The Part-Time Preference
It's no secret that I love a good study about moms and the way they think, why they do what they do and how they approach parenting and life in general. You know, so then I can measure myself against said study and cross my fingers that it doesn't make me crumple into a ball of inadequacy. You mean I'm the only one who does that? Ah, well ... The latest study conducted by the Pew Research Center reveals that 60% of working moms would prefer working part-time over working full-time or not working at all -- but the Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that only 24% of moms actually work part-time. There are a lot of factors that could contribute to this gap -- financial concerns, lack of part-time opportunities, etc. but the gap that has me more intrigued is the opinion gap between working moms and stay-at-home moms. Check it out:
Meantime, even as mothers have grown less enamored with full-time work, a new division of opinion has opened up between working moms and at-home moms on the question of whether it's good or bad for society that more mothers are working outside the home.
Of course, this has long been a hot debate between moms on iVillage -- but what is the real root of the rift? Is it that we really believe that there is one "right way" to balance the work vs. home situation or is it that we're defensive about our own choices? Maybe because we're not sure about what we're doing either? (I know I'm not -- and I'm ok with admitting that.) Something else in the study that caught my eye:
There are also differences in the way working moms and at-home moms assess the job they're doing as parents. Mothers working full-time give themselves slightly lower ratings as parents, on average, than do at-home mothers or mothers employed part-time.
At the same time, the study notices a trend in more moms not wanting to work altogether:
Nearly half (48%) of all at-home moms now say that not working at all outside the home is the ideal situation for them, up from the 39% who felt that way in 1997.
Of course the part-time preference isn't all it's cracked up to be for some moms. A lot to digest, for sure. What does it all mean? Are these trends just natural cycles in society or are moms changing their outlook along with a rapidly changing world. Moms in our communities share their thoughts...
On the Stay at Home vs. Work Debate message board sabinamarianne says, "I got my excellent PT job by working it FT for many years and then asking for PT when I adopted my second baby. With PT, there's not much of a problem balancing work, family, and everything else because there's enough time for everything."
From mjt2007 on the Work-at-Home Moms message board "I would consider a lower salary, no benefits (don't need them) in order to arrange a position where I could wah (work at home) some of the time"
On the Working Moms message board mom-mai24 probably speaks for many moms when she says, "If I could afford to, I would; but my full-time salary is keeping my family afloat! My DH couldn't afford to go part-time either. We both have to work full-time to keep a home and our tummies full. Electricity is nice, too!"
What do you think? Are you working full time or staying at home and would prefer a part-time work situation? Why or why not? If you're a mom working part-time, how's that going for you? And finally -- what do you see as the underlying issue causing a widening gap between the opinions of working and stay-at-home moms?
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I'd love to apply for funding for a study to determine whether parenting analysis studies do more harm than good. Whenever there's a "definitive" study done, it seems to polarize the discussion and make people rush to defend their position and why it's "right". Too bad we can't just let it lie and publish a final study that states "moms who are involved in their children's lives, make the best decisions they can for their families and themselves and who demonstrate their love for their children in ways that make the children feel loved, protected and encouraged to do their best to succeed in life -- those are the best parents, no matter what other circumstances are involved."
I was a SAHM and now am a WAHM and for me, being at home is the key to my sanity and my family's happiness, so it's easy to understand how women would prefer a part-time situation, or any situation, really, that would allow them more time with their families.
As moms, we always feel we're not spending enough time with our kids, and feel tremendous guilt because of that. So, when we work outside the home, that guilt is often compounded and becomes a mantra of "I'm not THERE enough", even if in reality we're doing a fabulous job of parenting.
I think what drives the ferocity of the debate between SAHMs and working moms is that we all are insecure and feel judged on a daily basis, so we lash out harder to defend our position.
But Suz -- then all we'd have left to talk about would be Tom Cruise and kids on planes!
I'm a firm believer that women should be allowed to do what they want to do and I have to agree with Suz that all these studies area a little over the top. One of my other favorite sayings: "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
I have my perfect job and I hope everybody finds theirs some day!
LOL, Caryn! Don't forget Britney, Lindsay, and Paris! ;)
Amen to that, Suz.
I think it forms another group that isn't accepted by either working moms (they don't do as much as ME so they don't know MY life) or stay at home moms (they leave their children!). As a wahm, I found out quickly that I don't fit into either group very well. Would I ever want to go part time? I'm not sure. If the pay was the same as full time, sure!
I worked FT with my first son and when my second son came, I made a decision to go PT. It was a hard decision especially with the money but after proving myself with my new company I am now making more money than working FT. I think it ended up being the perfect balance between work and family for me. I find myself being more focus at work since now I had two extra days with my kids.
I think anything that shows the division between moms instead of the commonalities (e.g. we all want the best for our kids) is bad news. Stop wasting time on studies and spend it on finding ways to unite the two groups. But then people would be stuck with celeb gossip instead of talking about their friends behind their backs.
I would love to work part-time if the opportunity came up. I even asked my manager about it when my first son was born but it just isn't possible in my current position. But I think part-time seems like the perfect balance. I myself could never SAH full-time. I would go crazy with too much time with the kids. But working full-time like I currently do, I feel like I don't have enough time with the kids. So part time is the perfect solution. Now I just need the opportunity.
There's no easy solution to the debate- I think everyone needs to make a decision that suits them and their lifestyle the best. I work part-time and love it, but I'm lucky and have a lot of support to make it happen.
I would just like to share my view - I've been working full time since having my 1st daughter who is now turning 3. I was able to work a bit of my full time hours from home as well. However, I really found the insane schedule, juggling act, worrying and guilty feeling of daycare situations just really sucked it out of me! I felt like a stressed out, unhappy person - even though we had this beautiful angel in our lives. Now, I'm pregnant with my 2nd lil girl, and due in a few months. During this pregnancy we made some serious budget adjustments, cut back on items, and traded in a vehicle for a lower payment and gas costs. This has now enabled me to cut my hours back to part time and totally from home! The opportunity is a unique one, which I feel very grateful for, but more than that - I'm ECSTATIC to be able to enjoy my children more, have a bit more time to myself and be able to stay on top of our(or attempt)household, as well as keep my foot in the door at a Company I've put quite a bit of time into.
Hi! Your web site is helpful. Many thanks. Best regards!
As the primary bread winner whose company provides excellent insurance, I feel that i don't have a choice. I don't want to work this much, but financially, we don't have a choice.
I stayed at home for years after both my children. I loved it and hated it. I was there when they needed me. My youngest will start kindergarten this year and now I am employed full time. It gets tiring only communicating with children all day. My work is my relief, I get a chance to communicate with everyone in our office when my children will be going to school and then come home to be with them when they are home. I like working and I love my children. I was home when they were now I am not home when they are not home.
I think most people would prefer to work part-time, whether they are parents or not. I'd love to see a study that didn't focus just on moms.
I agree with Amy! I had a summer job in college that was 30 hrs a week. Part of the summer I was taking a class and the rest of the summer, I had 30 hrs of work (decent income) and a lot of free time. That was my favorite summer!!!
Now ... 15 years later, I'm "almost" there again. After maternity leave (from a company where I have worked very hard for 12 years), I came back to work 4 days a week and have one extra day home with my 9 month old son. Not every job allows for that, but this situation works for us right now.
I have been working part time for 7 years. I went part time when my second child was born.
I now have five children.
I think that I have the perfect balance.
I get away from the house and kids for a break that allows us more income.
Also, my husband and I have it worked out so that we do not need daycare.
Not to mention the fact that I am afraid to stay at home and be absent from the work force for too long. I think that it would be too hard to break back into it.
Moms,If you are financially comfortable. And you donât need money do you still work?
I work part time over night which means im still home all day long with the baby therefore even though i work part time at night it makes me feel like a SAHM. I love the flexiblity of working part time you get to get out of the house if not able during the day and i wouldnt leave my benefits thats the only reason I work besides I pay for the groceries in the house and main neccesites so it makes me feel like i help out in some way besides around the house even though its a lot. My job pay my whole familes insurance and I get 3 pd weeks of vacation a year after only being there a year.
Hey - don't forget about alternative options, like taking your baby to work - http://www.babiesatwork.org/index.html
I feel fortunate that I am able to work next scool year as a PT teacer now that I am a mom. I will be able to get out of the house & maintain my career, but spend the majority of my time with my newbrn son. However, I have found that quality childcare has been nearly impossible to find.Every daycare center in my area, and many centers are unwilling to offer half-day care (despite advertising pt care). The best they offer is that I pay the full-time fee & I "can always go run erands & stuff after work." Why would I work part time to not be with my child when not working? Not to mention that I cannot afford the full-time rates with a part-time slary!
I am a physician who has managed to work out the ideal situation of 4 days/week. I do not work for the money, but because I love what I do and because I want to prove to my daughter that yes, she can do it all. There are some careers where you can take a break and return, but I do not view medicine to be one of those.
I work as a PT teacher (half-days, 5 days a week), and I love it. I was lucky enough to obtain this position and am very thankful for the opportunity. I had to work full-time until my first son was 3. I started PT after the birth of my second son
(now 2), and am now almost ready to deliver my third (a girl). I am planning on returning to full-time when my youngest is finally in school. I enjoy teaching and have worked hard at my career and Masters degree. Raising children is indeed full-time work in itself, and I truly feel that working outside the home is MUCH easier than being at home full-time. Kudos to all the SAH Moms that can do it! In my heart of hearts, I know that I personally am a better mom because I work PT outside the home. It allows me "space", and gives me the chance to use my brain in other ways. Part-time for me is the perfect balance.
Some great comments! I have a 4yo daughter and love her to bits, but couldn't possibly be a sane SAHM. I was able to bring her to my office when she was a baby, which saved us a bundle on infant day care ($$!). Then I went PT (10 hrs/wk at office, 10 hrs/wk at home) and DH stayed home with her while I was at the office. It was great at the time but money was awfully tight when I wasn't FT, so now I am again. When she starts kindergarten, I'm hoping to work out a flexible schedule so I can be home by 3:00 or so.
I agree with those who wonder if these studies don't cause polarity and increase insecurities, and also with the lady who said she'd like to see the studies not just focus on moms. Almost no one ever wonders if a father feels guilty about working FT. It's always about women and our guilt (perceived or actual), economic dependence, whether or not we can be good parents and hold paying jobs too, etc. Yet I am sure that many men also feel an interest in achieving work-life balance!
Good luck!
Our kids will only be young once. So part time work and full time parenting makes a lot of sense.