August 2006 Archives

How old is too old to become a mother? Is there a perfect age for becoming pregnant? And why do they make poor Ann Curry do interviews at the scary Top of the Rock on such a gray and drizzly day?

This morning there was a Today Show segment that focused on the question, “How old is too old to become a mom?” It’s a contentious issue, one that quickly transforms into justifying and judging. Younger moms are more energetic! Older moms are more financially secure! Younger moms are irresponsible! Older moms are selfish!

So when witch_power asked the boards that same fateful question, how old is too old to be a mom, you just knew things were gonna get crazy, didn’t you?

Many iVillagers who answered witch_power's poll seemed to think that women in their thirties and forties were too old to be having their first kid. jamamm responded, “WOW!! I guess a lot of people on this board don't believe I should have had my son...my son was born when I was 34.” And nemom2002: “Aren't women who have children in their early 20's worried about what they're missing out on?”

Then there’s the younger mom contingent, like noraandrosiesmommy, who writes, “I'll be young enough to enjoy my grandchildren and greatgrandchildren,” and momakasie, who responds to an older mom, “…it sounds to me like you are just jealous because you were too caught up in you when you were younger to care about loving a child, or getting married.”

What do you think? What’s the right age to become a mother? Weigh in here.

Labor Day is just around the corner, and you know what that means. No more Summer Fridays. Sigh.

Wait, no, sorry, I mean -- Fall Fashion!

That's right. Goodbye, breezy white tunics and dresses. Which, I might add, is a relief to those of us who have already sweated- and coffee-stained our way through all those airy pieces. Hello, blazers, sweaters, tweed, and knee-high boots. The change of seasons really hit home the other day on the subway, when I had my first boots-over-jeans sighting since March. Oh yeah. That trend. Sigh.

What are your fall fashion pet peeves? "How bright colors tend to vanish," like clr1970? "Those footless leggings or whatever they're called," a la ceresrayne? That scourge of the short-legged and wide-hipped, the (clap of thunder) BUBBLE SKIRT? That's right, just let it all out. We're here for you. Join the conversation!

Yep, it's been one year since the whole surreal, bizarre, scary, troubling thing. Remember back when New Orleans was, well, New Orleans?

There's a new Katrina board, if you're interested. cmamanda posts, "My father, a Red Cross volunteer, [who has been traveling with] the Gulf Coast this year (he's currently in Montgomery, AL helping out with communication services and disaster training) says while progress has been made there is still so much work left to be done." Other iVillagers are weighing in with hopes and prayers for those who were affected by the storm, and those who still need help.

Then there's this thread, in which scareo06 compares the reaction times of Hezbollah and the US in responding to disaster and beginning to rebuild. Okay, so the comparison isn't entirely apt -- personally, I'd point to the vast differences in scope and context -- but boy, has this post stirred up some conversation.

cl-webbee responds,"The destruction in the Lebanon was strategic and involved bombing of specific buildings, not the carpet bombing that would have been equivalent to that required to equal the destruction in Katrina's path...Comparing the two is idiotic."

scareo06: "I just can't help but stop and marvel at what appears to be such a broken, non-functional bureaucracy, when compared to things like U.S. News crews or even foreign terrorist organizations. Why IS that?"

Then boudicca40 pipes in: "Should we just behead the infidels in New Orleans who aren't measuring up? "

Um. Come on. You know you have a response to that. Is democracy really worth all the danged red tape that comes with it? Why have recovery efforts continued to grind along so slowly? Is the anniversary of Katrina stirring up some emotions? Weigh in here.

Ever read something on the message boards or blogs and think, "Hm! What the heck did that mean?" Here's a brief glossary of common abrevs. Uh, that's abbreviations.

Wanna know the REAL INSIDER'S TOP SECRET WAY to stay in shape?!

Well, of course you do, and of course you already know: diet and exercise, exercise and diet, yes, of course, what a snooze. But what about when that just plain doesn't work? Lots of women swear by the Fat Flush diet, which involves juice fasts and detoxing to drop pounds fast. Oprah? Not one of those women.

On the Diet and Fitness Fat Flush board, Variede writes, "Has anyone else read the August edition of The Oprah Magazine? They had experts review six hot diets of today. The Fat Flush did not receive a good review. In fact it goes on to say that the science behind it is sketchy. It also says that weight loss doesn't have to be this complicated."

sl-hoppole shoots back, "In the ideal world we'd all watch what we put in our mouths and never get fat in the first place....but life isn't like that for a lot of us....is it? I was a two time gold Weight Watcher member....each time it all went back and more. I felt a failure...These critics are in a veiled way hinting that it is fat people's own fault they are fat...they are actually saying that fat people are pigs and lazy lumps."

And trust me, it just gets more heated from there.

Would you go on a diet that promised significant weight loss in a matter of days? Do you feel that critics of so-called fad diets are in fact implying that overweight people just need to buck up, that being overweight is their own fault? What has your experience been with Fat Flush or other trendy diets? Do you find it odd that Oprah is on the cover of her own magazine every month? Join the conversation.

Say, ladies, have you heard that poodle skirts are back in style? Why don't you meet me at the five-and-dime in for some egg creams and then maybe we can work on embroideries for our hope chests! Peachy keen! Because apparently it’s 1950. Which explains this article I just read that began: “Guys: A word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don't marry a woman with a career.”

This Forbes.com article (on some crazy newfangled thing called the “Inter Net”) goes on to say that marriages with one breadwinner are happier and less stressful than marriages with two (especially if – gasp – she makes more money than he does). After all, ambitious and confident career gals are just too darn picky – they expect so much of a guy! Plus they won’t always be as willing to have kids or stay home with said kids.

Well, golly.

Deciding whether to focus on career or family – because that’s what this ends up being about, isn’t it? – is one of the hardest choices a woman has to make. See also: this impassioned debate on the Stay-at-Home vs Work board. It’s gotten almost 1500 responses in just a few days. Uh, hit a nerve much?

Of staying home with the kids, traderjodie writes, “I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.” Innocent enough statement, right? Of course not. Tons of you have been jumping in with thoughts on career vs. family, the effects working has on the marriage and kids, and the effects not working has on the marriage and kids.

Of staying in the work world, kbmamm writes, “The cost to a woman taking time off are lifelong. That break in her career is echoed throughout the rest of her career when she returns to work. A woman who takes time off can expect to make about 60% of what she could have if she'd never taken a break. It's way more than just the lost wages from the years not worked.”

What’s interesting is that many women would actually like to stay home – but can’t afford it, either financially or experientially, and/or feel like they would be giving up too much of themselves in order to have that “one breadwinner” marriage. And if staying at home means giving up financial independence and/or self-confidence…how one earth is that going to make a marriage happier and more stable? What do you think? Do you think a marriage is happier when only one person works? Join the conversation.

Yesterday the FDA approved the morning-after contraception pill, or Plan B. An AP report says, "Women may buy the morning-after pill without a prescription -- but only with proof they're 18 or older, federal health officials ruled Thursday, capping a contentious 3-year effort to ease access to the emergency contraceptive." On the In the News thread, shalom-steph notes, "It is projected that this will reduce unintended pregnancies by up to 80%, which will also reduce abortions. It is a good first step."

Of course the first question that comes up is, well, won't there be pharmacies (ahem, Wal-Marts in the south, mayhaps?) who will refuse to carry the pill?

Dr. Z’s got the mismatched libidos boards fired up again. She writes: “OK, everyone, help out ole Dr. Zoldbrod here. Please help me understand why people (that means you!!) are so afraid to get professional help when things are beginning to look pretty tense in your couple relationship.” Look, Dr. Z. These women aren’t having a whole lot of sex. They might not be in best moods. Don’t provoke them.

Thethinker2day shoots back: “I'm just going to tell it like it is. Plenty of us don't really believe that having taken college courses, earned advanced degrees, even gone through the rigors of residency, training etc. really gives you a whole lot more insight than we might have into our own situations or that we might be able to get by talking to a variety of non-degreed people. I mean, you're at least as good as the next person to ask, but many of us really don't put a lot of stock into your training and experience. Sorry.” (Take that, Dr. Z.) It really is an insightful point -- sex is the kind of thing most women discuss with their closest friends (if anyone!) -- and feels like one of those things that everyone knows about, in one way or another.

So, guys are supposed to love breast implants, right? I mean…right? Well it turns out that in the real world, most men aren’t so thrilled when their significant others announce intentions to get boob jobs. There’s a pretty rollicking conversation going down at the Breast Implants board in response to the question, “How did your DH/SO react when you first announced you wanted this surgery?”

cl-elise918 writes, “My DH has made it very clear that I will NOT have this surgery. He also threatened that if I ever got a tattoo, he would divorce me.” Whoa, nelly. What if it was a tattoo of him? But I digress. jodi_doodlbug adds, “I've not visited BoobieLand myself but I know how DH would react ... the same way he reacts when I tell him I want to get my hair cut. He instantly bristles at the idea and grills me with why questions (who am I trying to impress), then he tells me there's no need to impress anyone else and he likes me the way I am.”

Interesting – this comes up a lot. Husbands and boyfriends seem to be reacting with suspicion and worry, as if when their ladies look and feel better they will be left in the dust. And maybe these men have hidden insecurities of their own – maybe they suspect that they are not helping the women in their lives feel beautiful and sexy enough. You think?

I'm thinking Kid Rock is not one of these guys.

So anyway, what would your husband or boyfriend say if you were going to get breast implants? (Other than “Woo-hoo”?)

What would you say if he was going to get plastic surgery of some kind?

You know a thread is going to be good when it begins, “I just have to rant a bit.”

And rant they do – about the extremely rant-worthy topic of women “starving to be thin.” The latest epidemic of skeletal celebs has women starving themselves in imitation, and, most disturbingly, has teens and preteens hating their bodies. We’ve heard it again and again – women, and even (increasingly) little girls, feeling like they have to be Nicole Ritchie-thin (see also: the gruesome cover of this week’s In Touch), which is in no way healthy. (Sorry, Nicole.) The more celebs get crazy-skinny, the harder it will be to figure out “what normal means” – for us and for young girls.

So cl-shywon starts us off: “I have two colleagues/friends who are on this near-starvation diet at the moment, and it's really getting to me. It's really just the one "friend" because she's doing it to lose THREE pounds. THREE!!! She's admitted it's not about health, it's about the number on the scale…. I guess I'm just frustrated at all the pressure there is to be that "right" size or weight.”

As amazing as it is in this crazy, mixed-up world of ours, iVillage has been around for over ten years. Do you even remember what the Internet was like ten years ago? Remember chat rooms and America Online and dial-up modems? Remember how the word “spam” referred to a kind of canned meat? Remember how you would try to invite someone into an online dating chat room, or send a friend a picture of you with your new Jennifer Aniston-circa-Rachel-in-Friends-hairdo and your whole darn computer would crash? IMs would pop up on the screen and you’d jump and go, “What is that?” And even lo those many years ago, iVillage had a vibrant and vociferous community of those crazy new things called message boards.

Back then there was all this talk about how emailing would make us all illiterate and how it would separate people from one another. How message boards and IMs would truncate our language into unreadable, crazy abbrevs. (Totes ridic, right?) Turns out we’re more connected to others than ever. Online discussions have become, for many of us, a community, a lifeline, a place we visit every day, and a place we can’t imagine living without.

Maybe that’s why the thriving community that makes up the over 1,000 message boards at iVillage is alive and buzzing after all this time. In fact, we’ve gotten bigger and better than ever. But with literally hundreds and hundreds of different boards on different topics, where’s a busy gal to start? We know everyone doesn’t have time to sift through all these threads. Heck, we don’t even have time to sift through our own email half the time.

That’s why this blog will pull the hottest conversations from all the different areas of iVillage and bring you the buzz of the day. That way you can always be on top of the things that matter most to you – from the newest developments in the work vs stay-at-home debate to the latest news stories from around the world (and much, much more) -- you’ll find out what women everywhere are saying.

Now, about that old “Rachel ‘do” of yours…