June 2007 Archives

Summertime... and the buzzin's easy! Here's a quick sampling of conversations happening in the iVillage community this week:

-- A four-year-old throws a tantrum because his apple juice isn't being served fast enough. Sounds a lot like some four-year-olds I know. Only they're not on an airplane that then has to make an "emergency landing" because of the incident. I've heard of "little terrors", but isn't this getting a bit ridiculous? The folks on the Childfree by Choice message board are all over this one.

-- Memphis mom Cherie Wilkins got fed up with her 13-year-old daughter's attitude and forced her to stand by the street wearing a sign that read, "I don't obey my parents, I'm a liar. I steal from my mom. I have a bad attitude." Moms everywhere are now rushing out for posterboard and Sharpies. For more reaction on this story, check out the Current Debates and iVillage Connect.

-- The much-debated immigration bill was defeated on Thursday. If passed, the bill would have offered amnesty to millions of illegal immigrants in the United States. This leaves some on the Politics Today message board wondering if the President will use other tactics to see it through.

-- And I bet you thought fashion pet peeves were mainly a "girl thing" ... this guy on the Battle of the Sexes message board is sick and tired of pastel, candy-colored shiny ties! He says, "they look like a bunch of Skittles." Indeed. I do have to wonder, though, if he is referring to the original Skittles or the new wacky tropical, carnival, ice cream versions that are floating around out there? What do you think? Do people even pay attention to ties?

-- Finally, today is iDay... yes, the much-anticipated iPhone is sending folks into a frenzy just about everywhere you turn. Are you succumbing to the hype or are you still trying to give up your rotary phone? The November 2006 moms are mulling it over here and CMErin wants to know if you're going to shell out the dough for the latest Apple must-have.

That's it for this week, but check back for more hot conversations, wild quotes and the topics on everyone's minds. Is there a news item that caught your eye? Maybe a conversation or quote that caused you to do a double-take on your favorite message boards? Or would you like to share what topics your friends and family just can't seem to stop talking about? Create your own buzz with us on our Beehive group in iVillage Connect.

We've talked about wacky names before, but this latest story may top the list of all-time strange names. A couple in New Zealand was recently blocked from naming their new son ... wait for it ... "4real". Yes, 4real, for real. Officials are still in negotiations about the name, but say that names beginning with a number are not allowed. Of course, this case has sparked a lot of reaction on both of our Baby Names message boards, as well as in our playgroups and expecting clubs. Here's what some moms are saying about "4real" and unusual names in general:

From the November 2007 expecting club:

"... why don't some parents spend at least 10 seconds thinking about the impact their self-centered naming choice will have on their child someday? How little did a parent care about their child if they might name them Satan or Adolph Hitler? I'm dumbfounded!"

More opinions from the March 2007 playgroup:

"I DO NOT agree with the government preventing the parents from naming their child whatever they want to. It's really none of their concern."

"I grew up in communism, where parents had to either go with a name that was in the calendar (every day in the calendar has a designated name) or had to ask the appropriate government department for a permission. You can imagine it was pretty boring over there name-wise."

"Who knows, though . . . maybe this is the next trend for the future? Far be it from me to pooh pooh progress! I could very well have a great grandchild named G8r^zzle2f, or something like that. Personally . . . I'd like to hold that off as long as possible."

What do you think of incorporating numbers into names? Is this a unique choice for a child's moniker or an unnecessary burden? Should parents be able to name their kids whatever crazy combo of characters they choose or should there be some limits? Sound off with your opinion on this topic -- and share some of the wild names you've seen over the years!

As if we needed something else to fuel sibling rivalry, a recent study reports that firstborn children tend to score higher on I.Q. tests than their younger siblings. Norwegian researchers studied the stats of 241,310 18- and 19-year-old men to reach their conclusions, while scientists point out that the results are likely to repeat in females, as gender doesn't usually affect I.Q. scores. The moms of the May 2004 playgroup are discussing the study and adding their comments:

"The conclusion is that the boy raised as the eldest ends up smarter than the boy raised as the middle or youngest. It doesn't guarantee any of them are smart."

"I just find the IQ stuff so ridiculous as a measure of intelligence ... Basically the biggest factor in whether kids do well in school is parental involvement, period."

There are many studies about how birth order affects personality, relationships and intelligence -- what's your theory? Are these differences the result of common family dynamics or something else? If you're a parent, do you see this trend playing out in your children? Whether you're an eldest, youngest or somewhere in between, jump in and share your thoughts on these findings.

Come now, who doesn't love a good debate about the latest ban? We've buzzed about abortion bans, smoking bans, bans on trans fat and gun control (which is sort of close to ban ... work with me here). Then there are the more creative bans like a recently suggested Lawrence, KS cell phone ban and even a proposed ban on microwave popcorn in Seattle's City Hall. Seriously -- have you ever worked in a place where people continuously burn microwave popcorn? You'd be campaigning for mandatory prison sentences, too. My recent favorite, though, is this anti-sag ordinance that passed unanimously in a Louisiana town last week. An anti-sag ordinance? Don't worry, your less-than-toned body isn't on trial here -- but your pants may well be! You may be facing a stiff fine if you're walking around in overly saggy pants and showing your drawers (or more!) in public in Delcambre, Louisiana. The new law will apply equally to men and women, the town officials say. Hmmm ... so if you're one of those people we discussed recently, you may want to reschedule that summer vacation to Louisiana. My favorite quote from this news story:

Mayor Broussard's public advice for people who like their pants to hang low: "Just wear it properly. Cover your vital parts. I mean, if you expose your private parts, you'll get a fine. If you walk up and your pants drop, you get a fine. They're better off taking the pants off and just wearing a dress."

What do you think? Have saggy, baggy pants overstayed their welcome? Anything else you'd like to see banned? What about loud car stereos? Nosey neighbors? Sippy cups? A ban on bans? For more on the anti-sag story and some public reaction, check out our latest Street Talk video and our "How Low Can You Go?" slideshow.

Two sippy cup-related news items in one week? Is this a sippy cup conspiracy or perhaps the work of a sippy cup buzz agent gone awry?

Sippy Cups on a Plane! First it was snakes, then TB; now ... everyone's favorite toddler accessory is inciting terror and outrage at a security checkpoint near you! After a former Secret Service agent (yes, seriously) was allegedly mistreated during a security screening at Washington, DC's Reagan National Airport, a blogger (eek -- not a blogger!) got wind of the incident and started spreading the news. Monica Emmerson was stopped as she entered a security screening area to be questioned about the liquid in her toddler son's sippy cup. From there, she claims she was unnecessarily harassed by the security officers and because she was frazzled due to traveling with a young child, she accidentally spilled the cup's contents on the floor. Which didn't really impress the already jittery-about-liquids security staff. Only there seems to be a huge discrepancy between Emmerson's account of the event and the TSA's -- surprise, surprise! The TSA's version of the story alleges that Emmerson dumped, not spilled, the water onto the floor in frustration and then proceeded to hassle the agents about the policy and flash her "credentials", causing a scene. The best part? The TSA has posted the related security video and incident report on their site, in the "Mythbusters" section. Uh oh ... I have a feeling we haven't heard the last of this one, now that I see that Ms. Emmerson is posing with the sippy cup in question in televised interviews. But what do iVillage moms, no strangers to sippy cups, think about this? There's a bit of a backlash, but not in the way you might think:

One mom's take on the December 2006 playgroup:

"It's against policy and she shouldn't have tried to go against it. Give the kid some water, drink/dump the rest and THEN go to security and afterwards she could have bought more. The kid would have been w/o water for 5min. There's no reason for her to have made such a big deal about it, seriously the video is over 10 min long!!"

Some reaction from the October 2006 playgroup:

"I watched to video, too, where she is outraged and asks "A mother and her toddler, are we a threat?" Um, yes, you are!! If we let you go, then how great is it for terrorists to pose as mothers with toddlers. I think she was being a jerk!!"

... and more from the September 2007 Expecting Club:

"I think it's just silly. I mean who is going to put explosives or poisons in a sippy cup? I think they are getting out of hand with airport security."

"It looks to me like the mom is the one who went bananas. What I saw looked like her dumping the sippy cup on the floor, shaking it out. Granted, it can be frustrating to feel like you're being accused of being a terrorist, but you know what? Better safe than sorry."

"I definitely think the US is getting out of control with fear and paranoia, especially in the airports, but in this case it certainly looks like mom was being obnoxious about the whole thing."

It's definitely no picnic traveling with a toddler or trying to expertly navigate your way through security and it's always frustrating to be asked to step aside, to be searched or to be questioned (and yes -- it's happened to me!). In most cases, though, I think that there are things we can do to make this go more smoothly ... and then things we can do to make them worse. Unfortunately I think many times we tend to opt for the latter, as our nerves and annoyance get the best of us. What do you think? Was this mom out of control or should the security officers have handled this differently?

Do you find that instead of sitting down to a family meal where everyone cordially recounts the adventures of their day and always says "please" and "thank you" when passing the salt, you're grabbing a snack on the way out the door to the next soccer practice/school function/therapy session -- and choking down a healthy serving of guilt? Apparently you're not alone. Ok, we all know sitting down with the whole family can be a great way to connect -- studies have shown that kids who sit down to frequent family meals are less likely to be at risk for drug use or depression. Even so, getting your family around the same table at the same time is a lot easier said than done.

Are family dinners worth the hassle? Discuss.

What do you think -- is family mealtime an indicator of your family's cohesiveness? Or is sitting down at the dinner table a tradition that's gone the way of the 8-track tape? Let me know what you think and then head over to the Guilt Graveyard to bury your mom guilt for good.

Will using more precise terms to describe a kid's weight issue help docs address the growing problem of childhood obesity? That's the latest recommendation by a panel backed by the American Medical Association. By using the more medically correct term of "obese" when talking to families about this serious health issue, the medical community hopes to get their point across that being overweight is a serious health issue for children of any age. While the announcement admits that seemingly blunt terms may not be right to use in all situations and directly to the child, it does seem that trying to issue warm fuzzies when addressing weight issues isn't always the right approach. What do you think -- is this just calling it like it is and much ado about nothing or is it insensitive to a probably already embarrassed child? For more on this story and related iVillage resources, be sure to check out our featured news page and our new hot topic message board Weight Discrimination.

In related news, Kellogg announced they would be increasing the nutritional value of their popular cereals and snacks -- or stop marketing them to children. (Cereal just can't catch a break lately, it seems!) This comes after pressure from consumer and health advocacy groups ... and rumblings of a lawsuit, of course. The main concern is, again, childhood obesity, but is this marketing really the root of the problem? Most kids I know aren't out buying their own Pop-Tarts. Moms from the October 2006 Playgroup share their thoughts:

"We had ads for junk cereal when I was a kid 25-30 yrs ago. My mom didn't buy the cereal. We also went outside and rode bikes, swam at the pool or in the lake, played 4 square, basketball, tag, & a million other games. We didn't have air conditioning or video games. We weren't allowed to sit on the couch all day! I think all the efforts that are focused on children are a great idea, but pretty useless since they aren't (or at least shouldn't be) the ones making the decisions in their house!"

"While I do definitely think that it's the parents who need the most work when it comes to having healthy kids, the lack of advertising is at least a step in the right direction. It certainly couldn't hurt to stop it."

What do you think? Are you seeing evidence of the childhood obesity problem in your community? What are you doing to avoid it? Are food manufacturers and marketing to blame -- or is this solely a parenting issue?

Here's what's been buzzing around the iVillage community over the past few days:

-- Ok, the 2008 elections may seem like a long way off, but that's not slowing down the prospective candidates as they stump, debate and fundraise their way into next year. Of course that doesn't stop the speculation and volatile opinions of the voters either, especially when it comes to Hillary Clinton. Would you vote for Hillary? Is she electable and does the fact that she's a woman have anything to do with your opinion? [from the Feminism Today message board]

-- Ahhh, the sounds of summer ... but sonny321 isn't soothed by the tones of the Good Humor truck, declaring, "I hate the ice cream man." Yikes. She explains her rage: "My boys are under the misguided impression that I ought to give them money every day to buy treats from the ice cream man." Any ideas for putting the kibosh on the summer treat squeeze? [from the Primal Scream message board]

-- Recognize yourself? One mom writes, "Do other women feel like me? I'm so overwhelmed at the moment with my "to do" list that I find myself shutting down and getting so irritable." I'd say that's me pretty much everyday, so you're not alone -- who's with me? [from the March 2005 Playgroup]

-- eHarmony, the popular online dating site, is being sued for discriminating against gays. Is not offering a "women seeking women" option discrimination? Does the class-action lawsuit stand a chance against founder Neil Clark Warren and his Natalie Cole background music? There's a huge clash of opinions on this story coming from all sides. [from the Hot Debates message board]

-- Do you find you have a hard time letting let go? You're not the only one -- take this dilemma, for example: "My 23 year old boyfriend sleeps with a three foot long stuffed moose." You know, I'm having trouble pinpointing the best part of this statement. Is it that the guy is 23? That he's sleeping with a stuffed moose? Or that it's a three foot long stuffed moose? Is now the wrong time to admit I'm very attached to my Care Bear? [from the Ask the Dating Doyenne message board]

Have some buzz to share? A hot topic you can't get enough of? A great quote from your favorite message board? Share it here in the comments or join the Beehive group to keep the buzz going.

Go directly to Jail ... Do Not Pass Go ... Do Not Collect $200.

Perhaps a classic game of Monopoly is the root of our fascination with people going to and getting out of jail? Or maybe it's just that rubbernecking is a national pastime? Whatever the case, there are a lot of iVillage communities buzzing about famous faces in correctional places. So I bring you Jail Watch 2007!

It's no surprise that everyone's talking about Paris Hilton's sentence, her report to jail and now (!!) her apparent release after only three days. Say what? Well CNN is reporting that TMZ is reporting this and like my buddy Tam says, "If you can't believe TMZ, who can you believe any more?"

While most are disgusted by the celeb get-out-of-jail-free cards, this mom has a different take and tells why she sort of envies Paris:

"Not because she's rich, not because people think she's beautiful. I envy her because for 23 days she gets to be ALONE, in the QUIET, with NOTHING to do and nobody to talk to, and nobody talking to her, and no responsibilities! They say how sad it is that she only gets an hour to take a shower or watch TV and I think "An hour to take a shower??? AWESOME!!!" "

Well, she does have a point there.

Still on the celebrity front, some are also wondering why DUI Diva Lindsay Lohan isn't in jail and not just hanging out in rehab.

On the other end of the age spectrum, "Dr. Death" Jack Kevorkian left prison last week after serving 8 years for his involvement in a reported 130 "assisted suicides". They're debating the whole gamut of Kevorkian-related topics on the Hot Debates message board, from the ethics of assisted suicide to whether Kevorkian should pay for his own incarceration. Here's a sentiment from the In the News board that seems to come up again and again in these conversations:

"Dr. K helped people who were suffering from living an unbearable life. I had hoped that the exposure of medically assisted suicide would have grown since his arrest and that option would have become available for terminally ill patients."

More reaction from the March 2005 playgroup:

"Why is it that we will put down our pets (dogs and cats) when they are suffering/dying/in pain, but when it comes to family members we don't give them the same respect."

"From what I understand, not all of Kevorkian's patients were terminally ill. Many people had him assist in their suicide, who did NOT have a terminal illness. So... What about sanctioning assisted suicide for those who want to die - -without a terminial illness?"

This is one debate that is going to be around for a very long time, I think.

And finally, former top White House aide Scooter Libby was sentenced to 30 months in prison for perjury and obstruction of justice in the Plame case. Though now there's talk swirling of a possible pardon, the Politics Today board is holding a party for Happy "Scooter to the Slammer" Day! Truly a festive occasion that only the Politics Today crowd could come up with.

Have I missed anyone on the incarceration roster? What are your thoughts about these stories -- and why do we care? Check in here with your take and make it quick, my visiting hours are almost over!

Psst ... your thong is showing.

Yes, you. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about, either. And you, miss "ultra-low rise jeans", please don't bend over to pick up your pen next time. We're begging you.

Let the battle of opinions rage on about immigration, global warming and the newest crop of presidential candidates. I think we have an issue we can all agree to rally, er, behind. Current Debates community leader cl-tashlb isn't afraid to tackle the real issues of society. She starts off a discussion that has my new all-time favorite subject line: Peek-A-Boo Crack & Thong

"I take DD to gymnastics, the park, etc. and I am getting tired of looking at not only teenagers but also Moms who display their thongs above the pant line and show a little butt-crack."

It doesn't take long for the pent-up public outcry to ensue:

"Showing off your g-string and crack means you need to put on more clothing. 'Hip huggers' may be fashionable but I have to wonder if these girls/women ever notice that they're showing off half their behind when they bend over."

"I went out with a bunch of co-workers a couple of years ago. One girl had her thong about 3 inches above her pants. I told her that I could see her thong and she said "I know ... I like to show it off". She then pulled it up even higher. "

Heaven help us.

Is the peek-a-boo thong epidemic only going to get worse? Will we soon be seeing thongs peeking out of power suits in the boardroom? Is crack the new black? Share your observations and predictions for this fashion trend run amok.

While I couldn't pass up a chance to reference Madonna, I also couldn't help but do a double take when I saw this discussion about hymenoplasty on our message boards. What's hymenoplasty, you ask? Well ... simply put it's a surgical procedure that restores the hymen to give a woman the illusion of virginity. No, I'm not kidding. Really. Before you all jump on the "That's CRAZY!" boat, I should also point out that this procedure is often done for women in cultures where the stigma of not being a virgin when married can lead to very dire consequences. It seems that some docs in France are now calling for an end to this practice, as they say it "denigrates women and gives in to Muslim fundamentalism." So beyond a medical procedure, this quickly becomes a tangled mess of policy, society and religion. The take from the Current Debates message board:

"Makes me think of the saying, two wrongs don't make a right. In this case... the family/societal need for virginal women and the shame induced surgery."

"Once you have done the deed once you aren't a virgin anymore. there is no going back."

"...if women have the right to have other forms of plastic surgery, they should have the right to this one. I find it a little scary that the medical community can dictate what medical procedures women can access on the basis of their social opinions."

"It doesn't make you a virgin again, it gives the illusion of virginity. That women feel they have to do that at least borders on tragic, but given that there are still cultures that practice honor killings, I wouldn't dare deny it to someone."

Does this come down to the question of what's worse -- having the surgery or feeling like you have to in the first place? Or is this issue now more about the dictation of medical policy? Let me know what you think and never let it be said that we don't truly cover it all.