December 2007 Archives

It's the big question parents face at some point of every child’s life. And it’s at the core of the Great Santa Debate that has the iVillage boards buzzing. Should parents encourage children to believe in Santa? How do you know when it's time to let your children in on the big secret, and how should you do it?

Member twinjunebugs2000 recently shared her dilemma on the Ten-to-Fourteen-Year-Olds board: "[My son had not once] mentioned Santa this year. This has had me very curious about what is going on in his head, so I asked. He's having trouble believing that there really is a Santa. He says he's trying to keep that thought but he's having trouble grasping it (his exact words). I want to tell him so bad. Would I burst his bubble if I told him?"

Other members were also having the same "to tell or not to tell?" and "Santa or no Santa?" dilemmas, and the message boards show passionate and mixed views on the topic. Some members say perpetuating the Santa myth is dishonest, while others believe Santa is a big part of the magic of Christmas.

iVillage member woodbabe decided to tell his son the truth after he started questioning the existence of Santa: “I took him for a walk in the neighborhood so we wouldn't be overheard and I explained how [Santa] used to be a real man who left fruit and nuts in poor children's shoes. I explained how it was such a wonderful concept that others adopted it as a tradition … I then explained to him that now that he's old enough to know the truth, then he's old enough to be trusted to help keep the magic alive for the younger kids!”

Other members, such as mom_jen2003 from the April 2007 Playgroup, also believe in keeping the magic alive: “I see no harm in believing [in Santa]. Childhood is when magic is real. What a marvelous world this would be if we could all just believe in some magic. I just really hate spoilsports … I wasn't hurt by the realization that Santa’s gifts were from my parents. My dad explained that we all can be Santa--by leaving gifts for the toy drive, the nursing home, or homeless shelter, without asking for anything in exchange."

Many pro-Santa iVillagers point out, however, that it's important to let kids know that the jolly guy from the North Pole is not just what Christmas is about. Says member rathgr1th from the July 2008 Expecting Club: “I want my children to believe in magic and wonder for as long as they possibly can …[but] I don't want Santa to be the main focus of Christmas for my kids. I believe in the deeper story of Christmas. I don't plan on spoiling them with a heap of presents--trust me, the grandparents will see to that--but we set out cookies and milk for Santa, and maybe he'll bring them one present each, or fill their stockings--something small and fun."

But instead of downplaying Santa, is it better to just tell the children the truth from the beginning? Member julper thinks so: “I don't remember ever being really delighted about anything that Santa allegedly did, but I do remember being incredibly disillusioned when I found out he isn't real. Why is there this parental conspiracy to lie to children about Santa Claus? Who is it really benefiting? Wouldn't it be better if we were just up front and honest about Santa from the get-go?”

Member tasjay also remembers her disappointment upon learning of the truth about Santa: “ When I found out that Santa was not real, I was devastated. I started doubting EVERYTHING my parents had told me, INCLUDING my belief in JESUS. I was very relieved to hear that Jesus is real... but it was a blow to my trust in my parents' word. It healed later, but I promised myself that I would not do that to my children." She adds another reason to debunk the Santa myth: “We parents work our butts off during the year to ‘spoil’ the kids on Christmas (and an AWESOME spoiling it is) so why tell the kids someone they don't know from Adam brought them any kind of gift, when it was the parents who had to work at it to make it happen?”

Though the Santa debate will likely rage on for many more Christmases, parents all agree that telling the truth about Santa is not an easy task. Says member jaml66: “I was going to flat-out tell my oldest that there is no Santa, but I overheard him and his friends say how they liked the tingly feeling in their stomachs on Christmas Eve...”

iVillager merimom96 shares some thoughtful advice on broaching the subject: "When the child is trying to open up the conversation, the best thing is to be honest ... If it feels weird to do it right before Christmas, then do it in January. I think it helps if all the fun doesn't go away as soon as they know the truth. Create some special privileges for those old enough to be "in the know", [get him] to help fill siblings' stockings. Then share the real history, how generations of people have passed this down as something special for their children, and now he has the special privilege of being able to be a part of 'Santa's crew of helpers'."

Do you encourage your kids to believe in Santa Claus? At what age did you tell your kids the truth abut Santa, and how did you do it? Share your thoughts below.

Holidays are here again. If you need to take a break from the shopping, decorating, partying, and Secret Santa-ing, check out what’s burning up the iVillage message boards. From censored Santas to tinsel tension, iVillagers are buzzing about the holidays’ hot topics.

• The Nicole Kidman-starrer and fantasy epic “The Golden Compass” is one of the most anticipated movies of the holiday season, but it’s already being panned by critics and religious groups for allegedly promoting atheism. Members are debating the criticism at the always-buzzing In The News board. Some think this is just another case of groups reacting with an “unsubstantiated fear of a different belief,” while some are criticizing the film for “undermining Christian beliefs.” Are you taking the kids to see this movie?
• Some Santas in Sydney won’t be in such a jolly mood this year. Apparently, they have been warned to not to use the traditional “ho ho ho” greeting because it may be offensive to women and may frighten children. Many iVillagers, such as member kasiemay, think this is outright ridiculous. “People are now looking for ways to offended,” she says. “[They] need to get a grip and just let some things remain innocent.” What do you think?
• Who else is feeling stressed from all the hectic holiday preparations? On the Heart Health board, member lulaluva78 recently posted about her stressed out mom, and members offered their support. How do you keep sane and relaxed during the holidays?
• Release your inner Grinch and post about the holiday decorations you’re absolutely sick of. Some iVillagers have had enough of icicle lights and “PVC reindeer that look frighteningly skeletal by day and spring to life with the enough twinkle lights to pinpoint the yard on Google maps.” What are your holiday décor pet peeves?
• The Holiday Recipes & Entertaining board is chock-full of yummy ideas for a traditional Christmas breakfast—everything from puffy French toast to scrumptious cinnamon rolls. Get inspired and share your own Christmas morning traditions.
• Holiday shopping getting to you? How much thought and effort do you really put into your holiday gifts? Check out iVillagers’ stress-free gift ideas, and share your own!
• If you think that ugly sweater you got from your aunt last Chrsitmas was a cringe-worthy gift, check out these hilarious stories of “mis-givings” from fellow iVillagers. Teeth mold? Sod for the backyard? What was the worst gift you’ve ever gotten? Share them here.
• ‘Tis the season for toys, and some moms have had enough of them! Over at the Military Families board, the list of most annoying toys ever is growing. What is the most annoying toy your child has ever received?

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