July 2007 Archives
It's been said that on the internet, nobody knows you're a dog, but this little joke may hit a little too close to home for those taking a stab at Online Dating and looking for a little truth in advertising, so to speak. iVillager ciecherella asks, "Honestly, is it too much to ask that a guy posts at least one accurate photo of himself?" Apparently it is, ciecherella, because you're not alone in this lament. With outdated pictures, you may fall for the tall, dark and handsome ... of ten years ago. And then there are those who don't bother to put up a photo at all. What's a girl to do? Have you experienced the online dating photo bait and switch? And how do you hide your surprise (or disappointment) when you finally meet your date? Or maybe you've succumbed to the temptation of using an old photo you love ... or a little photoshop magic? Go on, you can tell me ... it'll just be between us.
It's Monday and we're full of questions in the iVillage community ...
-- Why not kick the week off with a real softball question? (That one doesn't count.) What stimulates you to get out of bed in the morning and put one foot in front of the other? (from the Stay at Home vs. Work message board)
-- I spent my weekend cleaning out my closets ... sadly I didn't unearth any treasures. But it did give me a great chance to do some research for this ongoing discussion on the What Should I Wear? message board that asks: "What's the most expensive item of clothing in your closet?"
-- Some folks on the Harry Potter Fans message board are having a hard time imagining life without Harry after finishing the final installment of this series. One member writes "I'm going through some SERIOUS HP withdrawal!!!! I had even started dreaming about the books ... now what am I supposed to do?" I'm not a Harry Potter follower, but I usually find that a liberal amount of Ben & Jerry's helps in situations like these.
-- Maybe I've been watching too many of those house-flipping shows, but this conversation about home construction projects from hell on the Time Out for Me message board totally caught my eye. Doesn't the phrase "home construction project" loosely translate into "crazy times ahead"?
What questions are on your mind this week? Or maybe you've got all the answers? (If so, please let us in on your secret!)
It's no secret that I love a good study about moms and the way they think, why they do what they do and how they approach parenting and life in general. You know, so then I can measure myself against said study and cross my fingers that it doesn't make me crumple into a ball of inadequacy. You mean I'm the only one who does that? Ah, well ... The latest study conducted by the Pew Research Center reveals that 60% of working moms would prefer working part-time over working full-time or not working at all -- but the Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that only 24% of moms actually work part-time. There are a lot of factors that could contribute to this gap -- financial concerns, lack of part-time opportunities, etc. but the gap that has me more intrigued is the opinion gap between working moms and stay-at-home moms. Check it out:
Meantime, even as mothers have grown less enamored with full-time work, a new division of opinion has opened up between working moms and at-home moms on the question of whether it's good or bad for society that more mothers are working outside the home.
Of course, this has long been a hot debate between moms on iVillage -- but what is the real root of the rift? Is it that we really believe that there is one "right way" to balance the work vs. home situation or is it that we're defensive about our own choices? Maybe because we're not sure about what we're doing either? (I know I'm not -- and I'm ok with admitting that.) Something else in the study that caught my eye:
There are also differences in the way working moms and at-home moms assess the job they're doing as parents. Mothers working full-time give themselves slightly lower ratings as parents, on average, than do at-home mothers or mothers employed part-time.
At the same time, the study notices a trend in more moms not wanting to work altogether:
Nearly half (48%) of all at-home moms now say that not working at all outside the home is the ideal situation for them, up from the 39% who felt that way in 1997.
Of course the part-time preference isn't all it's cracked up to be for some moms. A lot to digest, for sure. What does it all mean? Are these trends just natural cycles in society or are moms changing their outlook along with a rapidly changing world. Moms in our communities share their thoughts...
On the Stay at Home vs. Work Debate message board sabinamarianne says, "I got my excellent PT job by working it FT for many years and then asking for PT when I adopted my second baby. With PT, there's not much of a problem balancing work, family, and everything else because there's enough time for everything."
From mjt2007 on the Work-at-Home Moms message board "I would consider a lower salary, no benefits (don't need them) in order to arrange a position where I could wah (work at home) some of the time"
On the Working Moms message board mom-mai24 probably speaks for many moms when she says, "If I could afford to, I would; but my full-time salary is keeping my family afloat! My DH couldn't afford to go part-time either. We both have to work full-time to keep a home and our tummies full. Electricity is nice, too!"
What do you think? Are you working full time or staying at home and would prefer a part-time work situation? Why or why not? If you're a mom working part-time, how's that going for you? And finally -- what do you see as the underlying issue causing a widening gap between the opinions of working and stay-at-home moms?
As someone who hates to fly, I don't have any trouble imagining how being stuck on a plane could cause sheer madness, foul attitudes and general insanity. That said, I can't really figure out why there seems to be a preponderance of stories lately about kerfuffles on planes that involve parents and small children. Remember this? Or this? Or even this? Are kids running amok the latest and greatest growing security threat? Are these stories common or are we just hearing more about them because they strike a chord? Or have travelers and airline workers just become less tolerant?
The latest is the story of an Atlanta mom who was removed from a Continental Airlines flight (along with her 19-month-old son) because she couldn't quiet her child and refused to use medication to lull him, as suggested by a flight attendant. You might think that since we're seeing these incidents pop up about every other week, our communities would be so over it. You'd, of course, be totally wrong. iVillage women are reacting to this story all over our boards and sharing their own in-flight stories. Here's a sampling of what they have to say:
-- from the May 2005 Playgroup:
"I always read about these stories yet I have been on planes with unruly and loud kids and they have never kicked the kids off. Just recently on a flight from Vegas to Houston there were a group of people traveling together and they had 3 kids who were so out of control - I wanted to boot them off the plane."
-- on the March 2002 Playgroup:
"This seems so wrong that I'm wondering if the whole story has been told. I would LOVE to hear the story from the other passengers. IF the mother threatened the stewardess (anything stronger than "no, you shut up") then I could see them being kicked off the plane."
-- on the Woman to Woman message board:
"I have a 19 month old son and very likely he would tell the plane bye-bye too!! He tells everything bye-bye!! I can't believe somebody would take any offense at my sweet little boy saying something like that! I'll tell you what, that flight attendant would be having quite the lawsuit on her hands. I can't stand people that think children should be seen and not heard."
-- from the February 2007 Playgroup:
"I think sometimes ADULTS can be WAY MORE irritating than a cute little baby exploring with some first words."
-- from the August 2005 Playgroup
"I think all of these women who are getting in "trouble" for having loud toddlers/babies and breastfeeding is a direct result of the 9-11 attacks and the pilots and employees have let that power bestowed on them (after 9-11) go to their heads."
-- from the December 2005 Playgroup
"You are not guaranteed a silent flight when you buy an airline ticket. Adults talk, and I've never seen anyone suggest they be medicated. I think this was a mean-spirited act of someone who clearly dislikes children. I think the flight attendant should find another line of work."
-- and on Current Debates:
"I have to think there is *more* to this story that a child saying "bye bye plane" over and over again to warrant the plane turning around and their removal from the flight.""While I don't think the parent should let a kid scream at the top of it's lungs for the entire trip without trying to shush it, I do think that when there are small kids on flights (especially the long ones) there is going to be some fussing. Some kids are better than others though. It's easy to say 'don't bring a small child on the plane to start with' but sometimes there isn't any other option."
So what's your take? What's to blame for the frequency of child-related airline incidents lately? Jittery airlines? Miserable travel conditions? Venus in retrograde? Give me your thoughts on this latest story and share your own tales of aviation woe. Go on... you know you want to.
I'm back ... from outer space -- no, wait -- that was vacation! Either way, re-entry after a week off is pretty rough. Luckily all my favorite message boards just kept buzzing along so catching up on the hot discussions in our community was a snap. Here are just a few of the topics that kept you talking while I was away:
-- They've announced the winners of the "New 7 Wonders of the World" vote -- did your favorites make the cut? Some on the In the News message board are pondering other wonders. Me, I'm just wondering how Pringles didn't end up on the list!
-- Also on In the News: Men talk just as much as women and the never-ending fascination with John Edwards' hair
-- Would you get a chip implanted under your skin that contains your medical records and emergency info? Yeah, me either.
-- Worst gifts ever? While in-laws don't have a total monopoly on the business of giving bad gifts, they are often a source of puzzling and downright offensive presents. This thread on the Dealing with In-Laws message board never fails to shock and amuse me. My favorite quote so far? "One year for my birthday, my MIL gave me a disposable cigarette lighter. I believe there was a lot of thought and love in that gift, HA!" Ouch.
-- Hot enough for ya? Tired of people asking you that? Commiserate with others on the Time Out for Me message board and then get some tips for staying cool and avoiding the risks of extreme heat as summer blazes on.
Jump in and share your take on any or all of these topics -- or offer up the sound bites that are grabbing your attention!
