September 2006 Archives

As you know, here at the Beehive we bring you the most important buzz of the day – what women are talking about, and what you need to know.

That’s why today I’d like to call your attention to a very important issue.
These shoes:

This is not okay.

At least not according to cl-lisacap21, who writes: “When did wearing gardening shoes become a fashion??? I am seeing more and more people wearing these hideous (in my humble opinion anyway) bright colored clogs.”

biores reports that this trend has not hit her area yet, but lovesfashion30 confirms sightings in Arizona. pvilleprincess shares the virtual shudder-in-disgust: “deadly ugly.” ohiogin chimes in: “I agree UGLY UGLY UGLY... They are all over Ohio...” And I hate to be the one to say this, but I’m seeing them all over New York City. (Fashion capital, my eye.) What are these things and why are they taking over the country?

And then finally an honest poster confesses. “I agree, they are ugly,” admits offuttmom – “but I tried on a pair and fell in love with the comfort.”

Mmm-hmmm.

Admit it – you’re wearing them right now. You said you wouldn’t; you thought they were totes ugs…and then you tried them on and gosh darn were those things comfortable. But is it worth it? Please, help me to understand!

A little while ago puppy_dog_tails posted this: “ ‘SAH [Staying at home] doesn't support change, it supports going backwards to the 1950's,’ Statement in a post below. I wholeheartedly disagree. To me, SAH is a choice. How is that going back to the 1950s, when a lot of women didn't have much of a choice.”
Uh huh.

Almost 4,000 posts later, turns out this wasn’t such an innocent statement.

subswife agrees: “Women should have the freedom to decide what is best for their families.”

And sunkistmom22 points out, “Women can now stay at home because they want to, not because they have to or it's expected…And besides, staying at home after your child is born doesn't mean you are leaving the work force forever. We're talking about 1 year, maybe 3 or even 5 years… And as much I do enjoy my job, I am willing to sacrifice a little money for a little while for my happiness.”

But here’s the point, or so says kbmammm: “The people before you struggled to change things. That you chose what they fought to change doesn't change things.”

sunkistmom22: “So women should not be allowed to choose? They should be forced to WOH away from their babies if they do not want to? How is this better?

Is being a stay-at-home-mom bad for women? Is it a step backwards? Do you feel guilty for staying at home because it’s been so hard for women (or for you, personally) to break into the work world? Here’s the thing that always gets me (at the risk of sounding like I’m channeling Caitlin Flanagan here) -- if no moms are supposed to stay at home, then that means nannies (at best) are rearing those children. And nannies are usually women. And those women are usually lower-middle to lower-class. And does enforcing this kind of system really lead to social change? KWIM, kbmamm?

Well anyway. So shoot. SAHM vs WOH – which is more progressive?

In this new thread, texigan-again posts, “What do you think is the most important thing for a long term, successful, loving marriage?”

Oh sure, there’s the answers you’d expect: Commitment, respect, sex, sharing dish duty.

And then there's some you might not expect. tinderbox03 writes, “Also, if possible somehow, essential to great, lengthy marriages is NOT having money problems.”

Now here’s something I think most young people considering marriage don’t think about. Money, money. You think, oh we’re in love, it’ll work – underestimating the importance of dull, boring old finances. What do you think?

Then there’s ksasmom. “I think the most important thing is to make the marriage itself the most important thing…I see so many marriages where the kids run the whole family, the parents do nothing but 'sacrifice' for the kids…I recognize that the children will, keeping fingers crossed here, will one day fly the nest. I would like to know the person sharing my bed at that point.”

Wow, what a good point, and one I’m not sure I see articulated very often. Remember a few years ago when everyone was all angry with the writer Ayelet Waldman, for blogging about how she loves her husband more than her kids? (OKAY she didn’t say that in those exact words, and she obviously loves her kids.) But I don’t know – it doesn’t sound all that crazy to me. You and your husband are a team, right? And it has to be that way to work and to keep working. Right?

goddess_lonestarmom adds, “I'm no Dr. Laura, saying you should wait until over 30 to get married. But waiting until after college, at least, really helps the likelihood for long-term successful marriage.”

Well, many posters who married young (19/20) beg to differ.

So, my little bees, what is it really? Whether you’re in a happy marriage or considering marriage or never considering marriage ever ever ever…what does it take to make it work?

One of the best parts of starting this blog has been getting to know more of the extraordinary women who make up iVillage. And I'm not talking about us office-bound, highly-caffeinated producers over here -- I mean YOU, the community. So in honor of today's California Governor and First Lady's Conference on Women, I'd like to give a big ol' shout-out to 10 Extraordinary iVillage Women. Whether you're surviving cancer, volunteering to help others, or holding your family together despite the odds, you're a darned inspirational bunch. I know, I know -- you're ALL amazing, but we couldn't very well have a 25,000,000 Extraordinary iVillage Women article, now could we?

Well, I guess we can at least try. Who in your life inspires you? Post about her here.

You know, all the recent uproar about models getting skinnier and skinnier has got me thinking… maybe it’s just that the rest of us are getting fatter. Think about it. Maybe they're perfectly healthy, but the rest of us Americans have become such fatties that they look thinner to us, the way a room looks smaller to you when you’re a little kid. Personally, I think these gaunt gals are hot, hot, hot. If I were a guy, I would want to date one of them, for sure. After dinner, you could use her fingers for toothpicks! And if you wanted your shirt to unwrinkle, you could dangle your hanger from her ribs. I mean, imagine having a girlfriend who never eats (no arguing over doing dishes!) AND who is so versatile?

Anyone who has a problem with the media glorifying beyond-waifish, fragile-looking wisps of women is obviously just over-sensitive. And fat.

Ok, as ridiculous that sounds, it’s not so far from how people are responding to this recent New York Times article. A coworker forwarded this to me, saying, “this might just be the new Shamu” (you remember, the article everyone was forwarding each other like crack fiends a few months back).

So, as we keep hearing about Americans getting more and more obese, how come celebrities and models becoming more and more skeletal? And is the skinnitude of professional skinny people worth so much debate?

onemorestitch posts, “I was watching the rerun of Project Runway last night and was shocked at how thin some of these models were... I know that the thin issue isn't limited to models. Dancers and actors also hit the spotlight with bones protruding. There is some question in the article as to who is responsible for this."

beckygirl82 chimes in: "With models it's a bit more cut and dry than with dancers and actors. Models are more often too thin by a lot. With dancers what's most troubling is when they have weight limits, unhealthy ones at that, written into their contracts. Both professions have a frightening number of women with eating disorders, because of the idiotic emphasis on weight."

Seriously. What is up with this? The discussion continues here.

I can't believe I missed this, which happened nary a few blocks from where I sit at this very moment. From the official press release: "Hundreds of breastfeeding women and their supporters are expected to gather outside of the Toys "R" Us in Times Square, Thursday, September 21, 2006 at 11 A.M. for a Nurse-In. The public action is in support of Chelsi Meyerson, a breastfeeding mother who store employees and a security guard allegedly harassed at the store last week for breastfeeding her 7-month old son." What I can't figure out is if it actually happened. Anyone know?

But of course the boards are on top of this issue. tsume posted a message from the mom in question on the Lactation Expert Board: "Good morning. I wanted to write you all and tell you about the humiliating treatment that I recently received from one of our nation¹s leading children¹s stores. I am not one to usually vent publicly, but think that I have an obligation to share my situation with as many families as I can..."

cl-i-am-blessed: "Thanks for sharing that. I am STEAMING."

What are breastfeeding moms' rights, anyway? How do you feel about breastfeeding in public? I know some non-moms who say public breastfeeding makes them feel very squicky indeed. But -- why are we so embarrassed about such a natural thing? Weigh in here -- and I'm sure this is buzzing on tons of Pregnancy & Parenting boards. Post links if you like!

Ha, remember how yesterday I posted about us talking about breastfeeding a lot? I wasn't kidding!

I’ve noticed that when you tell men you work at a women’s website, they get this vaguely glazed-over expression and start acting a little shifty, as if they’re afraid you’re about to sit them down and start telling them all about vibrators and breastfeeding and – worst of all – menstruation.

And I gotta say…they are right to be scared. Around here we talk a lot about, well, vibrators. And breastfeeding. And worst of all, menstruation. Hey, we’re girls, we can’t help it. And why should we pretend that there’s not a week (at least) out of every month where we act, completely against our wills, like total raving maniacs? That’s why I am LOVING this new monthly online magazine I just came across. It’s customizable, people. There is a section for every week of your cycle -- from the “must curl up on couch” stage to the “would kill my own granny for a buffalo wing” stage.

Which is a good thing because really, PMS (or PMT or PMDD) is no laughing matter.

As momto2cuties2006 well knows. “About six months after the baby was born, I woke in the night ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS with my husband…Sorry for TMI (too much information) but 2 days later my period came back for the first time since the baby was conceived. So what I was going through was pre menstrual tension… It only took me a month or two to realize that all those emotions were now coming on me like clockwork every month. It didn't mean I could stop them. Just that I knew to wait them out, like a bad flight or a miserable visit from the in-laws. Just to shut up and put up. Of course I didn't always manage it to stay quiet, but I learned to try.”

Exactly -- I think this is what's so hard for the menfolk to understand, right? That even when you know it's just hormonal, you can help the evil moods. You can eat chocolate till the cows come home, but it's not going away.

This very interesting thread is mostly about perimenopause, and how poor coachduke is supposed to survive his wife’s menopausal mood swings AND his teenage daughters’ PMS! (Get this poor man a beer, at least. Yikes!) But I think we can all relate to the weird, totally involuntary mood swings our hormones unleash into our lives. What do you do when the Fury strikes you? How should coachduke deal with his raging women?

And why are you being such a JERK to me?! (Dissolves into weeping fit.)

Oh wait, sorry.

Edited to add: Or maybe PMS is a laughing matter after all! lissap4552 writes, "In my city, the local radio station has something call PMS confessional where women who have done outrageous things because of PMS can call and tell what they did...Was there anything you did that you wouldn't have done if you hadn't been PMS-ing?" And what follows are confessions that you'll have to read to believe. Thanks, Zanna, for the link!

Hoo boy, it's a scorcher.

For a few days now there’s been a raging debate on the All Sides of an Affair board, circling around that classic affair-related quandary: can you stay together for the kids? And perhaps more importantly, should you? Of course emotions run high here -- whether you've been cheated on or whether you've been the OW (that's Other Woman, though "Ow" seems appropriate under the circumstances), it's never an easy situation. In the immortal words of, well, Mick Jagger -- "You can't always get what you want." Or can you?

takestwo2tango: “Ya it can work. I've seen it happen. It's putting others before yourself. Pretty unselfish for a relationship that is supposed to be selfish.”

jenno8: “Actually, its not unselfish, its just MAYBE a TINY bit LESS selfish...The unselfish thing to do would be to break off the R with a MM and give yourself 100% to the relationship you are committed to and the resulting children from said relationship...” (MM = married man)

sixtus: “If a cheater actually loved their children as much as they claim, they wouldn't do the one thing they know could possibly destroy the stability of the children they supposedly love so much.”

Then lefeen offers the perspective of one of these children who was “stayed together for,” and the effect her father’s affairs had on her: “From our father, my brother & I learned a great deal about how to lie, cheat, manipulate, avoid personal responsibility… Anything we were told about the value of things like honesty, empathy, loyalty, fidelity, and integrity was obliterated in favour of the opposite behaviours demonstrated by our father. We learned well that in relationships it pays to be the crapper rather than the crapee…Yes, I *understand* why my mother chose to wait until her kids grew up before divorcing my father? Am I *grateful* she did it? No.”

And justalurkr points out, “There's no magic age where a divorce no longer hurts the children.”

Dang. So, is it ever worth it?

Just happened to come aross this in Slate: "At my first glimpse of boss-from-hell Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada, I had to stifle a whoop of delight... Here, in big-screen glory, is an attractive, powerful woman who wears her silver coif with elan." This piece is a funny -- and insightful -- look at the glory of Going Gray. Going gray takes guts, after all, in our youth-obsessed culture. And this article's author describes how going gray gracefully (and prematurely) has garnered her the admiration of other women who wish they "were brave enough" to do the same.

But it's not as if not coloring your hair is all fun and games either. On the Get Great Hair boards, illusionchris writes, “I let my hair go natural about 4 yrs. ago-I had dk. brown hair and it has come in silvery white. I get a lot of compliments about the color now, but just in the past 6 months or so I have noticed a slight yellowing to it that was definitely not there before. I don't know exactly what shampoo is the best for my hair.”

Got ideas for illusionchris, or gray-hair issues of your own? Chime in right hair. Um, here.

There’s a snarky little piece in this week’s New York Magazine about the idea of “The Outsourced Parent” : “Nannies have been around for centuries, but in New York—the leading edge of parental avoidance—it is now possible to outsource more-advanced child-rearing functions as well, such as shopping for clothing, going on college visits, and even initiating those awkward talks about, well, you know.” The list gets pretty darn ridiculous – from a woman who charges $4,300 to rid your child of thumb-sucking to a service that offers “birds and the bees” talks for $99 per session.

But there’s a real issue behind this slightly goofy guide to paying people to raise your kid. Just how involved in your child’s life should parents really be? Though the NYMag piece has a slightly hostile undercurrent, I really do think it hits on something. As more and more mothers work out of the home, all sorts of issues arise about just who ends up doing all that, well, mom stuff. Of course working mothers are still mothers, and parents who work still raise their own kids (or can, anyway) – but if both parents are at work, who is down in the trenches all day? How can a working mom juggle her career with PTA meetings and soccer practice attendance? Does she even have to?

At the Education Issues board, mom2cassandsteff writes, “How important is parental involvement in a child's education? In America, we seem to think it is vital and leads to better outcomes...
I am beginning to wonder if "parental involvement" is just another way to measure the same thing, another way to say "More successful parents have more successful children"...[in the UK] children whose parents are least involved in their education have the highest levels of success. The most wealthy British send their children to boarding schools.”

Is it important to be involved in every little aspect of your child’s life? Or will your child be just as successful if she’s raised by nannies and shipped off to boarding school? Were your parents involved in your early life and education or not, and how do you think this has shaped you? Discuss amongst yourselves. After all, your "discussing current events" session starts in a few minutes...

Don't eat your spinach!

Um, no, really, don't eat your spinach. You've probably all heard by now about this horrid E. Coli outbreak. What are you doing in response? cl-ydoom at the Cooking With the Seasons board writes, "I do use the mix often...Now I think I'll skip the easy way. To many other foods that we have to watch for E. coli to worry if the bagged mix will make us sick. " Ugh, isn't it scary? All of us, er, lazier cooks are feeling a little funny, I think. I know I am particularly lax when it comes to washing veggies...oh god, I can practically feel it coming on.

More on the issue at the South Beach Diets board where enamom says, "I wouldn't even do the root spinach. There was an article in our paper yesterday as the University here (Ohio State) is doing a HUGE study for the dept of agriculture on whether the E-coli comes thru the dirt and then remains IN the spinach as part of it's growth structure. So it may be in there and can't be washed or processed out." Scary.

What would Popeye think?
(Oh wait, he always ate canned spinach. Maybe now we know why!)

leeluminious is mad as hell, and she’s not going to take it anymore.

She started this thread expressing her frustration at the way single moms are dismissed and demonized by men and women alike. On another message board, leeluminious reports, men had been commiserating about refusing to pay child support – saying that if they a man slept with a woman and she became pregnant, that was her fault and that if being single mom was too difficult then she should give up the kid for adoption. Nice, right? “It seems that most men feel that they should be able to have unprotected sex with as many women as they want and if she gets pregnant they can just skip away, liability free to go do the same to the next chick. Say it ain't so!...([it]makes me not wanna have sex ever again. God forbid I accidentally fell in love with one of these creeps. Certainly makes me think more about saving myself/what’s left of myself anyway since i ain't no virgin/ for marriage only)”

leafygreens responds, “If these guys don't want to assume responsibility for a child, then they should learn to practice safe sex. It’s pretty basic.” Sure, so long as both the man and the woman in a partnership are responsible adults who can be expected make mature decisions about their own lives. But that’s a bit too simple…and I worry about where this kind of thinking might lead. Are we suggesting that only people who are emotionally and financially prepared to become parents should have sex? So, given that the average age of first-time parents keeps increasing, no one should have sex until he or she is close to 30? Eh – it doesn’t strike me as being such a terrible idea, at least in theory. But it does strike me as being profoundly unrealistic.

zamorak adds, “Women choose to be single mothers, and do all the damage to the child associated with it.”

Then scummybear2006 gives us a man’s perspective… “A man should always be a father to his child but after hearing feminists say over and over again that fathers are useless and we are just good for sperm and a check. Feminism has devalued fatherhood to the point where men feel no obligation anymore.”

So…it’s all the feminists’ fault?

What’s not to love about Fashion Week? Mere blocks away from where I now sit, flocks of 17-year-olds with legs longer than my entire being are strutting their stuff in huge tents in Bryant Park. The frocks fashioned with these half-human/half-sapling creatures in mind…the hairstyles as carefully constructed as a sonnet…the single-digit body-mass-indexes. When you see one of these young ladies in person, let me just tell you, it's a little alarming. How can a person be so thin and still be alive? It makes you wonder would happen if the fashion world were to – gasp! – start favoring a “healthier” look?

Cl_jazznpercy posts this news on the Battle of the Sexes board: “The organizers of the top fashion show in Spain decided that they wanted their models to project a healthier image, so they banned all models who had a BMI (body mass index) of under 18.”

Gasp!

lucy4980 writes, “I think it is a great idea. The media has this warped view of beauty that they feed us at every turn. Women spend untold amounts of money and energy trying to live up to an unhealthy standard. Change the standard and some of our societal problems will go away.”

But, as julip510 points out, “I have a sister who is 5'11" and she resembles the Spanish model pictured in the article...she eats...but you can see every rib on her...she's just naturally skinny ...so, pondering that some women who ARE naturally freakishly thin and tall gravitate towards modeling. I wonder if this rule would actually discriminate against them...”

I know, I know. We are all so worried for those poor women. What will they do when they can’t depend on their looks? Will they have turn to acting? Or dancing? Or – perish the thought – banking?! Teaching children?! Okay, I guess I’m not feeling terribly sympathetic. When really, it's not the fault of the uber-thin. enchanteddreamm8 really puts her finger on it here: “I guess this is good in a way. I still don't know yet whether this will address the root cause of the problem - the fact that physical appearance is seen by many as the basis of beauty and self worth. Hopefully it will help at least a little bit.”

What do you think -- is discriminating against certain body types unfair, no matter what the body type? Or is this a step in the right direction? Weigh in. (Heh. Weigh. Get it? Hm.)

PS – Fellow iVillage blogstress Grrl Genius has a really funny post on this very subject. Great minds, Grrl G, great minds.

So, in the news today...yet another death-obsessed nut-job ruins everyone’s day. (Yes, that’s my in-depth news analysis. You’re welcome.) The Parents of College Students board commiserates over the horrible campus shooting in Montreal… iteadrinker writes, “I am a grad of Dawson & I know someone whose son is there now. Talk about a scary day.” And 3_lil_monkeys says, “I live not too far from Columbine and recall the awful shock and fear that I felt listening to the news as the Columbine shootings occurred. Seeing this happen in Canada today brought back those same chills.” Drop in to share your thoughts, prayers, concerns, fears, whatever.

Yes, it’s true. It finally happened. The world has another Fetusline.

As even your blind & deaf 300-year-old Aunt Edith knows by now, Britney Spears gave birth to baby #2 just days before the old baby Sean Preston’s first birthday. Can you imagine having two babies at once? Balancing two little bundles, both in diapers? Well, these moms of Close Siblings can.

While I imagine having two kids really close in age must be incredibly difficult while they’re babies, I guess I can also see the advantages. Maybe you’re an older mom and want to have kids before it’s too late, maybe you just think the kids will be closer that way, maybe you want to get through the baby years and get back to work, or maybe it was, um, a happy accident.

Still, it presents its own unique set of joys…and challenges.

One mom writes: “DH and I just found we will be welcoming our third child this spring, yes I already have a one year old and a two year old and yes it's going to be a lot of work, but why do people feel it necessary to audibly GROAN when I tell them I'm pregnant again!?!” We already know that women – moms especially – can be incredibly hard on one another. But why do we get so judgy about so-called "Irish twins"?

kristilee77 writes, "People seem to think when it comes to babies they can just give their opinions, touch your belly, touch your baby and give you advice no matter what. I find it funny because you don't see people commenting to divorced people like that, you don't see them saying 'geez you weren't married very long,' or 'wow that was quick'... I think it's rude."

erinnicolevan adds, "I am always asked questions, though, IN FRONT of my children - I don't, for one second, want them to feel like they are a burden or a mistake or too many."

Is it fair to kids (or parents) to have siblings so close together in age? Do you think Brit knows what she’s getting herself into? Would you want your kids to be only a year apart in age? And of course, are you looking forward to the Spederline Brothers Boy Band? Maybe you have kids who are close in age, and can offer some advice for a new mom dealing with the "audible groan."

Remember this story, "What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage," from ages and ages ago? (Okay, it was late June.) Remember how everyone was emailing it around? Remember how all your single friends were like, “Oh my goodness, how shocking and terrible,” and all your married friends shrugged and said, “Yep, sounds about right”?

Well, it's back. On the Married Girl’s Guide to Life board, lash06 is asking for help -- “I guess what it comes down to is I need some ideas on how to get DH to do stuff around that house. I am expected to be the perfect little housewife on top of working and I am less than thrilled about it…now we both work, we actually work at the same place, we bring in the same amount and work the exact same hours every day. Everything is even. Except when we come home. That’s when I am expected to do everything, all cooking, cleaning, all the errands etc.”

Ah, the second shift. It’s a tale as old as time, no? Arlie Russell Hochschild gave it a name in her 1990 book, but I’d be willing to bet that as long as women have been in workplace, we’ve been expected to still take care of all the housewifey things around the house, from childcare to laundry; cooking to cleaning – despite working just as many hours as our, ahem, Dear Husbands (or boyfriends).

So remind me again – how’s a gal to train DH? Some suggestions from the boards after the jump...

So, I don’t know if you all caught this segment on the Today Show about protecting your children from abduction, but it was pretty darn chilling. I mean, I don’t even have kids and I was getting worried!

The segment focuses on older kids and teens, and how you should encourage them to be aware of their surroundings, not walk alone when possible, fight back if attacked, etc. But what about the little guys? Those toddling peanuts who seem to be constantly veering, as if magnetically drawn, into the busiest street or the knottiest crowd? What would you do to keep your kids safe? Would you consider…a leash?

No, I’m not kidding. There’s a thread right now on this very topic over at the Pregnant and Overweight/Overweight Moms board, which started when norwaymamma wrote that her in-laws "would like to buy one of those child harnesses, leashes, whatever they are called, to use on Kristoffer when they are out with him since he loves to walk. I don't like them and have always thought they are for dogs and not children. I do see the point in them in that it lets the child walk freely, but at the same time you are in control and know where the child is. But I still don't like them."

hayzed responds, “Personally I think they are great. I used to think it looked pretty funny when I seen parents using them with kids before until I had my own of course. It is for safely and if there is anything out there that is going to make my daughter more safe, I am going to use it without question.” More moms have chimed in, saying that they hear so many stories of kidnappings or see so many kids get lost in public places that they just want to keep their kids safe, and that a leash isn’t such a bad way to go.

But lots of moms are with norwaymamma, feeling like these kid leashes are a little too much like dog leashes to be sensible options. There's this rumbling that moms who string their little ones on leashes being insensitive, or lazy, like they just don't want to have to pay that much attention to where the peanut is headed. I feel like I would worry about not letting kids be kids, you know? Whether they're at the zoo or the park, they're little kids; they need to run around, and to learn to be safe, avoid the street, listen to adults, etc. Then again, I don't have kids. But I do know that when I was a kid my mom never used a leash, and I'm still here.

Or are leashes an important part of keeping a kid safe? What do you think?

The afternoon of September 11th, 2001, I was walking around lower Manhattan in a shaky daze, with my boyfriend who had gotten out of the towers just in time. You know what I remember? I had this little boxy straw purse, and the clasp fell off, and I looked down to try to find it. The ground was covered in that thick white dust, and I remember thinking, “Well, I guess now I will never find that clasp!”

Okay – I remember lots of other things and images and feelings – but it’s strange what weird little details surfaces at times like these, isn’t it? There is an interesting thread here on remembering the day.

cl-phillymawmaw writes, “Looking back I think I felt the exact same way that morning as I did in my youth hearing that President Kennedy had been shot. Time just stood still and seemed so unbelievable.”

cl-ladybug987 adds, “I lost a certain naiveté. How do we rest in an unsafe world? How do we prepare our children to live with uncertainty?”

Whether you’re a New Yorker or not, were there that day or weren’t, what do you think about when you remember 9/11? How do you think that day changed you? Or didn't it?

With the start of the new school year, lots of kids are starting fun, new, exciting activities!... Only to immediately beg their parents to let them quit.

queen.brat writes: “DS is 10 and has wanted to play foot ball for a long time. …When I went to drop him off today he was throwing a fit about wanting to quit. I know he wants to quit because he thinks it is too hard and he can't do it. But I know he can if he gives it time and he gets over being nerves…I just don't know how to help him. I want him to stick with practice till the first full game but is that the wrong choice?

Some moms answer that they simply have a “no-quitting” policy. But what about when the child in question has behavior issues, or as in the footballer mentioned above, is deathly afraid of the activity in question?

Stick it out or let them quit – what’s your call?

Seems like everyone's talking about the late (great?) Steve Irwin, everyone's favorite (or really, only) Crocodile Hunter. So the guy engaged in some, shall we say, high-risk behaviors. There was still something a little shocking about his death. Maybe it's just the drama of it all -- I mean, a sting-ray barb to the heart, yow. Maybe it's that we're all secretly waiting for the video to leak onto the Internet. But there does seem to be a certain fascination with it.

Then there's Germaine Greer. The awesomely-named scummybear2006 reports that the famous feminist published an essay in The Guardian "fuming" that "there was not an animal he was not prepared to manhandle. Every creature he brandished at the camera was in distress...Every snake badgered by Irwin was at a huge disadvantage, with only a single possible reaction to its terrifying situation, which was to strike...The animal world has finally taken its revenge on Irwin."

cl-sandybryant chimes in: "I hate hearing the news refer to Irwin as a modern day super-hero. He wasn't. He was a sensationalist animal handler who lost my respect long ago when he dangled his BABY over a crocodile." Yeah, baby-dangling's never really endeared anyone to the public, that's for sure.

Others mourn the loss of someone who seemed invincible and brave -- a holdout of another, dare I say more fearless era.

What do you think? Was Steve Irwin the scourge of wild animals everywhere, abusing and manhandling them? Did he get what was coming to him? Or do you think, um, that "Germaine Greer is just a bitter old hag who took this opportunity to shamelessly attack him for a bit of controversial self publicity"?

Let 'er rip, mates.

While September still has that new-school-year smell to it, I thought we might take a moment to consider an aspect of going back to school that most of us don’t consider until it’s too late: the SAT. No, no, not the college admissions test. Of course I am referring to the dreaded Sexually Active Teen.

So, here’s the situation: one iVillager’s “14 year old daughter just came back from sleepover camp and while doing her laundry and putting her things away, I came across letters that a boy she just met this year and has been friends with sent to her. I was shocked to see the language and to read that they have been having oral sex and vaginal sex. My dilemma is do I tell her I read the letters and I know everything? Should I tell her I read the letters and know everything? I know she will hate me but I am so scared she will get pregnant or get an STD.”

This starts off as a discussion about privacy, and how much privacy a teen living under your roof needs/deserves/ought to have. As kristens_mom points out, “Yes, she might be mad at me, but better that than a mother at 14. Also maybe subconsciously she wanted the letter found, she can still be outraged at the invasion of privacy but it saves face and she's not forced to admit to her parents that she needs help or guidance.”

Other moms second this sentiment.cl-weberdns0 writes, “Sorry......I'm a parent and not a friend.” Who cares if the teen is mad at her mother? The outcome of an open discussion about sex and birth control is worth the passing annoyance.

jaydasmom2002 agrees: “I would also take her to the doctor and get her on birth control and have a talk with her about safe sex. You can't really tell your teenager NOT to have sex, because if they're going to do it then they're going to do it.”

Then a teenaged mother chimes in, offering a unique point of view…read more after the jump.

You might have missed this one, but from the early 80s to the late 90s Art Garfunkel walked his way across America, presumably humming “Sounds of Silence” to himself and secretly missing Paul Simon. (Now he’s taking on Europe – watch out, EU!) Anyway, who can resist the idea of just up and walking across the country? Part Henry David Thoreau + part Forrest Gump = all awesome. But who can get all the time off work?

That’s why I love the new project on the Moms Getting Fit club. They're walking across America, without ever even leaving their hometowns.

cl-ibean_si issued the challenge back in August: “We need to walk 2779.03 miles ladies to get from New York, New York to Los Angeles, CA… Let’s hit the road. Literally.”

Already, these busy moms have busted through New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia, and over half of Ohio. They’re already almost to Indiana! Check out their progress and heck, why not go for a walk and help them hit the Mississippi?

Come on. If Art Garfunkel could do it, iVillage can certainly do it.

Does going to a strip club count as cheating? Okay, even if he’s only “there to look,” or swears he just thinks it’s funny, or is simply doing it to go along with the guys… (well, if the guys jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, etc!) if there’s something about him going that makes you feel skeevy, something about the whole sitch that just feels wrong, isn’t that a kind of cheating?

When tink_dharma’s fiancé went to an all-nude (?!) strip club recently... "He got a lap dance from a woman there…I feel so down, I cannot even explain it. He even touched her. I guess I should be glad that he came clean with me, but I feel like he cheated. Isn't that cheating though?”

sdino11234 responds, “I wouldn't say he cheated, just used very poor judgment.” (Need I mention that sdino11234 is a guy?)

intuition_girl0727 says, “Plain and simple he lied before he went and got a lap dance an