Breast Friends
Breastfeeding seems to be one of those topics that all mothers have really strong opinions on. Now there’s a new twist to the old debate: Would you nurse your friend’s baby?
Here’s a snippet from an essay on the topic over on Babble:
“ ‘I want us to nurse each other’s babies,’ Anastasia said.
‘Okay,’ I said, immediately.
‘They’ll be milk-siblings,’ she said excitedly.
‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘Wow.’
What I didn’t do was yell, ‘OMIGOD! THAT IS SO BIZARRE THAT YOU WANT TO DO THAT!’ That was my first internal reaction.”
Well, yes. There is something about the whole thing that sounds a little squicky. Breastfeeding seems like such an intimate act between mother and child that you can’t really blame the author of the essay when she admits to worrying that if their friends find out they “cross-nurse,” they’ll be considered “the parenting equivalent of wife-swappers.”
Over on the Breast vs. Bottle board, there’s a similar debate going on.
cmsusantt posts, “In a recent discussion with some of my female friends, the topic of breastfeeding moms nursing anothers' kids came up. If you were unable to continue breastfeeding (due to illness or other reasons) interrupting the baby's early nursing, would you have another mom breastfeed your child?”
Here are a few of the responses so far:
“After I got over the idea of my baby sucking on someone else's breast, if I could speak my fears about bonding with someone else etc., I might...”
“I probably would be okay with certain people nursing but my issue would be more one of jealousy that with the milk.”
“I think it would be very hard and painful to see my baby and someone else bond in that way that I don't think I could do it.”
Would you ever cross-nurse? Whether it was due to an inability to nurse, or out of a desire to share this intimate experience with a close friend?
Or is this whole debate the result of overly sleep-deprived mothers of infants?
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If it were me and I could no longer nurse for health reasons and really felt strongly that my baby needed to continue on breastmilk, I would consider accepting donated milk from said friend, but would not be able to blithely accep her physically nursing my baby. They make nursing kits for fathers, so maybe I'd put the donated milk in one of those and use that instead. As it is, I had to stop nursing for my baby's health and after getting over the first guilt and feeling I'd let her down somehow, put her on formula in a bottle and never looked back. I think we each do what we feel is right for our babies and if you feel fine with letting your buddy nurse your baby, then who am I to judge?
When my dd was born, we went home from the hospital where I promptly developed a fever resulting in a week long hospital stay. I've always felt that this contributed to her inability to latch properly which ended us switching to formula. I was devastated by having to give up on breast feeding. I think if a friend had offered to nurse my baby in the interim, I would have at least considered it seriously. I honestly don't see anything wrong with one woman helping another to be successful at breast feeding.
I don't have a problem with it...to each her own...but I don't think I could do it personally. I could definitely feed my baby someone else's pumped milk (if needed), and I wouldn't mind giving my milk to another baby. As for physically nursing, I just don't think I'd be comfortable with that part. Maybe if I had a sister I'd consider it?
I don't think it's appropriate at all. I can see giving someone elses milk in a bottle in an emergency situation. Breastfeeding a child is so personal and sharing that with someone else is ALMOST like saying sure you can share a bed with my husband. Obviously it's not exactly the same but if you can't breastfeed there is nothing wrong with formula. Having someone else take your place will not make you feel any better if you feel like a failure for not being able to do it yourself. It will probably make you feel worse that someone else is having that bond with your child.
If it were some sort of emergency, and I wasn't able to BF my child... There are only two people in this world I would even think about trusting that with. And I think only one of them would do it.
I do agree though that it should be done through a bottle, and not by breast if at all possible.