May 2007 Archives

As most of us are recovering from a 3-day weekend, there are a lot of hot topics in the iVillage community to catch up on. From a flagging libido to tainted toothpaste, here are just a few hot topics from our message boards, groups and blogs:

-- The thrill is gone? Women are discussing what happens to romance after several years of marriage on the Hot Topic: Married without Romance message board. One iVillager laments: "After 10 years together (the last several married), I can honestly say that my husband is attractive, has never looked better, yet I am not sexually attracted to him." Is this just the way it goes or is there something else going on? Should you settle for a marriage without romance or passion?

-- More tainted products traced to China ... first it was pet food and now the focus is on toothpaste. How safe are the things we buy? On the In the News message board, it seems like there may be a conspiracy brewing.

-- Want to get involved and make a difference -- either in your community or globally -- but aren't sure where to start? Dollar Philanthropy and iVillage Cares are two great resources to get you motivated. Commit to a cause and then check out some of the great charities that are changing lives in real and lasting ways.

-- And you thought your mom always seemed old ... what about parents having kids later in life? It maybe a natural progression of our increasingly more youthful society, but what about moms having babies at age 60? They've been discussing this on the 20-Something Hangout message board. One iVillager's take: "...when it comes to someone 60+ actually choosing to have their own child, it is entirely their own choice and in my opinion, a very selfish choice."

-- Cindy Sheehan, mother of a soldier killed in Iraq and vocal anti-war protester, has decided to step out of the public eye as the face of the American anti-war movement. Comments from all sides are quickly coming in on the Politics Today message board.

Got a hot topic you're itching to discuss? Catch a great conversation or quote happening on your favorite message board? Keep the Beehive buzzing on the Beehive: Buzz of the Day group to post your favorite discussions, share your latest blog entry or give us the inside scoop on what everyone you know is talking about today.

Is there anyone who really loves getting her period? I mean, I don't know any women who jump up and down with joy, yelling "Menstruation is AWESOME!" Well, unless you had a little pregnancy scare, but that's another post for another day. All in all, while the miracle of life is great and being a woman is totally fantastic, sometimes I think we'd all like to tell PMS, cramps, tampons, heavy bleeding and bloating to take a hike. Well -- now you have one more option for possibly doing just that. This week the FDA approved the birth control pill Lybrel for continuous use, the first time a birth control pill has been given the all clear for indefinite daily dosage. You can find a little bit more about the back story here on iVillage Total Health, but there's a clear divide between those who would jump at the chance of bidding periods adieu and those who are a bit wary of the possible ramifications of stopping the monthly cycle. What about you?

This dilemma is being considered from all sides on the In the News message board:

"I am on depo provera, which is a shot i get every 3 months. I have completely lost my period with this drug and I love it. I don't understand why anyone would complain!?"

"I haven't read any data that indicates what the long term effects are from taking this med. I would be concerned about a simulation of menopause to the body or some sort of side effect that would mimic that long term. But, the thought of not having a monthly period would be lovely."

"Between 1950 and 1990, breast cancer incidence rates increased 52.3 percent before leveling off in the 1990s. (National Institute of Health). I've always wondered if bc pills played a part in this increase. I wonder what further "advancements" in bc will do to our daughters in 30 or 40 years."

The ladies on the Birth Control message board are a bit more welcoming of the idea. Here's what they're saying:

"As soon as it's generic, I'll be on it. I'm on generic Seasonale right now. I'm trying to take it non-stop."

"Women have been extending their cycles on conventional 21/7 dosing regimen pills for years with no problems. As far as I know it is completely safe."

So would you opt to put a full stop on periods? Or is this a case of fooling around a bit too much with Mother Nature? Let me know what you think! Meanwhile, I have to figure out what I'm going to do with all my stockpiles of Midol.

Remember back in college when you had to sneak a guy into your all-girls dorm? No? Uh...erm... well ... me either! But I've heard stories and that's what I was reminded of when I heard about the plans for a women-only floor in a new Marriott hotel being built in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Along with providing amenities with the female traveler in mind, the hotel plans to offer an all-women lounge, where gals can go to enjoy a drink without fear of being hit on. That is if you're only fearing getting hit on by men and not other women. And just what are these amenities? Special hair dryers, chenille throws and premium bath products, to name a few. Yet no complementary Ben and Jerry's -- I guess because they're guys. This sparked a debate on discrimination between LA attorney Gloria Allred and CNBC's Donny Deustch on the Today Show. But for what women are really thinking about this "perk", I don't need to look any further than our own Hot Debates message board, where they're all over this story.

"Personally, I don't think everything has to be "exactly" equal between the sexes. And if a private company wants all unisex floors, male or female, that should be their right."

"There are women only gyms and no one is up in arms about those. I think women only floors are a great compromise. Some places have women only hotels, and I think that's more discriminatory than just reserving a floor in a unisex hotel for women only."

"I agree that women may have different privacy needs...but I wonder why they would need something different at a hotel? I wouldn't go fill the ice-bucket in my pj's even if the floor was women-only. In your room you'd have all the privacy one could want regardless of who your neighbor was. I guess I don't understand the point of it...."

"Yet another reason why I might forgo booking on an "women-only" floor; I sure as heck don't want to see a bunch of strange women running around in their jammies."

So what do you say? Is creating a women-only floor only perpetuating stereotypes? Is it discrimination against men? Against women? Is it all much ado about nothing? And more importantly -- would you stay in such accommodations if given the choice? Let me know what you think -- and remember to fill the ice bucket on your way in.

I don't know of anyone who's not astounded by this one ... On Thursday, a group of sixth grade students were terrorized by a mock gunman attack staged by their own teachers during a class trip to a local state park. The teachers convinced students a gunman was on the loose and instructed students to get on the floor or hide under tables in an apparent attempt to prepare students to know how to react in the case of a real attack. One problem -- the students were convinced it was real and were crying and terrified for their lives. CMTamara writes on her blog:

I'm all for making sure that our kids are well-informed and would know what to do in case of emergency. But seriously now... where did these teachers leave their brains? It's just my opinion, but, not only did this traumatize these kids unnecessarily, but it also trivialized the seriousness of this type of situation.

The reactions continue on our message boards, ranging from anger to disbelief. Most on the In the News message board feel the teachers acted irresponsibly. And that's only from those showing a bit of restraint:

"This is absolutely insane. I can't even believe adults would do such a thing in light of all the violence going on around us. This type of "prank" isn't even remotely funny. Coming from teachers, people given the responsibility to care for children, it's incredibly immature and stupid."

"I'm deeply saddened regarding what is happening to our children and in particular what is going on in our schools today. Poor judgment is no excuse for inappropriate actions."

One mom from the March 2002 Lucky Charms playgroup sums it up perfectly:

"I am shocked and appalled that they would perform a drill like that with or without notifying the parents. If they wanted to prepare the children for that kind of situation they should have discussed a procedure method first and then acted it out with the children's and the parents knowledge. When you have a fire drill no one starts a fire."

And even more reaction from the 30-Something Parents message board:

"While they might be brushing it off as a harmless prank, local news is showing interviews with some of the kids involved. Although I know the media can blow things out of proportion, I believe these kids were truly in fear for their lives."

"We must protect young people from the terrible things that people can do to each other, even just the portrayals of these things, until the kids are old enough to put it into perspective. I very much despise adults with agendas who horrify children in order to prove a point which the children cannot comprehend until they're adults anyway."

What is your reaction to this story? Was this an ill-conceived event from the start or did the teachers have good intentions that got out of hand? Should the staff involved be reprimanded? Fired? Obviously this is no way to prepare students for the worst -- have we become desperate in our attempts to make sure children are ready for tragedies like the Virginia Tech shootings? Sound off here!

Moms have a lot on their minds -- that's no real surprise, is it? But how do they feel about being connected to their families, their parenting style vs. that of their mothers' and staying at home vs. work (yes, that!). Take a peek at the results of a recent national survey that delves into what today's moms are thinking. Honestly, most moms I know are thinking, "What is so hard about putting dirty clothes IN the hamper, people??" -- that is if they can get that Dora the Explorer theme song out of their head. And that's a big if. Beyond the day-to-day distractions, how moms feel about the "big" questions offers a snapshot of today's parents.

Only 64% of women surveyed said they felt very connected to their spouse/partner.
79% of women say working moms still feel guilty about not staying home with their children.
61% of moms with children under 18 say they spend more time with their children than their mothers did.

Check out the full report and share your reaction to the survey and the findings. Do you these results represent your reality or do they even begin to scratch the surface of who you are as a woman/wife/mother? What questions would you like to see asked? Let me know what you think!

When is poor Paris Hilton going to catch a break? Leaked sex tapes, cell phone mishaps, starlet spats, a DUI and now violating her probation looks like it's going to put Miss Hilton behind bars. And not the kind with Cristal and cosmopolitans, either. I mean ... she's just an honest, simple girl tryin' to have fun, y'all! Ok maybe not. But just when you think that the Paris Hilton parade of absurdity can't get any better, it totally does. As seen on the Daily Blabber, Paris and entourage are petitioning the Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger for a pardon. Of course when something so amazingly crazy like this happens, our message board communities are quick to add their reactions.

On the Hot Debates board:

"Is Paris Hilton just a spoiled brat who thinks all laws and rules simply don't apply to her? And now she wants the governor to pardon her sentence? Give me a break."

"Yes, when I found out she's going to jail I laughed like so evilly

BWhahahahahahahahahahha!

Brilliant!"

Reactions are a bit more mixed on the 20-Something Hangout board:

"I personally think she would get more out of community service than jail time. We all know she's going to go to the pansy, low security prison with cable and do her nails for 45 days. With as stressed as I've been lately, I would welcome the jail time she's getting! "

"She needs to sit her little butt in the slammer for 45 days and get a slap in the face as to how reality is! Money should not be able to buy freedom. If you do the crime my goodness go to jail for it."

And more Paris-inspired opinions from the March Lucky Charms 2002 playgroup:

"I think she should have went to jail in the first place I am so sick of DUI being a slap on the wrist crime for everyone it doesn't matter if you are a celeb or just my stupid brother you get nothing for a crime that can kill."

"I do believe that Paris deserves what she is getting but I also think they are using her to set an example. She is high profile, out in front, in your face and she is going to be the one to burn at the stake to hammer the point home.

I also have this nagging suspicion that she will not serve all that time in jail. I am leaning towards 48-72 hours at the most and the rest under that lovely fashion statement ankle bracelet Michelle Rodriguez had the pleasure of wearing."

Whether Arnold gives Paris a get-out-of-jail-free card or tells her "Hasta la vista, baby" -- do you find the use of celebrity privilege (not to mention celebrity money) to avoid legal consequences appalling? Or typical? Do you care? Is anyone really looking to these people are role models anyway? I know you have something to say about this, so let's hear it!

Another busy week in the iVillage community -- check out a few some of the conversations we've been following:

-- It's Friday ... time to kick up your feet, sit back and enjoy a cookie. Well, let's be honest -- isn't it always time for enjoying a cookie? If you're making them from scratch (and not cheating by just eating raw dough out of a tube like I do), check out these tips from Mrs. Fields' very own baking experts. Then be sure to enter your favorite cookie recipe in our contest for a chance to win! [on the Mrs. Fields Baking group]

-- Is out-of-control jealousy ruining your relationship? Maybe it's time to get to the root of the problem and get rid of the green-eyed monster for good. [on the Snooping and Jealousy message board]

-- The aftermath of the Virginia Tech shootings has prompted some communities to rethink how they approach treating mental illness for those with signs of violence. Are we doing enough on all fronts to help those in need and prevent tragedies like this in the future? [on the Bipolar Disorder message board]

-- Mother's Day is just around the corner (it is, really -- so get crackin' on that macaroni necklace already!), and it's time for the annual assessment of just what a mom's job is really worth. Are you ready? $138,095 a year according to the latest survey that compares some of the jobs a mom does to their workplace counterparts. Whoa! As if giving birth to you wasn't reward enough, right? [on the iVillage Connect blogs]

-- And finally, our hygiene dilemma of the week! Many of you chimed in on last week's icky feet issue, but what do you do if a co-worker has really bad B.O.? We all have those days when work really stinks, but what if it really ... smells? Air it out? Load up on the potpourri? Find a new cube? [on the Current Debates message board]

As expected, President Bush vetoed a war spending bill on Tuesday that would have also set a timetable for troop withdrawal from Iraq. Congress failed to get the required number of votes to override Bush's veto power, setting the stage for possible concessions and changes in strategy. The Bush administration and the war in Iraq are always hot button topics in the iVillage community, where we have a wide range of opinions and political viewpoints. Check out the reactions to this latest development in the debate that seems to never end...

On the Politics Today message board:

"I personally would prefer a bill without any funding for anything else (which is not the case with this bill, as it contains a number of unrelated budgetary requests), but I fully support a bill which contains a non-immediate timetable for drawdown of combat troops, or at least real, solid benchmark requirements for the Iraqi government to govern its own."

From In the News:

"A frustrating time when president doesn't listen to the people. If I were an activist I would be lobbying against any Republican who didn't vote to overturn the veto."

And more reaction from the Moms & Politics community:

"This is just an ongoing power struggle between the two parties and the Dems are going to at least attempt to do whatever it takes to gain control of well, everything."

"The Democrats are voicing the overwhelming voice of Americans who want an end to this stupid war.

If you support the troops, bring them home. The National Guard is for guarding the nation, not for sitting in the middle of Iraq's civil war."

What do you think about the latest strategy to exit Iraq? Is it a good approach or is this just more political back and forth, without really addressing or solving issues? Jump in on the boards or share your feelings about the politics of war, Iraq and our troops here.

The wonders of modern medicine can often be a blessing, but sometimes our advances seem too close to sci-fi for comfort. When these advancements get down on the embryonic level, it's both exciting and concerning. Maybe you wouldn't pick and choose your child's gender or eye color -- but would you use embryonic screening to prevent passing on genetic indicators for disease such as cancer? On the Hot Topic: Designer Babies message board there are no shortage of opinions on this news story that details two couples who are set to be the first to screen embryos for a deadly breast cancer gene.

"I think the ONLY time I would even consider this sort of selection process ethical is if we're talking about screening for a condition that offers absolutely zero chance of a productive, viable life."

"I'm absolutely opposed to this. I can see the thinking and in some respects understand where it comes from, but we're traveling down a slippery slope, IMO. It's just way too close to playing God to me. Of course, people used to say this about IVF, too."

"People die - and while it's not an overly happy thing to think about, it happens. If we keep on developing more and more ways to stop this, or at least prolong it, what will happen to us as a civilization? I know that's looking a lot further ahead than most people do, but my point is this...at some point in the future, are humans going to live to be in their hundreds?"

Would you take advantage of this screening if it were available to you? Do you think the benefits outweigh the potential for abuse? Or is this just pushing the ethical boundaries of where our reach should go? Jump in and share your opinions on this very delicate debate.