Don't Hate the Player; Hate the Game
Anyone else remember that Foreigner song "Head Games"? You know, from back in the 70s? No? Well I do and I've been humming it ever since CMAngela sent me a tip on the intriguing discussions happening on the new Hot Topic: Games People Play message board. I know you know exactly what they're talking about, too. Oh come on ... those little mind games we play with ourselves, our partners and the people that never even make it past the first date... ring a bell? Ever hear of the silent treatment? Of course you have. It's ok -- we all have our own little embarrassing confessions, and one iVillager gives it to us straight:
"When basic Communication does not work I will resort to the Silent Treatment or other Tactics.In fact I call them Domestic Warfare Tactics. I have a stubborn DH, there are times that he will not listen to a word I'm saying and it is frustrating. So, then I will resort to some of my Battle Strategies; such as one word answers to his questions, or not cooking my usual meals opting for a more rudimentary fare, or neglecting to wash only HIS laundry. I do it to get his attention, and usually once that is acquired I can revert back to Basic Communication."
Oooh ... remind me not to get on her bad side!
Others just don't tolerate all these crazy games:
"Guess I'm too old for it. I used to play, but now, when someone starts trying to play me, I'm out the door.The men I meet seem to somehow think that I'm some idiot that will tolerate their not showing up for dates, not calling, not keeping promises, etc. Well, I don't have time. Men don't get second chances with me anymore. If I can see up front that they are going to be players, I just get out."
As if relationships aren't hard enough ... do these games actually get us anywhere or do they just create more problems? Is the silent treatment a proven remedy for what's ailing you? The nature of a game is that there's a winner ... and therefore a loser, right? Step right up and name your game here and tell me what you think about the games people play. If you're not sure what to think about all this business of relationship games, I'll just leave you with the wise words of Foreigner:
It's so clear, I'm sorry to say
But if you wanna win, you gotta learn how to play
Head games
0 TrackBacks
Listed below are links to blogs that reference this entry: Don't Hate the Player; Hate the Game.
TrackBack URL for this entry: http://beehive.ivillage.com/system/mt-tb.cgi/933
Yep, I've done it, and they even had it in the story on According to Jim recently, but I think Cheryl was calling it "Relationship Management" LOL. And now, I need to find my Foreigner CD....
Now I totally have that song stuck in my head...
And don't we all use some sort of "Relationship Management" (thanks Steph) technique at some point?
I might do some of this, but my guy's oblivious to all of it, it just does not compute for him, so why would I bother... He never even knows why I'm mad, lol, so games would just confuse him even more. I have to lay it out logically and step-by-step... then sometimes he gets it (but not always).
I have a friend who plays passive-aggressive games with people, mostly her family. When her husband upsets her, she has a whole arsenal of things she does to him. For example: He knows that she's mad when he opens his lunchbox to find a smashed sandwich, crunched chips, nasty fruit and broken cookies. When she's really mad, she scrubs the toilet with his toothbrush. Yeah, she's way over the top with the head games!
I'll see your Foreigner and raise you a little Depeche Mode:
Words are meaningless and forgettable...enjoy the silence
When I'm really mad at a guy, I can't even speak, because (like many women) I feel like it should be SO OBVIOUS why I'm mad in the first place and don't want to waste my breath explaining it. I really believe men are inherently lazy and expect women to do every little thing for them, so sometimes it takes more than words to snap them back into reality.
"If only Mommy could see how childish she looks, and how it hurts me to see her not speaking to you".
"Mommy takes it out on everybody, and has taught my little sister to do the exact same thing".
- an intelligent observation of "the treatment" according to a 10 year old.