Teenagers in Love
While September still has that new-school-year smell to it, I thought we might take a moment to consider an aspect of going back to school that most of us don’t consider until it’s too late: the SAT. No, no, not the college admissions test. Of course I am referring to the dreaded Sexually Active Teen.
So, here’s the situation: one iVillager’s “14 year old daughter just came back from sleepover camp and while doing her laundry and putting her things away, I came across letters that a boy she just met this year and has been friends with sent to her. I was shocked to see the language and to read that they have been having oral sex and vaginal sex. My dilemma is do I tell her I read the letters and I know everything? Should I tell her I read the letters and know everything? I know she will hate me but I am so scared she will get pregnant or get an STD.”
This starts off as a discussion about privacy, and how much privacy a teen living under your roof needs/deserves/ought to have. As kristens_mom points out, “Yes, she might be mad at me, but better that than a mother at 14. Also maybe subconsciously she wanted the letter found, she can still be outraged at the invasion of privacy but it saves face and she's not forced to admit to her parents that she needs help or guidance.”
Other moms second this sentiment.cl-weberdns0 writes, “Sorry......I'm a parent and not a friend.” Who cares if the teen is mad at her mother? The outcome of an open discussion about sex and birth control is worth the passing annoyance.
jaydasmom2002 agrees: “I would also take her to the doctor and get her on birth control and have a talk with her about safe sex. You can't really tell your teenager NOT to have sex, because if they're going to do it then they're going to do it.”
Then a teenaged mother chimes in, offering a unique point of view…read more after the jump.
gennasmomma is both a teenager and a mom (-to-be, anyway). She writes, “Hi, I'm eighteen, and came across this board since I'm expecting my daughter any day now. I thought I'd offer the perspective of someone closer to your kids' ages, but also someone who is about to be a parent. And scared, disappointed, or outraged as you may be when you learn that your kids are having sex, they are having sex and that's the bottom line. So now you have to deal with it.” Interesting. I guess we’ll see how she feels when Genna’s having sex…but she has some time until then. gennasmomma and others add that young moms need support and not shame. But try telling that to moms of teens or preteens!
cl-weberdns0, for example, writes: “I have real problems with a 14 year old being given the title of parent. Just because you can have a baby, it doesn't make you a parent.”
And thegymmom adds, “I think here, you are seeing a definite generation gap…I don't think it is okay to get pregnant without being married. That is how I was raised…I am not trying to offend anyone, it's just that, I listen to all of this whining about young mothers on welfare not being able to help support their children, and I think to myself,
’Why did you have unprotected sex?’”
Well. What would you do if you suspected your teenaged daughter (or son) of being sexually active? Is it any of your business? If your teenager became pregnant, would you support or shun her?
Let us know what you think.
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When I was in the fourth grade, a fellow classmate became pregnant. She was too young to handle the baby full-time, so her parents raised her child. Yet, the fact is she still had sex, she wasn't forced. I know it is hard to come to terms with, but your teen is more than likely having sex or thinking about it... The best we can do is prepare them, tell them what it really is, all the gross things that really happen. Also, just to add, even by putting them on birth control and using extra protection doesn't gurantee they won't become pregnant.
Yikes! Fourth grade? Um...have fourth graders even gone through puberty?
I hear what you're saying, Stefanie, for sure. Just because a person's biologically ready doesn't mean she's prepared in any way to be a parent. (In fourth grade I was barely prepared to speak to a boy of any kind, but that's another story.)
And you're right -- it's scary but not even birth control is a guarantee. Can you imagine if, honestly, only people who were prepared to be parents had sex? The world would be a different place...
Hi,i'm 19 and married to the most wonderful guy in the world but,i still don't feel that i'm prepared for parenthood. I can't imagine being even younger,pregnant and not married! You moms that put your foot down,make them have an alibi and a reasonable curfew, thank you, it does make difference!