaching out to some of the friendlier girls in the class and organizing play dates outside of school and away from bullies. She also suggests acting out plausible scenarios. “You need to roll play activities on how your daughter will approach problems and bullies. This will help her find ways of dealing with [them]. My son found that humor was eventually the best way to deal with bullies in school.”
Member cl-emmas.mom even recommends a book that she found particularly valuable. “The only thing I can add to this conversation is to say that I found reading Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls to be very insightful … It includes chapters on how to deal with the schools and what to say/not say to help your [daughter].”
Even some teens have joined the conversation. 13-year-old member prudhommejames writes about her struggles, “I get picked on mercifully at school and made fun of because of my weight problem. I want to go on a diet, but I have no one to help me with it.” Member freelancemomma responds, “Could your parents help you with a diet? If not, perhaps a relative or family friend? Talk to your doctor to get started … You're at the most difficult social age. Kids your age can be mercilessly cruel. But it will get better, whether you lose the weight or not. Whatever you do, don't give up. There are marvelous, unique qualities inside you, just like there are in other people. Don't let some extra weight stop you from discovering who you are and from experiencing happiness. I promise you it's within your grasp.”
Is your child having at difficult time at school or with her weight? Did you struggle when you were an adolescent? Share your advice and experiences.
Campaigning at a café in New Hampshire on Monday, January 7 Hillary Clinton’s voice cracked when she answered a voter’s question about how she gets through each hectic day. The incident has caused quite the commotion in the media and among voters. Some reporters are calling it Clinton’s “Muskie moment,” referring to former Senator Edmund Muskie whose presidential aspirations withered in 1972 when it was reported that he may have gotten teary-eyed on the campaign trail. The question now is whether or not this episode helped Clinton secure victory in New Hampshire, and whether it will help or hinder her as the campaign continues. Within the iVillage community responses have been heated with little sympathy for Clinton.
Member chellygotabelly isn’t cutting the senator any slack. She wrote, “Come on, girls, who hasn't cried once or twice to get a little sympathy? Oldest trick in the book. Mrs. Clinton, you need to up your game; [you’re] running with the big dogs now.”
Member trishst also believes that Clinton should be tougher, “I don’t need my candidates choked up because their campaign went sour and the pressure is getting to them. If they can’t take the pressure of a campaign, then I don’t want them leading my country.”
Many others agree. Member amyolsen22 added, “She is crying during caucuses?? How on earth will she be able to hold up with real issues in office? This country needs strength, and crying during such an early stage is ridiculous.”
But some members don’t think crying is necessarily a bad thing. Member glitter_girl_5000 feels that “…crying, particularly in public, can actually be a very powerful display of strength. Crying is not a manifestation of weakness; it’s the manifestation of being human.” However, glitter_girl_5000, also wonders if the public is being manipulated by the media, Clinton or both. Consequently, she concludes, “I don't know whether Hillary's tears were genuine or not, but I think it's best to be skeptical when it comes to emotional sound bites and instead stick to the issues.”
Member cl-libraone, who argues that Clinton only choked up and didn’t actually cry, agrees, writing, “It’s silly the media has picked up this item.”
While Member mountainlaurel2005 thinks that “Bush should have choked up more over the deaths of our troops!”
What do you think? After watching the clip, do you think Senator Clinton was genuinely upset? And if so, is that a bad thing? Share your thoughts.
