Womb for Rent
There was a segment on the Today show recently (that our own blogger Meredith Vieira wrote about, natch) focusing on one couple, Kathy and Rob Adzich, and the woman they call their “guardian angel.” No, Stephanie Kalenda doesn’t have wings, and no, she’s not even trying to earn her wings, It’s a Wonderful Life-style. She’s an ordinary woman who made the extraordinary choice to help the Adziches start a family of their own by carrying their child as a surrogate mother.
People can’t seem to stop talking about this segment, which is buzzing all across the boards.
Having a child is such a struggle for so many couples these days, and when fertility treatments don’t work, what are parent-wannabes to do? Surrogacy is becoming more and more common, which brings us to the big question: Would you ever be a surrogate?
cl-robinsmama writes: “I was thinking this morning about some friends of ours who are getting married. The wife has a 3 y.o. son, and though she adores him, she had a really tough pregnancy and delivery and does NOT want any more kids because of that…I (jokingly) thought to myself, hey, my pregnancy with Robin was easy... I could be their surrogate! Seriously though, I don't think I could ever be a surrogate for anyone else. It would be a life growing inside of me, and even though it wouldn't genetically be my child, I think I would feel like it was my child. I think I would have a really hard time giving it to the biological parents.”
ralenth: “I don't think I could do it. I don't think I could give the baby up afterwards. The only exception that I can think of would be for my sister.”
raebrown2006: "I wish I were a strong enough person to be able be a surrogate, but sadly I'm not."
Lots of moms are agreeing that while it would be amazing thing to do for a childless couple, and while they admire and respect women who become surrogates, it would just be too difficult to carry a child for 9 months and then give it up.
Then there’s krzylittlecara. “I would be very happy to be able to offer that to another person who without me might not have had the chance to experience that same happiness…Maybe I will get reamed for it but I really don't care. Sure I would feel a connection to the child (after all it took up residence in my body for 40+ weeks) but in the end it would be amazing to be able to offer something so special to a childless couple.”
What do you think? Is the payoff worth the pain? Would you ever be able to be someone’s surrogate mother? Knowing it would change someone's life forever? That you could be someone's "guardian angel"?
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My pregnancies with both my kids were rough, in terms of TTC, during the entire pregnancy, and throughout the first year post-partum. I just couldn't do another pregnancy, whether for myself or for someone else.
I actually considered doing this for a dear friend who could not have children after cancer treatments. They eventually decided to adopt, and I'm still not certain I could have actually gone through with it, especially knowing that I'd see the baby fredquently but it wouldn't be "mine". Women who choose to do this must be amazingly strong and generous.
I would love to be surrogate! I loved being pregnant and love being a Mom. I would love to help another couple complete their family. I have mentioned this to my husband many times. He doesn't think I would be able to give the baby up in the end. I really do believe I could since it is not my baby and I would know that all along. My husband thinks I would grow to attached and regret it. I guess you can not truly know for sure until you are in that situation.
I don't think being a surrogate is for me, but I hold a deep respect for those women who are willing to make this sacrifice for someone else. For me I would never really be able to let go of the child I carried.
I thought it was really interesting how one poster wrote that she and her sister (both of whom have children) thought they could never do this, but her younger sister (who does not have children of her own) thought she might consider it. Maybe you don't know how you'd feel about it until you have babies of your own?
I think surrogates are incredibly selfless, brave and generous. I realize they're being paid for their efforts, but no amount of money could make me that strong.
I will not be a surrogate mother, this is not because there's anything wrong with it but because I can't deal with giving up the baby at the end of the day. The seperation will kill me.
If you must be a surrogate mother, do it as charity i.e. do not take any monetary rewards. The couple should take care of your medical and maternity expenses only.
I'm a two time surrogate. My first surrogacy I was a traditional surrogate, meaning we used my egg and a donor sperm. I'm currently undergoing my second surrogacy where i'm a gestational surrogate. It's a great and long adventure, emotional and exhausting. There's always that thought of seperation from the child, that deters women from becoming a surrogate. It's all about frame of mind really. For me, I am grateful for the two children that I've been blessed with, but I have no desire to have anymore...I enjoyed being pregnant, for the most part, and wish to share that joy with a couple who is not as fortunate. As for the monetary rewards...do you realize how expensive kids are, especially if you are a single parent? My kids get the joy of seeing me pregnant and knowing what good deeds look like. I get the satisfaction of knowing that I won't have to struggle in trying to provide for them. Again, it's all about frame of mind. You are doing a job and getting paid for it...You also get that wonderful feeling of doing something good...and giving someone something they will treasure for the rest of their lives. Pregnancy is a roller coaster, why not get compensated for your efforts? It just makes the end reward so much sweeter! Besides, how much would you pay if you couldn't have children?