Let's Talk About (Not Having) Sex, Baby
Dr. Z’s got the mismatched libidos boards fired up again. She writes: “OK, everyone, help out ole Dr. Zoldbrod here. Please help me understand why people (that means you!!) are so afraid to get professional help when things are beginning to look pretty tense in your couple relationship.” Look, Dr. Z. These women aren’t having a whole lot of sex. They might not be in best moods. Don’t provoke them.
Thethinker2day shoots back: “I'm just going to tell it like it is. Plenty of us don't really believe that having taken college courses, earned advanced degrees, even gone through the rigors of residency, training etc. really gives you a whole lot more insight than we might have into our own situations or that we might be able to get by talking to a variety of non-degreed people. I mean, you're at least as good as the next person to ask, but many of us really don't put a lot of stock into your training and experience. Sorry.” (Take that, Dr. Z.) It really is an insightful point -- sex is the kind of thing most women discuss with their closest friends (if anyone!) -- and feels like one of those things that everyone knows about, in one way or another.
Thinker also makes a point that others are seconding: “If these are things difficult to discuss with one's own partner, imagine the discomfort magnified when there's another person making their own silent observations and, we think, silent judgments.”
And, perhaps most tellingly, karma123 adds: “I think people might be hesitant to seek counseling because let's face it, who wants to hear the truth?”
Do couples in trouble avoid therapy as a kind of protection? As in, once we really dig into this problem, we might learn things about ourselves and our relationship that we don’t want to know -- and if we do all this and it doesn’t work, do we have to accept that our problem may never change? Maybe what gets couples through hard times, arguments, and sexual dry spells is the hope that something will change – and therapy might take that hope away? What do you think?
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Hi Dr. Z,
I can relate a bit... lately I feel like I have no sex drive. And I hate hit b/c I don't really have an underlying answer. I'm 29 & in a 2 year relationship w/ my boyfriend that is also 29 - and our relationship is great - except for our sex life. And not to mention my boyfriend is very upset about it my issue. I am very happy with us & life, and can not figure out why I'm so "not interested"? Can you please give me advice!!
alb
Hi.. i understand what Thinker is saying,
im kinda concerned about my realationship
but dont really want to go see any doctor. to tell you the truth im scare to find out what the problem is. i think that writing board helps in a way so i dont have to deal with someone face to face. it all has to do with fear. I know im afraid and im just a regular person out there like everyone else.
Hey alb -- you can ask Dr Z a question directly here --> http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlclashing
Best of luck...