Marry Me?
In this new thread, texigan-again posts, “What do you think is the most important thing for a long term, successful, loving marriage?”
Oh sure, there’s the answers you’d expect: Commitment, respect, sex, sharing dish duty.
And then there's some you might not expect. tinderbox03 writes, “Also, if possible somehow, essential to great, lengthy marriages is NOT having money problems.”
Now here’s something I think most young people considering marriage don’t think about. Money, money. You think, oh we’re in love, it’ll work – underestimating the importance of dull, boring old finances. What do you think?
Then there’s ksasmom. “I think the most important thing is to make the marriage itself the most important thing…I see so many marriages where the kids run the whole family, the parents do nothing but 'sacrifice' for the kids…I recognize that the children will, keeping fingers crossed here, will one day fly the nest. I would like to know the person sharing my bed at that point.”
Wow, what a good point, and one I’m not sure I see articulated very often. Remember a few years ago when everyone was all angry with the writer Ayelet Waldman, for blogging about how she loves her husband more than her kids? (OKAY she didn’t say that in those exact words, and she obviously loves her kids.) But I don’t know – it doesn’t sound all that crazy to me. You and your husband are a team, right? And it has to be that way to work and to keep working. Right?
goddess_lonestarmom adds, “I'm no Dr. Laura, saying you should wait until over 30 to get married. But waiting until after college, at least, really helps the likelihood for long-term successful marriage.”
Well, many posters who married young (19/20) beg to differ.
So, my little bees, what is it really? Whether you’re in a happy marriage or considering marriage or never considering marriage ever ever ever…what does it take to make it work?
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I'm 24 years old and have been in a relationship for 8 years even though most of it was long distance because my boyfriend and I went to seperate colleges. We live in the same town now but have decided to wait to get married until after he finishes getting his ph d because being able to provide is important to him, and fits into that whole "money is an issue" topic discussed on here. While sometimes I feel like the minority when I see all my friends getting married and especially when they have known their SO for a much shorter time then my bf and I, I feel like Im happy with my situtation. I think that society still pushes women to get married at a young age. I think too many women fall in love with the ideas of weddings and being a "princess" for a day.
I do recall reading some research that pointed to finacial pressures being one of the most cited causes of divorce by the couples themselves.
Less finacial issues= less stress= less fighting= more peace= happier marriage.
What does it take to make it work?
After 40+ years marriage (we married at 21), I'd say WORK! You have to be ready to work through the bad spots and NOT too ready to give up when the going gets tough...
I'm no opponent of divorce per se (I consider it a boon for people who are in jeopardy, whose partner is abusive or cheating, etc....), but it seems to me too many people use easy divorce as a way to get out of the work of being married!
All your conversations are certainly actual, but you look at people how many them today dies from famine! Help better to them.
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